Two headed Royal python now in two minds
The two headed Royal python in Germany is now in two minds about its future. It's looking into 'separation surgery'. It is not yet known how risky this will be and whether or not this is an option.
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John Terry makes startling confession
John Terry believes that having 2 first names, one standing for a surname, has caused many a man to stray. He named:
well....he said he'll get back to us when he thinks of some.
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Mystery of Stinky Feet solved
Scientists have being conducting studies for years and have now discovered that stinky feet are a result of eating green vegetables. The more green veggies. consumed, the stinkier the feet.
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Canoes biggest sellers in Northern England
As a result of the recent weather forecast for Northern England, shops selling canoes and lifejackets report their highest sales ever.
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Rebekah Brooks falls for Golf Pro.
In an effort to distance herself from the WAGs it is rumoured that Rebekah Brooks has a crush on Darren Clarke, Irish Golf Pro. She doesn't wish to be associated with the 'lower classes' of WAG's.
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Scandals Induce Senator McCain to Sell One of His Seven Homes
Republican Senator John McCain of Arizona announced that the recent scandals involving abuse of power have induced him to sell one of his seven homes. He called owning more than six homes excessive.
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They knew nothing
Ten resignations in the Hacking scandal from people who knew nothing about it.
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written by
j.w., 17 July 2011
I Resign!
I am resigning from my post as chief investigator of Hacking but I knew nothing about anything that was wrong and I did nothing incorrect. My integrity is unblemished.
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written by
j.w., 17 July 2011
Angler Told Off By Wife
For having a carp in the bath.
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Squirrel peril
Willow trees in Surrey are to be armour plated to prevent hungry squirrels from damaging them with their nuts. Local Tony Christie objected to the plans, saying "Is this the way to armour willows?"
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Golfer Told Off By Wife
Told not to wash his balls in the sink.
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Take Me Out To The Good 'Old Wholesome' Ball Game
Major League Baseball in an effort to project a more wholesome image to its fans is seriously considering eliminating the age old tradition of chewing tobacco spitting and crotch grabbing.
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It's All About Trying To Cut Down On Expenses
The economical crisis is truly having an adverse effect on everyone. Reports are that the Taliban and Al Qaeda are thinking about merging.
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NASCAR Stands Behind and Supports Its Pit Crews
Due to the fact that NASCAR tire changers are all union workers NASCAR will be leaving the non-union state of Wisconsin as soon as humanly possible.
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President Obama Says The Savings Will Amount To 20 Percent
The Federal Government in an effort to cut down on expenses will be removing one of the sides from the Pentagon Building and turning it into the Square Building.
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News International offers new apology
We got caught, what a bummer!
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Mystery surrounds fifteen lorries found at bottom of Beachy Head
In other news. TomTom apologize for "slight glitch" in their latest sat-nav software update
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Unmarked Essex Police car involved in crash
This is not the same headline as yesterday; this is another police car crash.
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Man pisses up Leaning Tower of Pisa and is arrested!
A drunken man in Pisa pissed up the leaning tower in an attempt to save his new shoes getting sprayed by rebounding piss, logical. Leaning walls don't have the same rebound effect as straight walls!
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Looney Rooney fan watches Liverpool train in Man United shirt!
A loony Man U fan had the balls to infiltrate a Liverpool training session wearing a Rooney Man U shirt, Liverpool fans attempted to kick the crap out of him and Rooney called him a "Looney" legend!
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Latest Celebrity Name Sunday League Result...
Harpenden 7 Beckenham 0
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written by
pinxit, 17 July 2011
Cutbacks… Sort of
The RAF has revealed its largest aircraft, called the Voyager. It only has two jet engines in the hope of some fuel economy… I guess that is evidence of cutbacks?
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A L E R T : Foxes Closes Down News Operations
Citing Fox News operation's inability to connect with viewers "on our terms", multi-billionaire media mogul Rupert Murdoch teafully announced he is throwing Fox News "on the ash heap of history".
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Sarah Palin to be new CEO of News Int.
Murdoch said it will re-establish his credibility.
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