Shocking news about Olympic Flame
Someone blew it out!
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Life without you
I don't want life without you. I couldn't manage. I need you. Give me a break Rupert I can't bear you to be angry with me.
Just phone me and say you are listening to me again.
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written by
j.w., 27 July 2011
Don't let me influence you.
I know you are your own man. Independent, self assured and just a bit cocky. So you will know it is best for you if you do what I bloody well say and learn to be one of the crowd.
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written by
j.w., 27 July 2011
Want a Woman?
Are you longing for a kiss and cuddle? And MORE. You've come to the right place - just watch Arsenal every week and you'll get a kiss and cuddle almost every week. And MORE.
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written by
j.w., 27 July 2011
Are you FAT?
Are you an overweight plonker? Do you find you are unable to put your trousers on in the morning? Don't worry, I can make you loose weight rapidly - you just need to drink this lethal poison.
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written by
j.w., 27 July 2011
Just Remember
Just remember who has been so good and kind to you. Forget it and you might find yourself without a friend.
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written by
j.w., 27 July 2011
Inadequate
Do you feel inadequate with a prick six feet long? Is your girl friend fed up with a penis which cannot reach as far as her garden shed? We can make you a real man with a weapon to raise the roof.
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written by
j.w., 27 July 2011
What's Your Problem?
Can't you get out and enjoy yourself like everyone else? Complaining all day about having nothing to do. Join the hundreds of people who eat Marmite and rhubarb sandwiches every day.
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written by
j.w., 27 July 2011
New cancer wonder drug
It's called "Libya". Only got three months to live? Try Libya, you will live for at least two years longer and remember, its government approved.
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Olympic Torch to be carried through Middlesbrough N.E. England
Most residents of The Boro are ecstatic that the Olympic Torch will be carried through their town. Police are forming a tactical 'Hoody Squad' to keep chavs 'in check'. See related story.
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English Olympic village on time and on budget
David Cameron said; "This just goes to show what can be done with English tax payers money and East European labour"
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Spoof writer taken to hospital after collapsing
Spoof writer,Lady Godiva is said to be 'comfortable' in hospital in Hamilton, Ontario.Apparently she collapsed into a mini coma when her husband stopped to ask for directions on their way to Barrie.
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Wal Mart in financial difficulty
Wal Mart will be selling all walls of stores and will turn them into open-air markets in an attempt to get out of the present financial hole in which they find themselves.
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Strike season in South Africa
With every possible trade union in South Africa on strike the sun has joined in, South Africa's in the grip of a cold front with snow causing havoc to the country's non existent economy.
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Richard Hammond shocked at what he found when filming ''Journey to the Bottom of the Ocean" series
He told reporters he was shocked at what he found at the bottom of the an when filming his science series:
THOUSANDS OF LAWYERS LYING THERE STILL HOLDING THEIR BRIEFS
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Tiger Woods asked "What's the secret of a long drive"
"Make sure you fill up your petrol tank before you set off,"
answered Tiger with wink.
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Queen Elizabeth knocked to the ground. Case of mistaken identity.
Two young men arrested for knocking the Queen to the ground, apologized saying it was a case of mistaken identity. She was carrying a handbag with a Burberry design on and they thought she was a chav.
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Origh' ?
Chavs thinking of getting rid of 'oodies and Burberry 'stuff' "Coz we keep ge'in' mugged like inni' an' we're ge'in bored now anyways."
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Anti Chav groups forming all over Britain
It's not the KKK it's the CCC 'Cripple Chavs Campaign' that is booming in Britain as more and more people join the movement to rid the country of illiterate, scroungers.
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Cutting down on Your Hospital Visits
Berkshire NHS trust advise visitors to see their friends/family in hospital via Skype. This is a great idea because it'll save visitors thousands of pounds in grapes, flowers and car parking charges.
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Berkshire NHS Trust in Cost-Cutting Exercise
Berkshire NHS trust are advising people to visit friends/relatives in hospital by using Skype. This will be beneficial for anyone who has Halitosis
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Glenn Beck Is Slightly Annoyed
Glenn Beck has compared the Labour Party youth camp in Norway, with the Hitler youth because he was angry at not being invited to Bohemia Grove holiday camp.
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So Is Ann Coulter's Invitation In The Mail?
President Obama was asked if he had invited Ann Coulter to his 50th birthday party. He smiled and replied, "No, but on second thought, I do think dat da bitch would make a damn good piñata."
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Wendi Deng Makes Sarah Palin Look Like A White Smurf
Sarah Palin was asked her thoughts on Rupert Murdoch's wife Wendi Deng leaping at the man who threw the shaving foam pie plate at her husband. Palin smiled and said, "I guess she's okay for a girl."
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Jon "Who?" Huntsman
GOP candidate Jon Huntsman says he is tired of having to explain to everyone that he did not come out of the Witness Protection Program.
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Take Two Aspirin and Call Bill O'Reilly In The Morning
Michele Bachmann says that all of the media talk about her headaches has only served to give her more headaches.
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God Makes Visit to Austin
God sets the record straight in Austin as he appears in Barton Springs Park to tell people he did NOT tell Rick Perry to run for President. "Why the hell would I do that?" he asked.
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