Indian head-bangers wearing turbans cause riot before Metallica concert!
Metallica had to call off their Delhi concert because head-bangers wearing turbans were asked to remove them because flying turbans at a metal concert are a dangerous hazard. This provoked race riots!
Jon Huntsman Reveals His Top Three Priorities
Jon Huntsman was asked what his three most pressing issues are. He answered, one, the war; two, the economy; and three, trying to find out why Netflix has lost 800,000 customers in the past 90 days.
Regis Philbin and Larry King Have Something Cooking
Regis Philbin star of Live With Regis & Kelly says that when he retires on November 18, he and Larry King are going to start up their own The View like show. They plan to call it The Viagra View.
You Gotta Hand It To Herman "Second Hand" Cain
Herman Cain's new campaign slogan is now "Say y'all second hand smoke ain't nearly as bad for ya as first hand Michele Bachmann."
Mitt Romney Actually Feels Sorry For Ron Paul
Mitt Romney says he really began feeling sorry for old Ron Paul when he heard Ron say his favorite hobby is 'dozing off.'
Rick Santorum Apparently Has Some 'Inside' Knowledge About Michele Bachmann
Michele Bachmann says that she wants for Rick Santorum to stop tweeting that "Michele Bachmann is so cheap she buys her bras and panties from the Goodwill Store."
Herman Cain Has Just Said "No, No, No, and No"
Herman Cain says that just within the past 24 hours he has turned down offers to appear in cigarette advertisements for Marlboro, Winston, L&M, and Virginia Slims.