Beware ID theft...
We are advised to shred used tissues to avoid possible DNA theft. Flushing them down the toilet is no longer safe as dedicated ID theft frogmen may still be able to piece your DNA back together.
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Happiness still eludes most of us...
If we were meant to be happy, God would never have equipped us with such a large brain. Blame the Creator, I say. It's the only way to go. I mean, who needs a large brain to enjoy football and pizza?
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O'Feckit dies in domestic incident...
Irish jump jockey Paddy O'Feckit was beaten to death yesterday by his wife Mary after she found his winning Euromillions lottery ticket in the laundry. "Oh feck it" she said "just wasn't acceptable".
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Deadly cucumbers from Mars...
Yes folks - finally we get to the bottom of the mystery! Martians, cleverly disguised as cucumbers, are now poised to kill us all and take over Planet Earth! Pretty smart, those aliens...
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In Milton Keynes Today… AN UPDATE
After Special Branch were called in to investigate the 'tree-hugger' suspected of spreading Dutch Elm disease, they discovered that in fact he had Deathwatch Beetle. He is now in hospital.
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Cadburys Advert Attracts Wrong Naomi
Naomi Campbell claims that Cadburys are associating her with a chocolate bar. There are many models called Naomi and there are many Divas, so why does she think that Cadburys are pinpointing her?
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Lady Gaga admits infecting cucumbers with herpes
US singer controversially confesses to being the source of European cucumber disease outbreak. She said, "I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself. They were so big and juicy."
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Rooney's hair transplant saves his career!
Wayne Rooney has admitted to having a hair transplant and now his main sponsor N+k+ are over the moon because Wayne can now follow Becks and Ronaldo because without hair he's just too ugly!
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England prove to the world that they are just CRAP!
Once again England have proven to the world what the world already knows, they're utter CRAP! Burn out my butt, ask all the Spanish, Dutch and other foreigners playing in England about Burn outs?
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Condom crisis
Durex say that there IS something worse than finding a small prick in one of their condoms.
Having that small prick.
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Time Is Slowing Down
Twin friars born seconds apart die hours apart.
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Headlines from Bilderberg Group
Humans are to animals what weeds are to plants.
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'America's Got Talent' is cancelled!
Los Angeles, CA
It was announced today that popular TV show, 'America's Got Talent' has been cancelled.
Producers for the show said the reason it was axed? "America really has NO talent!"
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