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Rating:

Las Vegas Plans to Help Right Wrongs for Many Who Visit Each Year

Las Vegas, known for quickie weddings for the impulsive and inebriated, will be opening "drivethru divorce courts" where sobered-up folks with buyer's remorse can correct mistakes before departing.

written by C. Lance the Freelance, 28 March 2011
Rating:

Sewage Tanker Spills Nasty Cargo on Unsuspecting Drivers

A septic tanker truck enroute to a local disposal facility overturned on an overpass and ruptured, spewing liquid sewage over the railing and onto passing cars below, creating a slippery, smelly mess.

written by C. Lance the Freelance, 28 March 2011
Rating:

Donald Trump Determined to Win Presidency in 2012

Donald Trump plans to essentially buy his way into the White House by purchasing all the major networks to get free political ads and to spin public support in his favor by slanting the news his way.

written by C. Lance the Freelance, 28 March 2011
Rating:

Wonder Woman and Batgirl Charge Justice League With Discrimination

Wonder Woman and Batgirl join forces to file a sexual discrimination grievance against The Justice League. The heroines contest they are the only female superheroes in a predominantly male league.

written by C. Lance the Freelance, 28 March 2011
Rating:

Libyan No Fly Zone Expanded

It now includes ticks, fleas, gnats, roaches and bed bugs.

written by Adam Click, 28 March 2011
Rating:

Prince William starts new fad - World running out of Rich Tea bickies as others copy him.

Prince William has started a new fad - Biscuit Wedding Cake. He has approached McVities to make him a Rich Tea bicky and chocolate cake so his wedding guests have a choice of cake and this is his fav.

written by Lady Godiva, 28 March 2011
Rating:

Radio Active Scare

Distressed housewife Enid Bulge has had enough. Her husband has radios in every one of the 37 rooms in their mansion. He does not miss a minute of cricket commentary in one ear and music in the other.

written by j.w., 28 March 2011
Rating:

TUC over Exaggerated Numbers on the Protest March in London

The TUC have claimed 1/2 million people protesting against job cuts were in London this weekend. Considering that there are only a million people who actually work, the numbers just don't add up!

written by IN SEINE, 28 March 2011
Rating:

TUC Claims Success in Uncutting At Least 100 Jobs

A weekend march in London has kept 100 council street cleaners in their jobs, due to be cut this week. They have also managed to keep the jobs for the magistrates who are going to punish 149 of them.

written by IN SEINE, 28 March 2011
Rating:

Irish Succeed in Creating a No-Fly Zone!

Irish scientists have surrounded a 10 acre field with approximately 5,000 reels of 'Vapona'. They have successfully created a No-Fly Zone.

written by IN SEINE, 28 March 2011
Rating:

Man United the UK's most hated company!

A survey has revealed that Man United are the UK's most hated company, the survey was completely unbias (?) it was held in Liverpool, Leeds, Newcastle and North London, Sir Alex just chewed on!

written by Jaggedone, 28 March 2011
Rating:

Sucking "nuts" is healthy, blow jobs not!

Scientists have proven that nut-suckers tend to steer free of cancer and live longer because of the high-levels of antioxidents in the nuts, "blow jobbers" have been warned don't suck, chew, ouch!

written by Jaggedone, 28 March 2011
Rating:

Simplicity rules...

An elderly widower and an elderly widow have struck up a mutual arrangement. He mows her lawn and puts out her rubbish on a Monday and she makes him tea and gives him a neighbourly w*nk on a Thursday.

written by attilathehungry, 28 March 2011
Rating:

Forcing Research of Big Society

The Government is forcing academics to research into the Big Society to get funding. At the end of the exercise it is expected that the Government will understand what they have been talking about.

written by j.w., 28 March 2011
Rating:

Woman With Constipation Overdoses on Laxatives, Loses Job

A woman suffering constipation overdosed on laxatives at work and filled the only toilet in her office to the brim with her blockage. Unable to flush or plunge it, she was fired for evasion of doody.

written by C. Lance the Freelance, 28 March 2011
Rating:

Man Seems to Have Worst Case of Bad Luck in History

A man stepped on a crack as a black cat crossed his path, then spit into the wind as a mirror fell off a ladder he walked under, shattering on his head, all the while forgetting to cross his fingers.

written by C. Lance the Freelance, 28 March 2011
Rating:

Donald Duck Faces Prison Time for Attempted Murder

Donald Duck faces jailtime for trying to kill rival Daffy Duck after discovering Daffy fathered children with Daisy Duck. It wasn't hard to tell once the eggs hatched that they were Daffy's ducklings.

written by C. Lance the Freelance, 28 March 2011
Rating:

Narcissists Finally Have Place to Worship Themselves

The first annual Narcissistic Egocentrists Convention is being held at the Simon Cowell Theatre in Liverpool, sporting mirrored rooms and a shop where visitors can buy themselves sexy, romantic gifts.

written by C. Lance the Freelance, 28 March 2011
Rating:

NASA to Send Big Rocket to Probe Uranus

NASA announced plans to launch a mission to explore Uranus, where it will slip a probe into its gaseous region, penetrating Uranus to see how deep it is. Scientists expect to find a deep, gassy hole.

written by C. Lance the Freelance, 28 March 2011
Rating:

Old News Verified

2010 census figures show the USA leads the world in the production of elitist control freaks, namely; politicians, bureaucrats, lawyers, environmentalists, vegans, food police & animal rights groups!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 28 March 2011
Rating:

Kaddafi Must Go

President Obama asks the CIA to send Mitch Rapp to Libya!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 28 March 2011
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