Don't Panic!
Police in Watford, fans of 'Dad's Army', issued a DON'T PANIC warning about a man thought to have a bomb in a Bank. Those who lived north of Watford thought they didn't exist so ignored the warning.
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written by
j.w., 02 June 2011
Cheap beer stampedes in Scotland cause riots!
Due to a computer glitch Tesco's in Scotland were flogging off 3 boxes of Stella for 11GBP, it caused a riot and every alcoholic (90% of Scots) lucky enough to get one thought it was Christmas!
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Spain importing cucumbers from Southern Ontario
Cucumber farmers in Ontario are reported to be delighted to have been asked to export cucumbers to Spain, especially since a well know Pickle giant-who they supplied, moved factories to Mexico.
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Papers Prefer Papping Pippa
Most newspapers obviously prefer papping Pippa Middleton. Kate is attending weekly therapy sessions to help her cope with her recently acquired inferiority complex.
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Obama Administration Shocked as Economy Falls in Toilet!
Treasury boss Geithner vows to fix fiasco, fires Staff Fortune Teller and acquires Ouija Board owned and operated by Obama's Mother in law who foresees ' mo small change be comin' BRO!"
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written by
Morse, 02 June 2011
Weiner Admits Mistake, Wife Finally Comments!
"Sometimes Tony can be such a bone head,' she lamented to her boss, after penis pix posted on line. Hillary Clinton was unsympathetic saying, " at least he kept it in his pants, stop bitching!
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written by
Morse, 02 June 2011
Drugs to be decriminalised
Government name Steering Committee members including Pete Doherty, Howard Marks, Amy Winehouse and Pablo Escobar from The Medellín Cocaine Cartel.
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FIFA Throws a bone to FA!
England to be awarded World Cup 'as soon as Hell Freezes Over!"
Al Gore: "it really shouldn't be that long!"
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written by
Morse, 02 June 2011
Quality control commission
The Quality Care Commission is taking over the supervision of Guantanamo.
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written by
j.w., 02 June 2011
Care Homes Renamed
Care Homes in a drive to improve their image are to be called DON'T CARE HOMES.
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written by
j.w., 02 June 2011
Star Wars fan Prepares for End of World
Fearing the end is near, Star Wars fanboy David Clarke prepares to catch the nearest transport to the forest moon of Endor.
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"Quick Guys, Before The Sun Comes Up"
Police in Minneapolis are investigating charges that the city of St. Paul overnight moved one of its landfills across the Mississippi River into Minneapolis.
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Prophylactically Speaking of Course
Bourbon Street has banned condoms. The mayor of New Orleans stated that in keeping with the area's music tradition, party revelers are urged to use the Rhythm Method.
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Sarah Palin Has Got To Cut Back On Some Simple Phrases
One of Sarah Palin's top aides has urged her to stop using the term 'No Brainer' given the fact that she is not exactly at the third grade level geographically speaking.
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I Guess Their Grandparents Were Bunsen Burners
Research Doctors in Denmark have developed test tube twin baby boys. They said that the babies Son-of-A-Beaker #1 and Son-of-A-Beaker #2 are both doing great.
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