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Rating:

The two Great Rules of Life

1. Never tell everything at once

written by ExiledRoyal, 13 November 2011
Rating:

The biggest difference between men and women

What they mean when they say: "I got through a whole box of tissues watching that film."

written by ExiledRoyal, 13 November 2011
Rating:

Women's Boxing

See them fight back tears when the announcer tells everyone their weight

written by ExiledRoyal, 13 November 2011
Rating:

Brazilian police take over largest slum in Rio!

Brazilian police have taken over a huge slum in Rio because FIFA demanded that they clean the place up before the World Cup in 2014. The take over was financed by C+ca C+la, McD+++lds, N+ke etc!

written by Jaggedone, 13 November 2011
Rating:

Contingency Plan Agreed If Olympic Flame Is Extinguished On Route To London

'We will simply burn Greek government bonds,' confirmed Lord Coe. 'They come from the same place and are no use for anything else.'

written by Swan Morrison, 13 November 2011
Rating:

He'll be okay if he drops the soap

Fabio Lazelli faces jail after a rare crocodile was found living in his bath in Cremona, Italy. Police scarcely nabbed Lazelli, who had become quite nimble after showering with the croc for 3 years.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 13 November 2011
Rating:

Tool versus drool

Study in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology finds men view bikini-clad women much as they would a set of tools. Not me. I look at Mrs. SFO and see a tender, juicy pork chop.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 13 November 2011
Rating:

Arab Games to cancel most team sports and focus on target practice

The Arab Games, this year in Doha, Qatar, will cancel swimming, basketball, cycling, soccer, golf, sailing, tennis, and bowling and focus on archery, wrestling, boxing, judo and shooting people dead.

written by Lyndon, 13 November 2011
Rating:

Irish off to Euro's, but they haven't got any!

The Irish footie team look set to qualify for the Euro's, but they have one problem, they haven't got any Euro's left in the bank. Maybe a leprechaun will lend them some!

written by Jaggedone, 13 November 2011
Rating:

Trading pox-infected lollipops deemed not only illegal but also pretty sick

A Nashville prosecutor ruled that parents trading pox-infected lollis by mail, in an attempt to build children's immune systems, were not only breaking the law, but they were also being fucking gross.

written by Lyndon, 13 November 2011
Rating:

Kabul, Afghanistan; life is now better since the Taliban left!

In an astonishing declaration the Afghani president has admitted that life is now better since the Taliban left; He would say that wouldn't he. McDonalds also thought life was better there too!

written by Jaggedone, 13 November 2011
Rating:

Italy forms new government, the Mafia have been asked!

Berlusconi's corrupt government has failed so Italy have asked the Mafia to replace them; at least heir honest with their dishonesty!

written by Jaggedone, 13 November 2011
Rating:

95 year-old granny "brains" burglar with her brolly!

A 95 year-old granny from Braintree "brained" a burglar with her brolly. He was escorted out by the police and released with a warning. The granny was found guilty of GBH: Brainless Britain!

written by Jaggedone, 13 November 2011
Rating:

England beat Spain with their only touch of the ball!

England beat Spain last night and only touched the ball once and that was enough. The England players were so dizzy running after the ball they were given sea-sickness tablets at half time!

written by Jaggedone, 13 November 2011
Rating:

Gigolo Berlusconi resigns!

Italians PM, ageing gigolo Berlusconi, has resigned. He want's to spend more time and money on his real passion, arranging bunga bunga parties!

written by Jaggedone, 13 November 2011
Rating:

Imagine there's no pizza ...

Republican presidential hopeful and John Lennon parody artist Herman Cain says waterboarding helped him determine which employees were stealing The Godfathers pizza.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 13 November 2011
Rating:

Newt Gingrich Has A Proposal For Egypt

Newt Gingrich said that since we give Egypt $3 billion a year in foreign aid that they should give us one of their damn pyramids so we can put it in Michigan to help attract tourists to that state.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 November 2011
Rating:

Herman Cain Forgot What Show He Was On

Herman Cain was asked by the GOP Debate moderator if Pakistan was a friend or a foe. Cain paused for a few moments and replied that he did not know but asked if he could call a friend real quick.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 November 2011
Rating:

Ron Paul Talks About Torture and Michele Bachmann

During the GOP Debate Ron Paul stated that torture is illegal. During the commercial Herman Cain turned to Ron Paul and said that Michele Bachmann's scary-ass false eyelashes should also be illegal.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 November 2011
Rating:

Jon Huntsman Wants The U.S. To Be Like Switzerland

Jon Huntsman was asked what he would do about the Cyber Wars. He replied right away that we do not need any more Iran's or Afghanistan's and that the Cyberites will just have to defend themselves.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 November 2011
Rating:

Michele Bachmann Is Up To Her Old "Womanly" Tricks Again

Rick Santorum has made fun of Michele Bachmann's silly looking gigantic, new eyelashes and remarked that she is only wearing them to try and lock up the female impersonator vote.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 November 2011
Rating:

Newt Gingrich Has Decided To Join The GOP Hair Club

Newt Gingrich told reporters that in an effort to try and stay competitive with Mitt Romney and Rick Perry in the hairdo department, he's decided to keep his brand new Captain Kangaroo look.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 November 2011
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