Order by:
Rating:

FBI Says Speaker of the House OK

Object found in Capitol dumpster resembling John Boeher's head was just a slightly deflated basketball.

written by manbrad, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Blow-Out in Iraq?

Upcoming Arab summit plan in Iraq faces challenges, bombings!

written by Bureau, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Reading of Constitution in Congress Blasted As Stunt

Yeah, like conservatives can read.

written by manbrad, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Bering Sea, Sarah Palin Once Warmer

The Bering Sea, a frigid strip of ocean between Alaska & Russia, was once a much-warmer home to a rich diversity of life, new research suggests. People like Sarah Palin practically lived in swimsuits.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Not the Easiest Song to Dance to!

The Fantastic Johnny C has just released his first big hit in years with "Vuvuzela Down Broadway".

written by Bureau, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Farmer's Weekly

Satellite Data provide a new way to monitor groundwater in agricultural regions!!! Now everyone calm down. We need not panic. Take three deep breaths.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Giant Maggot on loose!

A giant Maggot was on the run last night after attacking several anglers on the bankside of the River Thames near Windsor. One angler managed to beat it off with a 2lb Dace.

written by armfeetandtoe, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Poll Results in on Giffords Shooting

93% of Americans glad they aren't Sarah Palin
97% of Americans glad they aren't Glenn Beck
3-7% were undecided.

written by Charpa93, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Ozzy Osbourne - The "Duke of Diction" Has A New Dog

Ozzy Osbourne, the musical icon known as "The Prince of Darkness," has just bought a new dog. When asked what he named it Ozzy replied, "Ahhhhhh waaaaa uuuuum ahhhhhh Fiiiiido.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 09 January 2011
Rating:

The Three Biggest "Crybabies" In America Are All Grown Men

John Boehner, Glenn Beck, and Brett Favre have agreed to appear in a commercial for Johnson's "No Tears" Baby Shampoo.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 09 January 2011
Rating:

FLASH: Jesse James, aka The Ex-Mr. Sandra Bullock Is Now Totally Covered In Tattoos

The ex-Mr. Sandra Bullock, Jesse James has said that he has finally run out of body space so his next tattoo will be tattooed on his tongue.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 09 January 2011
Rating:

The State of New Jersey Plans To File A Rebuttal

America's National Olfactory Commission has just named New Jersey as 'The Smelliest State in the Nation.' When Governor Christie was asked for his comment on that decision he replied, "It stinks!"

written by Abel Rodriguez, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Kanye West and Naomi Campbell Could Be Heading Into The Recording Studio

Taylor Swift has suggested that Kanye West and Naomi Campbell should record a duet together. She giggled and said that they could record it under the name "Prince Pest and Queen Mean."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Cameron Backs King

Cameron Backs King in 'Extremely Difficult' U.K. rat policy. Sorry, that should be "rate" policy.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Reserves Set for $2.8 Trillion Mean Belt Tightening!

Reserves say China economics demands a tightening of US belts, suspenders and elastic underwear.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Reagan Offers Lesson for Obama on Fixing Tax Code

Former President Reagan Offers Lesson for Obama on Fixing Tax Code according to Albert Hunt after White House seance.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Moutai's 106-Proof Liquor Shields Investors from Inflation

Moutai's 106-Proof Liquor Shields Investors from Inflation! Big old purple and yellow lightning, snakes all over the floor!

written by Bureau, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Green Hornet

Seth Rogen says that, although he loved playing the Green Hornet, he grew tired of having to buzz and finally called on a soundtrack of vuvuzelas.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Pelosi: Dems Lost House -- Because of Bush!

Pelosi: Dems Lost House -- Because of Bush! He also caused us to lose in 2000 & 2004!

written by Bureau, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Bash is ON!

Duke of Edinburgh relents over Queen's plans for his 90th birthday bash. "Sorry. I misunderstood the word 'bash' before", he states.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Harley Flu?

Fears over mutating swine flu virus that could render vaccine useless. "The one mutating with Harley Hogs could ruin your privates", warns one doctor.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Royal Knees Up!

A right Royal knees up! Pubes can open until 1am for TWO days in a row to celebrate William and Kate's wedding. Sorry, that should be "Pubs".

written by Bureau, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Pubs Celebrate

A right Royal knees up! Pubs can open until 1am for TWO days in a row to celebrate William and Kate's wedding. "We're rich!" shouts sarcastic Pub owner.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Twitter Ads Crackdown

Stop Tweeting - or we will take you to court! Watchdog's crackdown on celebrities who plug products on Twitter..like "Twiggy's Twitters".

written by Bureau, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Bacteria Eating Oil Now Eating Everything

Bacteria also removed spilled methane from Gulf. Health officials warn swimmers not to wear oil on bodies fart in the water or they may be eaten alive.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Bird Deaths Occur Regularly

FACT CHECK: Mass bird, fish deaths occur regularly...every time witches are taxed in Romania.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Obama on Economy

Obama says economy moving in right direction..."even though we have tried to move it to the left."

written by Bureau, 09 January 2011
Rating:

China Developing Weapons at Record Pace

Gates says China moving fast on new weapons as ray guns and secret decoder rings now regularly issued to two million soldiers.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Discovery Mission Delayed Again

Space shuttle Discovery's mission delayed again. This time its UFO's hovering over Florida and Houston, Texas.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Insects Out of Control

Portuguese TV star slain, castrated at NYC hotel, as bed bugs become increasingly vicious.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2011
Rating:

We're All Mad as Hatters

27 deaths, including 14 decapitated, rock Acapulco! AZ shooting targets US congresswoman, kills 6! No getting around it, the whole world has gone nuts!

written by Bureau, 09 January 2011
Rating:

US Congresswoman shot

News reports say shot US congresswoman 'critical'.

If it was me I'd be more than just critical, I'd be absolutely LIVID.

written by ExiledRoyal, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Thousands of Twitterers mysteriously fall dead from Skype

Dubbed the "App-pocalypse" by users, scientists say this is a perfectly natural phenomenon, likely brought on by a computer virus, and nothing to worry about.

written by Juvenal Delinquent, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Roy Hodgson "resigns" to the fact that Liverpool F.C. are crap!

Ex-Liverpool manager Roy Hodgson has resigned, but "he'll never walk alone" his bank account is bulging and he's been offered a job as Kermit in the Muppet show!

written by Jaggedone, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Proof William Hague is not gay!

A letter was sent to Ffion Hague, stating they had not had sex with Willy in a hotel bedroom was signed by Damien, Wilberforce, Twinkle, Julian, Antoine, Dominic, Shirley, Octavio, Tyquan and Xavier.

written by Inchcock, 09 January 2011
Rating:

SarahPAC website removes 'Hit List' map

In the wake of the Arizona shooting, SarahPAC quickly removes the map with gun sights targeting political opponents saying, "God forbid our idiot gun-loving supporters think we're actually serious."

written by Juvenal Delinquent, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Stephen Barclay MP to be prosecuted for expense fiddle!

Stephen Barclay MP is to be prosecuted for expense fiddle!
He commented, you can bank on my being cleared - Rt Hon Kenneth Clarke QC who will be sitting on the trial says so!

written by Inchcock, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Bad Headline number 77

Eligible Pet Owners Can Get Free Neutering,

written by IN SEINE, 09 January 2011
Rating:

FOX News Looking Into Twenty Five Hour News Cycle!

Thinks the twenty four hour cycle is a conspiracy by the liberal media.

written by ESB, 09 January 2011
Rating:

How Much Does A S**T Ton Way?

Scientists say a very smelly two thousands pounds.

written by ESB, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Peeping Tom Looking In Your Window!

Seriously. Look behind you!

written by ESB, 09 January 2011
Rating:

English Nerds Rate Sex With Punctuation!

An exclamation point is considered excellent, a period just okay and a question mark terrible. Colons are considered down right nasty.

written by ESB, 09 January 2011
Rating:

New Facebook Feature Revealed!

You can read about it on my Facebook page.

written by ESB, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Facebook Adds New Feature!

But I don't know what it is.

written by ESB, 09 January 2011
Rating:

People Will Read Anything!

Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah. I had pizza for dinner. Told you so.

written by ESB, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Sarah Palin Will Certainly Not Be A Friend of Global Warming Now!

Al Gore says that he can tell that Global Warming is all ready starting to affect Sarah Palin. When asked to explain he replied that he has noticed some little black whiskers growing on her chin.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 09 January 2011
Rating:

"Honey, Can You Pass Me One Of The Cooked Snails Please"

The World Citizens Health Organization has warned food consumers that eating uncooked snails could possibly slow down your metabolism to a snail's pace.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 09 January 2011
Rating:

In The Where Are They Now Department: American Idol Reject Tatiana Del Toro

Tatiana Del Toro - The American Idol reject is living in Pakistan where she answers phone call questions from customers complaining about defective Trojan Condoms.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 09 January 2011
Rating:

You Will Not Believe What Madonna Asked Her Gynecologist

Madonna reportedly talked to her gynecologist about having her tooth gap botoxed. He laughed at her and told her to get her silly old has-been ass out of his office cause he had real patients to see.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Glenn Beck Has Now Done Gone And Pissed Off The Nazi's

The Sieg Heil Nazi Organization of Argentina has warned talk show host Glenn Beck to stop using their Nazi memorabilia, artifacts, and swastika signs without their permission.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Is there a Vaccine?

Former California Republican Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger once characterized being a liberal Democrat as having an illness. It seems the former governor caught the disease!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 09 January 2011
Rating:

More Obamacare Smoke and Mirrors

Democratic House Minority Leader Pelosi says the latest 2011 CBO "smoke and mirrors" deficit figures are based on the 2010 Obamacare "smoke and mirrors" deficit estimates are justified!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Their Cup of Tea

A Tea Party spokesperson says Democratic Senate Majority Leader Reid will retire once the Republicans recapture the Senate and President Obama is not reelected in the 2012 general elections!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 09 January 2011
Rating:

People Might Hurt Themselves

New OSHA regulation requires that hammers, screwdrivers and pliers may not be sold by hardware stores, unless buyers have taken a two year training course.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 09 January 2011
Rating:

False Face to Save False Numbers

Democratic House Minority Leader Pelosi says the repeal of Obamacare would add $230 billion to the US debt. She then volunteered to give up Botox and personally make up this difference!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 09 January 2011
Rating:

NPR Under New Management

Politically correct liberal management at National Public Radio has been removed following the firing of commentator Juan Williams. Two ladies from "The View" are being considered as replacements!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Net Neutrality Ruling

A new FCC ruling on net neutrality requires that all Internet TV providers' channel allocations must contain at least one free PORN channel!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Pelosi Has Bush-a-Phobia

Former HS Pelosi was taken to St. Elizabeth's Psychiatric Hospital in Wash. DC. Doctors diagnose Bush-a-phobia, constant need to blame the former GOP president for Democratic failed economic policies!



written by Philbert of Macadamia, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Bugs for Lunch

A bio-diversity group has asked the S Korean government for $1 billon to save the endangered polka dot cockroach found in Pyongyang N Korea. N Korea says the bugs have already been eaten.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Suck it Up

House Minority Whip Hoyer whines about the Democrats not being able to make amendments to the repeal of the Obamacare bill. Poor baby is "getting his own back" as the submariners say!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 09 January 2011
Rating:

New Edict

Islamist extremists have banned unrelated men and women from shaking hands, speaking or walking together, except in brothels!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Regulation

It was regulation, I know, and it didn't end right there at the start, just a passing glance, just a bureaucratic romance, and now I can't go on my way without supervision!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 09 January 2011
Rating:

The Name Sarah Has Become Very Popular In North Korea

Sarah Palin has become so popular in North Korea that the name Sarah has just surpassed the names Shin, Kyong, and Min as the most popular female names in the country.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Adam Lambert Is Starting To Question His Gayness

Adam Lambert is afraid that he may not be as gay as he thought he was. He reportedly said that he would love to kiss Kim Kardashian's great, big, badonkadonk (ass).

written by Abel Rodriguez, 09 January 2011
Rating:

The Truth About Why Monica Lewinsky Wants To Date President George Bush Senior

Monica Lewinsky reportedly wants to date former President George Bush Senior so that she can be that much closer to former President Bill "The Thrill" Clinton.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Arizona Is Thinking About Closing Down All Of The State's Taco Bells

The state of Arizona says it is considering closing down all of the Taco Bells in the state because a lot of the menu item names are in Spanish such as Tacos, Enchiladas, and Burritos.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 09 January 2011
Rating:

Islamists or Shakers

Somali Islamists ban all men, women from even shaking hands. Population to begin shrinking within months.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2011
Rating:

The Brand New Arkansas "Kissing" Law

The state of Arkansas has finally passed a law that strictly prohibits binge cousin kissing.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 09 January 2011
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