Spoof news snippets from Wednesday 15 June 2011
New Auction Site
A new Leeds based internet auction site was launched with great fan-fare yesterday. After a It was revealed that it would be called ebaygum.
Sarah Palin Is Not As Dumb As She Sometimes Acts
Sarah Palin was right when she said Paul Revere never yelled out that the British were coming. What he really said was "Hey y'all those fellas with the red jackets and the funny accents are coming."
Anthony Weiner On The Road To Rationalization
Anthony Weiner says that he really does not see what all the hullabaloo is about since it's not like he had a love child or had an intern play with his pee-pee.
Civil War, Revolutionary War, Wars All Look The Same Huh?
Sarah Palin was asked if she knew who Betsy Ross was. She smiled and said "Of course, I do. She's that wonderful black lady who during the Civil War sewed all of the British flags duh."
Two Weiners Don't Make One Weiner Right
Congressman Anthony Weiner says that he has received two text messages of encouragement...one from Pee Wee Herman and one from Andy Dick.
Archie Bunker Would Have Gone Out For A Beer And Never Come Back
Sarah "Snowflake" Palin has just become the Edith Bunker of Politics.
Levi Johnston and Old What's His Name Are Running For Mayor of Wasilla
Devastated after his entire campaign staff quit Newt Gingrich says he plans to move to Alaska and run for mayor of Wasilla. Levi Johnston reportedly said, "Hey, bring it on Cabbage Patch."
Sarah Palin's Lack of Geographical Savvy Has Now Become Clear
Alaska has just released 24,000 emails that were written by Governor Sarah Palin. Wow, no wonder she didn't have any time to read up on geography!
Aniston & Weiner... A Shot Too Far ?
Jennifer Aniston phoned Anthony Weiner said to "Shoot over the Moon" Maddonna said Albert Finney movies are passe' She should try Jack Nicholson who's into aging matriachs; "Thats As Good As It Gets"
Puppy gets pegged on washing line!
A filipino animal lover pegged his puppy on the washing line to dry after peeing himself and peeing on mum's fav rug, the Yob thought nothing of it after all it was an "Aire" dale pup!
The Ever Lovely Charles Barkley Has Packed On The Pounds
Charles Barkley has gained so much weight that he and Queen Latifah look like they could be sisters.
Donald Trump Says That It's All About Being Pitchy
This birth certificate thing is getting out of hand. Now Donald Trump says he wants to see American Idol Judge Randy "The Black Dawg" Jackson's birth certificate.
George Bush Had Better Not Get The Little Woman All Riled Up
Neighbors of George and Laura Bush reported hearing the couple arguing. Laura hollered out that if George did not stop criticizing her cooking she was going to spill the beans on the WMD bullshit.
Glenn "Baby Teardrops" Beck Has Got To Get His Act Together
The Ku Klux Klan's director of membership has stated that he had to turn down Glenn Beck's request for membership due to the fact that the sissyboy just cries way too damn much!
Miliband Calls Cameron "An Absolute Disgrace"
Hardly a revelation.
Record Fall In Jobless Numbers
The concentration camps are working well.
Joss Stone Kidnap Plotters Astonishing Claim
We were just playing Ninjas
Boy George Holds 50th Birthday Bash
No handcuffs or radiators involved...
Fabregas Says He's Happy At Arsenal
That means he'll be off to Barcelona within a fortnight.
Life Expectancy in US Lags Behind Other Nations
As Americans learn that their life expectancy has decreased simply by being American, many have begun packing their bags and are said to be heading to Canada and Australia.
News on Royals
This just in: Prince William and Kate still madly in love.
Hugh Heffner's fiancee awoke from her coma
Hugh's been dumped. Fiancee awoke from coma. Looked at him and went into shock. Wedding off!
Suppositories
The Doctor has prescribed suppositories for me. For all the good they will do, I may as well stick them up my ars*.
How to Rob a Bank
Walk to counter - pull out gun - ask for money - put money in bag - rull like hell.
Man Still Can't Believe It's Not Butter
A man recently bought "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!" He is still shocked by the fact it's not butter. "It still taste like butter." - The man commented.
The Ever Amazing Sarah Palin Strikes Again!
Sarah Palin was asked what she thinks about the History Channel. She paused for a moment and then replied, "Well, ya know, I kinda like it, except that they show a lot of real old shows."
Rev. Al Sharpton Isn't Too Good At Ciphering
Rev. Al Sharpton is claiming that Oprah Winfrey is his love child. Winfrey says that Sharpton is one messed up SOB since she's 57, and he's 56.
LOL and IMHO Are Both OKAY
Rhode Island has just become the first state in the Union to ban the use of the acronym WTF.
Congressman Weiner Tosses Out Yet Another 'Limp' Excuse
Congressman Anthony Weiner has now decided to blame his Petergate problems on Global Warming.
Australian dinosaur had UK double
Initial tests show the 125 million year old fossil closely resembles clubbers in Norwich.
Fey for West Ham
Senegal dancer Gloria Fey is to join the Hammers Bubbles girls in the great West Hamm revival show.
New GCSE Targets
Education Minister Gove has implemented new targets for GCSE pupils. In future they will have to shoot at least two Cabinet Ministers before they can qualify for the dole.
All Greek to Me
Pythogaras and Plato for the Eureka strike: You may understand but it is all Greek to me.
Libyan Olympic Tickets
Thousands of Libyan rebels have stormed Tropoli demanding tickets for the Olympic Games.
Osborne's Ring for the Banks
George Osborne has presented the Banks with a ring but is waiting it to them to pick up the phone.
Blog Hoax Goes Wrong
An unfortunate typo turned a hoax blog into a hoax bog, leaving the author in a load of shit. He has now dropped the bog role.
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