FIFA claims to have $1B 'in the bank.'
200 million football fans believe Blatter has more than than that under his Swiss mattress! Said a Man U fan, 'Our lads have shagged their share, but that Bastard
is F***g everybody! Qatar me Arse!"
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written by
Morse, 31 May 2011
Germany/India Trade Now Reaches $15B a Year!
UK PM Dave Cameron defends decision to send $1.2B to India for Education.
Seems they're already way ahead of you in math, Dave!
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written by
Morse, 31 May 2011
New Yorkers Ridicule Congressman Weiner!
After looking at Twitter account pix, most say his just doesn't 'cut the mustard!"
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written by
Morse, 31 May 2011
Monica Lewinsky Back in News!
Says she loves Kosher hotdogs, but never met a Weiner from NY.
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written by
Morse, 31 May 2011
Obama Role Model for Cadillac Gang Bangers!
Government Limo purchases with Escalade and STS models leading the way has increased 50% since Barry "go green' O'Bama took over GM. Ride of choice in Detroit, Philly & Oakland. Murder up too!
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written by
Morse, 31 May 2011
Obama Disappointed His Choice for Commerce Secretary Not Available!
Former Enron CEO Ken Lay died in 2006.
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written by
Morse, 31 May 2011
New EU Health Warning
The European Union have issued an emergency health warning: 'CUCUMBERS CAN KILL'
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Harold Camping The Sports Bookie?
Harold Camping was asked who he feels will win the NBA Championship, The Dallas Mavericks or The Miami Heat. He thought for a moment and then replied that the winner will be The Green Bay Packers.
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Sarah "The Geographical Whiz" Is Coming To Your Town
Sarah Palin was asked about her nationwide bus tour. She replied, "Well gosh darnit, ya know, I'll be taking my bus to every state except for Hawaii and Rhode Island since both are islands duh."
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Tim Pawlenty Really Needs To Just Save His Money
Tim Pawlenty thinking he can be president is like Oprah Winfrey thinking she can be a Hooters Girl.
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Governor Jan "The Man" Brewer Shows She Still Got 'em
Governor Jan Brewer of Arizona has just issued a state ban on Fritos. She remarked that any violators will be fined $600 and force-fed two heads of lettuce.
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Celebrity Gardener, Alan Titchmarsh, Claims Talking to Plants Is Useless
So-called gardening expert, Alan Titchmarsh asserts that talking to plants is rubbish. Obviously, he cannot speak PLANTONESE
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Four Flee Fire in Bournemouth Barber Shop Blaze
4 men managed to evacuate a barber's shop in Bournemouth today when a fire broke out. A fire service spokesman said that it was a close shave, but everyone got out by a whisker!
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David Essex for Eastenders
West Ham's new manager will be David Essex. He is set to improve morale at the Eastender Club by shouting abuse at the players non-stop.
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written by
j.w., 31 May 2011
Nothing on Television
'There's nothing on Television again tonight'.
'Well, put a bowl of flowers there!'
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written by
j.w., 31 May 2011
'Perfect Couple' Marry in Shrewsbury
The 'perfect couple' were married at St Chad's church, Shrewsbury at the weekend. He was a nightwatchman and she had never worked a day in her life!
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Running out of Food
The world is running out of food!
Well it should stop running.
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written by
j.w., 31 May 2011
Paul Scholes retires and jubilant scenes are witnessed in Liverpool!
The red-headed Red-Devil, Paul Scholes, has retired. The red-side of Manchester is in mourning and in Liverpool they are celebrating, there's still hope for them yet!
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Lady Gaga gay?
Lady Gaga twitters, "I like cock. Does that mean I'm gay?"
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Women told to be up front about masturbation
Better than sticking your finger up your arse!
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written by
j.w., 31 May 2011
Transfer window
Breaking News. I have transferred my back window to the front of the house. West Ham are sure of a return to the Premier league now.
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written by
j.w., 31 May 2011
MP Caught Not fiddling expenses!
H Onist MP for Grotty Lane End & Upper Denture, was called to the Parliamentary Standards Committee to explain his actions in full.
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Teachers Rule Army Games Are 'Threatening Behaviour'
Teachers at a primary school have ruled out army games because they could be seen as 'threatening behaviour'.Parents are concerned that the teachers are using threatening behaviour in ruling them out.
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Lords refuse to Reform
Members of the House of Lords have come out against reform. 'These do-gooders always want us to have a boring life' said one 'I don't want to reform. I enjoy a life of decadence.'
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written by
j.w., 31 May 2011
FIFA member Protests
A member of FIFA's executive committee has complained because he hasn't been bribed.
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written by
j.w., 31 May 2011
NBC Is Banking On A New Reality Hit Show
NBC desperate to try and get a hit reality show is planning on developing a show to be called, Okay, So Who Wants To Be A Navy Seal?
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The Schwarzenegger Mansion Is On The Market
Mr. and Mrs. Arnold Schwarzenegger have put their mansion up for sale for $23 million. And just like the Led Zeppelin song, it comes complete with a "Livin' Lovin' Maid."
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Will The Real Mitt Romney Please Sit Down
Mitt Romney who is planning on entering the GOP presidential primaries is trying to lose his reputation for being a flip-flopper. His team is trying to push the mind changer term to the forefront.
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Donald Trump's Brand New Reality Show
Thrilled with the success of his reality show Celebrity Apprentice next season Donald Trump will star in a brand new celebrity reality show called Celebrity Hairdo.
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