Spanish man adder shock of his life!
When a snake slithered out of a cashpoint in front of him as he withdrew money!
Possibly it was the manager?
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Muhammed Ali prays for Joe Frazier!
Muhammed Ali is praying for Smoking Joe Frazier, two of the greatest boxers ever. This time the world hopes that Ali wins and his prayers come true, good luck Joe, you were fantastic!
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Lady Gaga wins everything as Madonna commits hari kari!
Lady Gaga has rolled into the Nr1 Icon role easily by winning everything again. A news flash just confirmed the fact that ageing Madonna has just commited hari kari!
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Nicaragua's Ortega heads for clear election win, he murdered all his rivals!
Daniel Ortega is heading for a clear win in his elections; he's murdered all of his rivals and anybody caught voting for anybody else will also be "democratically" removed, viva la democracia!
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Terrorist, Carlos the Jackal, back in court after being bitten by inmates!
Deadly terrorist, Carlos the Jackal, was back in court yesterday asking for protection because fellow inmates were caught biting him!
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UK don't know how many illegal immigrants entered last year!
The UK customs loosened their border controls last year and now nobody knows how many illegals entered. They're hoping to find out by asking UK cabbage farmers!
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Russia warns Israel not to attack Iran!
Russia has warned Israel not to attack their nuclear friends Iran. If they do Russia have threatened to open up Auschwitz. Israel withdrew their threat immediately!
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Italy chase Greece into the abyss!
Italy are heavily on the heels of their main rivals, Greece, in winning the gold medal at the "Corrupt Olympics", Berlusconi is now neck and neck with Papandreou, it's only a matter of time!
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Marie Curie 144th birthday
Marie Curie found alive and well on her 144th birthday, discovered working at Spearmint Rhino, Slough.
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Satan appears in fresco in Italy!
Satan made a personal appearance behind a flock of clouds on a fresco in Rome painted by Giotto. Art historians thought Satan had a devilish resemblance to Berlusconi, one of his earthly messengers!
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Road-rager punches 85 year-old's lights out!
A UK, Hoody road-rager punched an 85 year-old's lights out today, literally. It seems the 85 year-old was driving too slow and the Golf GTI Hoody driver couldn't stand the pace!
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Michele Bachmann - The GOP Candidate With Her Priorities In Order
Michele Bachmann says that her number one concern at the moment is trying to figure out exactly what the hell Kim Kardashian plans on doing with her $2 million wedding ring.
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Remember You Are Judged By The Hat You Wear
Herman Cain has been advised to stop wearing a black cowboy hat due to the fact that a black hat signifies someone who is an outlaw, a bandit, and a desperado. Well on second thought.
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Brett Favre Mentally Reverts To His 'Sexting' Days
Brett Favre has stated that there is no truth to the rumor that he thinks that Michele Bachmann would make a sexy female sports announcer.
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Kim Kardashian Says She Has So Much Stress (Poor Baby)
Kim Kardashian filed for divorce from Kris Humphries after 72 days of marriage. She says she's keeping the $2 million wedding ring and selling it to pay for therapy sessions which she badly needs.
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Tory MP Ed Vaizey has claimed 8p Travel Expenses!
For a car journey of just over 1,000 yards.
New regulator IPSA - set up after the expenses scandal - dealt with 34,000 claims worth £5.2million in June and July alone.
'Amazing!'
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Ed Miliband yesterday repaid £1,725, claimed in "an administrative error"
For Three months' rent on his constituency flat in Doncaster was claimed for and paid twice.
'And it only took him eight months to realise?'
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Antolin Alcaraz in spitting row during match
The Paraguayan sparked an 82nd-minute ruck after spitting at Wolves defender Richard Stearman and could face a three-match ban, or being sent to Alcatraz if the FA decide to investigate.
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Seven winners of the £100,000 Health Lottery top prize on Saturday night!
I'm so glad its popular, this will help pay for the American Consultancy firm that gets receives £290,000 a year from UK Government to oversee the NHS cuts!!!
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1000's of well-paid Brit jobs are being offered to Romanians as millions of homegrown workers languish on the dole.
A new report said 4,000 positions in the UK were up for grabs via employment agencies in Romania. Including £2,000-a-month cab drivers and nurses.
Unemployed in the UK - click here
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Wealthy Pakistan cricket cheats were given more than £100,000 of taxpayers' money to fund their legal defence!
Oh I am pleased!
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David Cameron has full confidence in Home Secretary Theresa May!
Who has not offered to resign as a result of the controversy over border checks, the Prime Minister's official spokesman said today.
Or as misprinted in the Oldham Times, Theresa Maybe?
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An Expert is Brought In
Former Democratic President Bill Clinton has been hired to represent the woman who accused Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain of sexual harassment.
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