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Rating:

Rastafarians Behind News Of The World Plot

Let Spiffle! cure you of that Nude Hartebeeste Fetish. "My life was spoiled by a morbid dread of a pork butcher with a widow's peak", says Leicester shoehorn collector Miles Tupperware, "but Spiffle! cured me!" Spiffle! - It's not Piffle!.

written by Erskin Quint, 11 July 2011
Rating:

About 7 Trillion Insects Meet Their Death of British Roads Every Year

A survey says that an estimated 7 trillion insects meet their death on British roads every year. However, there are no insects in the corridors of power in Whitehall - they're just parasites.

written by IN SEINE, 11 July 2011
Rating:

Norwegian would

A Norwegian car salesman has given up his day job to help tourists find their way around the mountains and valleys of his native country. His new job title: "Fjord Escort".

written by MonkeyInTheBath, 11 July 2011
Rating:

Joan Rivers Is Right Behind Heidi Montag In The Implant Department

Joan Rivers has had so much body and facial implant surgery done that whenever she sneezes it smells like just like plastic.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 July 2011
Rating:

Harold Camping Had Better Not Mess With Texas

Governor Rick "The Stick" Perry says he won't put up with flim-flam artists and vows that if Harold "The End of The World" Camping dares to set foot in Texas he will have the quack shot in the foot.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 July 2011
Rating:

Derek What's-His-Name By Any Other Last Name

New York Yankees super star Derek Jeter has just announced that he is planning on changing his name to the more politically correct Derek Peter.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 July 2011
Rating:

Poor Gary Busey Just Does Not Seem To Get Any Respect

Dr. Phil was asked if he would like to interview Gary "Space Alien" Busey. Dr. Phil replied, "Interview him? Hell I don't wanna be on the same planet as that fruity flake."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 July 2011
Rating:

Now That Is The High Priced Spread!

If the Kardashian sister's butts were laid end-to-end they would reach from El Lay to San Fransissyco.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 July 2011
Rating:

Dick "The WMD Liar" Cheney Will Never Ever Change

Former Vice-President and resident White House arrogant SOB Dick Cheney has just released his latest book. It is entitled Yep America, I'm Still A Dick!

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 July 2011
Rating:

Wynonna Judd Has Never Met A Hostess Twinkie She Did Not Like

Wynonna Judd is such a big fan of eating that she has named her cat Bacon Girl and her dog Bacon Boy.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 July 2011
Rating:

Elton John - The Guy Who Likes Gals (Kinda)

Elton John has agreed to appear on the reality show The Real Housewives of Intercourse, Pennsylvania, but he is a disappointed that he will not get to appear as one of the housewives' girlfriends.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 July 2011
Rating:

News Corporation share price plummets

An insider blamed the share price fall on a recent unexpected increase in mobile phone charges

written by Les Being, 11 July 2011
Rating:

Murdoch makes statement

At a press conference he said; "I'll fix this mess by hook or by crook". Probably not the best choice of words but it's nice to Gerald Ratner's speech writer back in work.

written by Les Being, 11 July 2011
Rating:

Met police face pension crisis

Officers concerned after their pension top scheme was closed last Sunday

written by Les Being, 11 July 2011
Rating:

For sale. Office paper shredder

Only one week old but well used and in need of slight attention. Any reasonable offer considered. Call Rebekah Brooks, landline only please.

written by Les Being, 11 July 2011
Rating:

Rebekah Brooks has withdrawn from a prize-giving event at Preston's Fulwood

According to the Head teachers voicemail

written by Les Being, 11 July 2011
Rating:

NHS staff lose faith in managers

They also lost an elderly man who walked off and a pregnant woman they had put in a broom cupboard

written by Les Being, 11 July 2011
Rating:

David Beckham spotted in Greggs the bakers

He said he got confused. He wanted to go and watch the Open Golf Championship in Sandwich

written by Les Being, 11 July 2011
Rating:

Met police accused of taking money from NoW for information

Speaking from her luxury yacht, PC Penny Grabber said; "That's an outrageous slur. I'm as straight as a banana"

written by Les Being, 11 July 2011
Rating:

Disabled boy in England not allowed to join Boy Scouts

A boy, born with only 2 fingers on his right hand,has been blocked from joining the Boys Scouts because he is unable to make the correct salute. The clever lad left giving a two fingured salute.

written by Lady Godiva, 11 July 2011
Rating:

Wills and Kate back on British ground

Both said the first thing they were looking forward to was a 'decent cup of tea'.

written by Lady Godiva, 11 July 2011
Rating:

Two headed Royal python undecided

The two headed Royal python is believed to be in two minds about being trained to predict World Cup game outcomes.

written by Lady Godiva, 11 July 2011
Rating:

Harper Seven

It cleans, it shines, it disinfects!

None of the above. It's the name of the Beckhams' new baby girl.

written by Lady Godiva, 11 July 2011
Rating:

Posh and Becks have their lillte girl

Congrats to Victoria and David on the birth of their baby girl....but the name....Harper Seven! Sounds like the name of a gang wanted for major crimes, or a toilet bleach brand name. Poor child.

written by Lady Godiva, 11 July 2011
Rating:

New Dandelion and Murdock Soda.


'Seems like a good idea when you buy it, but leaves an unpleasant taste in your mouth'

written by churchmouse, 11 July 2011
Rating:

Mayan calendar predicted News of the World ending in 2012

Only one year out. That's not bad for an ancient civilization that didn't have access to a pocket calculator.

written by Les Being, 11 July 2011
Rating:

US suspends Pakistan military aid…......

by the ankles until he tells them where the rest of al-Qaeda are hiding out

written by Les Being, 11 July 2011
Rating:

Beckhams have baby girl

When David was asked if he was disappointed because she can't play for Man U. He said no, there's always West Ham

written by Les Being, 11 July 2011
Rating:

A Ministry of Defence Health Warning

"WARNING: Improvised Explosive Devices can kill. British soldiers cannot, if they catch you planting them!"

written by IN SEINE, 11 July 2011
Rating:

Tom Cruise May Be Getting His Own Reality Show

Tom Cruise has been asked to host a brand new reality show called Okay So Who Wants To Jump On My Couch For Some Damn Good Prizes?

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 July 2011
Rating:

David "El Gordo" Crosby Knows His Mail

David Crosby said that he first realized that he had a weight problem when he started receiving junk mail that was addressed to Fat Occupant.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 July 2011
Rating:

The Reason Why Larry King Will Not Be Dancing on 'Dancing With The Stars'

Larry King says that he would love to appear on Dancing With The Stars but can't because he does not dare leave his sex hormone-crazed wife at home alone.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 July 2011
Rating:

Another Internet Site Bites The Dust

The Internet site called Sitting on My Facebook has been officially shut down due to the obvious reason.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 July 2011
Rating:

Oprah Winfrey The Woman With More Relatives Than The Osmond Family

Oprah Winfrey saying that she already misses not being on television is planning on putting together a new reality show called, Hey Lissen Up - So Which of My Long Lost Relatives You Be Huh?

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 July 2011
Rating:

Sarah Palin Defends Mexico

Sarah Palin was recently asked about the San Andreas Fault. She thought about it for a second and then replied that people have to stop blaming Mexico for every little thing that happens in Arizona.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 July 2011
Rating:

Brett "The Retired Viking" Favre Wants To Dance Real Bad

Brett Favre has expressed a desire to appear on the next edition of Dancing With The Stars but the shows producers are afraid that his tears could cause him or his partner to slip on the dance floor.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 July 2011
Rating:

Governor Jan "The Man" Brewer Is At It Again

Governor Jan Brewer of Arizona is getting a bit carried away with her illegal alien situation. She has now decided to ban Leprechauns from entering the state.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 July 2011
Rating:

Miss Oprah Winfrey Does Have Lot$ of Money

If all of Oprah Winfrey's money was laid end-to-end it would stretch around John Goodman's stomach a total of 9.8 trillion times.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 July 2011
Rating:

Hertz Is Number One - Avis Is Number Two

In a move to capture the mood of the present times considering the exploits of Anthony Weiner, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and John Edwards, Avis is changing their slogan from We Try Harder to We're Hard.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 July 2011
Rating:

US suspends aid to Pakistani military

"Nanny, nanny, na, na!" taunted the Obama administration, dangling the aid just out of reach.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 11 July 2011
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