Spoof news snippets from Thursday 7 July 2011
If It's a Success…
If successful, virtual diagnosis will save the NHS billions of pounds. However, some gynaecologists would not be able to see their patients online for fear of being called perverts
City of London to Be Twinned with Pamplona
Although it has nothing in common with Pamplona, there is currently more bull running over here!
Doctors Look Forward to Seeing Patients Online
… Especially those with halitosis
The Doctor Will See You Now
It has been reported that doctors will be able to see patients over the Internet within a year, however, that is providing that everyone can use a computer and can afford an Internet Service Provider.
Free Shares to Be Given Away
Next Sunday promises to be an exciting day when the News of the World will be giving away 600,000 FREE shares!
Sharapova grunt gets UK girl evicted!
A UK teenage girl has been evicted because she had sex every day and grunted non-stop, even when having a suck she made such a noise the plumbers were called in!
Sarah Palin In Her Own "State" of Mind
Sarah Palin was asked if she plans on campaigning in Hawaii. She got a puzzled look on her face and then answered, "You betcha - assuming of course that it's a state."
Tim Pawlenty Is Concerned With People's Eating Habits
Tim Pawlenty says that if he is elected president he will outlaw fast food drive thru windows. He explained that it is not fair to the poor people who do not have cars.
Hugo Chavez - The President, The Producer, The Host, The Judge
President Hugo Chavez of Venezuela hosts a very popular reality show called, Okay So Who Wants To Get On My Bad Side?
Sarah Palin Cutting Down On Bread
Sarah Palin in an effort to show that she is doing her share to save energy says that she is getting rid of her four-slice toaster and going back to a two-slice toaster.
Michele Bachmann Is Definitely The Underdog
Black singer Seal who is married to Heidi Klum stated that Michele Bachmann has about as much chance of being elected president as he has of being asked to make a commercial for sunblock.
If You've Seen One Singing Contest Show - You've Seen All 12
With one or two more brand new singing contest shows on the air everyone in America between the ages of 6 and 68 who can sing will have been discovered.
Spoofer's phone hacked
He said I spent too much time on my cell phone so my husband hacked it in two with his axe.
British Institution Ends on Sunday as Result of Phone Hacking Scandal
Metropolitan Police to shut down and rebrand.
BBC newsman jailed for rape and murder
I'm sorry, that report should have read; BBC News, Man jailed for rape and murder……………….
Hit me at 30...
... and there's an 80% chance that you don't really know the rules of black-jack
Don't bother giving to the Alzheimers Society
Just tell them you gave last week
Buy a copy of the News of the World this Sunday
It's the quickest way to pick up your voicemail
3 Cliff Walkers Fall to Their Death
The chances of three people of the same name having that happen to them on the same day are astronomical say the Police
Dan Brown's latest mystery
Why do his books top the list of donations to charity shops?
French erect tribute in honour of Princess Diana
Workers were seen placing the carefully crafted red and white plaque on a concrete post near the fatal crash site. It simply says; "Ralentis, tu vas trop vite!" which we think means England's Rose
Should internet porn be restricted?
MP's to take part in mass debate
Pete Doherty gets early release from jail
In other news: Colombia to announce boost in exports
Hacking investigators say thousands of numbers found
This figure was later revised when they realised they had picked up a copy of the yellow pages by mistake
Liz Hurley sneaks naked into spoof writer's bedroom
What do you mean it's not true, don't spoil it
Facebook adds in Skype video chat
In other news: A company that sells novelty masks say it has completely sold out of the one that makes a fat fifty year old look like a young schoolboy
UK experts find clue to pain of sunburn
No shit Sherlock. It's called Sun Burn. The clue is in the name
Armed siege in Southend over
Six hundred Essex police officers managed to arrest one unarmed man. One officer said; "This is the best overtime payment since the miners' strike, a good result all round"
Police investigation clears newspaper over hacking allegations
Rupert Murdoch says; "This was the expected outcome from what is quite possibly the best police force money can buy"
Tim Pawlenty Keeping It Nice and Very, Very Simple
Tim Pawlenty's campaign team has finally agreed on his presidential campaign slogan. Pawlenty's new slogan is "Huh?"
Lindsay "The I'm Really A Good Girl Really" Lohan Is Trying
Lindsay Lohan says she is on the road to doing good and proof of that is that she has just agreed to do a commercial for the latest in ankle bracelet monitoring devices.
The Happiest Mug Shot In The History of Mug Shots
Law enforcement officials are thinking about having Sen. John Edwards mug shot photoshopped because he appears way too happy in the photo. They plan to make him look more like Gary Busey.
Sarah Palin Has Just About Pretty Much Lost Most of The Jewish Vote
Sarah Palin was asked what she thinks about bar mitzvahs. She paused for a few seconds and then replied, "Well ya know, I guess I'm okay with them but only as long as they stay in the bars."
Florence Henderson Says That She Was Talking About The Seafood Family
A highly embarrassed Florence Henderson is now changing her story about former NYC Mayor John Lindsay giving her crabs. She now says she meant to say he gave her a very nice lobster.
Renegade Paparrazi going undercover. Celebs panic.
A number of 'bored' members of the Paparrazi have gone undercover to pap celebs. pooping. Celebs. having to take extraordinary measures to continue enjoying bowel movements in privacy.
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