The St. Louis Radiation Workers Know Their Business
Workers at The St. Louis Radioactive Power Plant aren't really worried about the reports of possible radiation leaks but they are somewhat concerned about their flashing nostrils.
The Labor Laws Were So Much Different Back Then
The Egyptian government has just discovered a pyramid that they now believe was built using illegal aliens from Libya, Saudi Arabia, and The Sudan.
Is There a Category Minus One Hurricane?
Everything in America seems to be getting weaker; the economy, the dollar, whiskey, and even hurricanes. Hurricane Don was not really even a hurricane it was more like a big Wynonna Judd sneeze.
Louisiana - The State Formerly Known As The Tar Ball State
The state of Louisiana is thrilled beyond belief that some son-of-a-bitch oil corporation hasn't had a damn oil spill in over a year.
Essex Pub Puts Up a Dartboard!
'Disgusting' ; 'Have they no shame'; 'I'm not even sure it's legal anymore' ; 'Inform Health & Safety', have been just some of the more printable comments from the local community.
Are you pregnant? Have you considered getting leprosy?
Then why not try new Leprosy+, the safe leprosy infection kit to guarantee you a pain-free childbirth.
Warning: may cause loss of extremities.
Americans advised to move to higher ground
The floodgates are likely to open if a Federal Judge's decision to release the hundreds of pages of Nixon's testimony in the Watergate incident is upheld.
Americans advised to move to higher ground.
Swan Upping is over. The swans are grateful.
Swan Uppin is over. Swan pop.counted. Next time you complain about completing a Census form,be glad you are not a swan,trussed up to be weighed,also poked and prodded. Maybe some of you would enjoy!?
Grand Prix Doubles
To satisfy both Sky Sports and the BBC next year's Grand Prix will be run twice - first for one media outlet, then the other. 'It gives everyone a better chance of winning' said David Button.
written by j.w.
, 30 July 2011
Murder Confessions Escalate
Following the successful libel action of newspapers by Christopher Jeffries queues are forming outside police stations of people confessing to murders. Tabloids are inundated with phone messages.
written by j.w.
, 30 July 2011
Kim Jong-il to perform at Olympics
Kim Jong-il of North Korea says that he wants to light the cauldron at next year's Olympic Games in London.The reputable head of state says he has always wanted to light someone's fire so why not now.
Accomplice to murder sought
Norwegian authorities are looking for an accomplice to the murderer of 74 people last week. Suspects include Ronald McDonald, Mickey Mouse, Bugs Bunny, Buzz Lightyear, Mr Potato Head and more. Golly!
Michele Bachmann Tries To Do Some Damage Control
Michele Bachmann asks the American people not to become upset with her because of her husbands stupid gay barbarian comments. She then adds that everyone knows that not all gays are barbarians.
Now That Ain't A Bad Deal
The Cuban government offered President Obama 500 boxes of their best cigars in exchange for Joan Rivers. They told him that they need to stick her in their sugar fields to scare away the damn crows.
Arizona Governor Jan Brewer Says She Will Not Be Running For President
Governor Jan Brewer has said that she has never heard of The Douche Bag Party much less agreed to be its 2012 presidential candidate.
Sarah Palin Is PETA's Number One Persona Non-Grata
PETA has asked its members not to vote for Sarah Palin since she shoots animals for no good reason. They said if she really needs food that bad she can go to the grocery store like everyone else.
The Mystery of Donald Trump's Hairdo
A new scientific study on hair has shown that there is no way that Donald Trump's hair should look the way it looks and actually not be fake.
Monica "The Friendly Intern" Lewinsky Has Her Dancing Shoes On
Monica Lewinsky said she'd like to appear on Dancing With The Stars. She told the producers that they do not have to worry about her hitting on any men since Bruno is gay and Len is old as hell.
Congressmen Are All Going To Have To Grow Up Sooner or Later
All of this congressional fighting is causing such a horrible impression on today's youth that experts are predicting that by the year 2022 there won't be anyone around who wants to be a congressman.
The One and Only Dick "The Dick" Cheney
Dick Cheney says he is still hated so much by the American people that even Casey Anthony won't return his text messages.
Democratic Left Wing Incompetence
Pres. Obama, former HS Pelosi, SML Reid & Congressional Democrats economically screwed the pooch for two years. Now they blame the USA debt limit & deficit crisis on Republicans for not compromising!
A Concrete Cap
Republicans desire a Balanced Budget Amendment to the US Constitution. The American people desire that Congressional Democratic liberal left big spenders be put in a cave with a huge concrete cap!
Have you seen the President's Plan?
While both houses of the US Congress debate the economic future of the US, President Obama the purveyor of $3 trillion in deficit spending worries about automobile mileage in 2025!
What Part of Stop Spending Don't You Understand?
US economy (GDP) grows at a 1.3% annual rate and the economically clueless President Obama wants to spend more money the US doesn't have! Hidden Democratic liberal left socialist agenda?
President Obama asks Americans to call Congress
A flood of calls to the US Capitol about the debt limit have at times overwhelmed the Congressional phone and email systems. A large number of messages call for the impeachment of President Obama!
Presidential Participation in the Debt Ceiling Debate
President Obama has been working the phones ordering pizzas for Republican House Speaker Boehner, Democratic Senate Majority Leader Reid and Republican Senate Minority Leader McConnell!
Pres. Obama's overall job approval rating hits new low, averaging 40% according to latest Gallup poll. White House Press Secretary Carney was relieved as he thought it would be 18% like Congress!
Economic Bright Spots
Overseas sales of US made products remain strong for some US factories. Following the resolution of the debt limit crisis, President Obama can be expected to screw up this foreign trade!
Where's the President?
According to White House Press Secretary Carney, President Obama has been too busy combating athlete's foot in Outer Slobovia to worry about the US deficit, national debt and raising the debt limit!