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Rating:

Title change for Duke of York

Buckingham Palace hopes lowered expectations for Duke of Hopeless will quell scandal. Remarriage to Fergie expected in due course.

written by Catherine the Average, 05 March 2011
Rating:

Princess Anne Tweet

At least the hooves of my friends aren't cloven. He is sooooo thick!

written by Catherine the Average, 05 March 2011
Rating:

Dyson Hoover Cleans Up

At the prestigious Hoover of The Year Awards, James Dyson's new vacuum has cleaned up. The DC33 won best newcomer,and also longest cable, which is handy.
'It's great fun,' said a Hoover anorak.

written by Mr Goster, 05 March 2011
Rating:

May Day Holiday To Be Replaced By St. Jude's Day On October 28th

'St. Jude is the patron saint of fools, desperate situations and lost causes,' said a Home Office spokesperson. 'His celebration better reflects British opinions about their leaders and their nation.'

written by Swan Morrison, 05 March 2011
Rating:

British Government Distances Itself From British Foreign Arms Sales

'We assumed British arms manufacturers sold weapons to foreign military enthusiasts and collectors,' said an astonished Ministry of Defence spokesman. 'We never dreamt they'd be used to kill people.'

written by Swan Morrison, 05 March 2011
Rating:

Mazda Discovers Spiders' Webs in Vents

Laxative sales jump.

written by Hawking's Chair, 05 March 2011
Rating:

Republicans Shoot Obama's Climate Change Plan...

...NASA's Taurus rocket falls from the sky.

written by Hawking's Chair, 05 March 2011
Rating:

Charlie Sheen told by judge to 'keep in touch'

'...with reality.'

written by pinxit, 05 March 2011
Rating:

New Shrimp Named After Aberdeen Scientist

A new species of shrimp found in the North Sea has been named after the Aberdeen University scientist who discovered it.

The shrimp will be known as Wullie Fae Peterheid.

written by grimbo, 05 March 2011
Rating:

Police Chief Calls For "No Fans Games"

Following the violence on and off the park at the Old Firm game, police chief Les Gray has is urging that games take place with no fans present.

Hamilton Accies v Dundee United already qualifies.

written by grimbo, 05 March 2011
Rating:

Head and Shoulders to release matching body wash.

The makers of "Head and Shoulders" are releasing "Knees and Toes" a daily body wash. Gentle enough for eyes, ears, mouth and nose "Head and Shoulders" and "Knees and toes" together will keep you clean

written by Randy Sandhofer, 05 March 2011
Rating:

Charlie Sheen's CV

Charlie Sheen has started passing around his CV,

in case anyone out there is looking for a rock star from Mars.

written by victor nicholas, 05 March 2011
Rating:

Hunmpty Dumpty death ruled suicide

Humpty knew what he was doing when he leapt from the wall to his death, officials are now saying after a farewell letter was found by one of the kings men.

written by Randy Sandhofer, 05 March 2011
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