Snow White sues Dwarfs
Snow White says she contracted Clamidya from: "One of those dirty low down bums". And will take each one of them to court to seek justice. Dopey retorted. "I didnt know I had one".
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Paul Daniel's Tweet
I must have done a trick wrong...I didn't mean for my hair to disappear.....I meant a 'hare' as in 'rabbit'. Shit!
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Queen Lizzies Tweet
I hope Katie wears clean underwear for the wedding.
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Lady Godiva Tweet
I'm experiencing excruciating saddle sores. I need a break or some very strong ointment.
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Gordon Ramsay Tweet
Fuck! I hope that's not petrol I smell.
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Man survives l 000 ft. plunge from Scottish mountain
Turns out to be a Spoof writer with a thick skull and he wishes to remain anonymous for now. See related story now - or soon to be published. Worth 5 of anyone's thumbs.
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Tennis Devolution Stalled
The British Tennis Bored is trying to persuade the Scottish Tennis Bored to stop calling Andy Murray British when he loses and a Scot when he wins. 'The reverse is true' said a British official.
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written by
j.w., 30 January 2011
Defrocked Priest
A Priest in Bodmin, Cornwall has been defrocked for dressing up in women's clothes and climbing up the wall to knock his head on the glass ceiling. 'We are all One' he said has be removed his robe.
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written by
j.w., 30 January 2011
Will & Kate Sensation
Prince William and Kate Middleton are to star in 'Romeo on Juliet on Ice' with the Grimethorpe Colliery Band at the O2 arena. The ending has been changed to avoid two deaths.
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written by
j.w., 30 January 2011
Tear Gas Makers Pleased With Situation in Egypt
CAIRO - Tear Gas CO., makers of the gas in Cairo, are happy with the sales. "We help government, we make money. Win-Win. Okay, maybe not for protesters. But they buy gas too, right?"
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Sympathy For The Revels
Outrage today as the makers of Revels withdrew them from the market.Chocolatier Humphrey Wispa explained ' I work closely with the Revel family and warned them nobody likes the coffee ones.'
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Vodafone FreeBees Aren't Real Bees
The Bees in the Vodafone FreeBees advert aren't real,and are actually 2 vertically challenged out of work actors in suits.Bee expert Barry 'Buzz' Wightbeer said 'Real bees can't act.'
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'Mild Green Fairy Liquid'
Twinkle Toed Fruity Celebrity Louie Spence has put his name to a new range of cleaning products.Speaking about 'Fairy Liquids' Louie said 'I'll clean up with these products Darling.'
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Female Spoof Writer observation
Spoof Writer keeps writing stupid snippets about woman putting knickers on backwards and the like....
Female Spoof writers observes above and asks to NOT be called 'Lady Vagina' by Penises.
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Daily Telegraph writers can't spell for toffee
Elton John wants to keep gipsies out of his village. Yes gipsies. Incorrect spelling splattered across The Daily Telegraph pages. Shame on them. They pinch OUR stories and can't even spell.
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Murray outclassed by Djokovic, surprise, surprise!
Scot Andy Murray joined the ranks of Brit losers, losing their balls in a tennis Grand Slam final; foreign finalists never seem to lose them? Maybe Brit tennis players just don't have any?
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US Ambassador to India Denies Saying All US Consulate Staff in Pakistan Violent Thugs
US Ambassador to India, Timothy Roemer, denies alleging that all consulate staff in Pakistan are violent thugs busy shooting people. Click here for full story
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US Ambassador to India Denies Hating US Ambassador to Pakistan
US Ambassador to India Timothy Roemer denies hating the guts of US Ambassador to Pakistan, Cameron Munter, despite the fact that the two haven't had any meaningful talks in years.
Click here for full story.
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More about Salmon
A half red, half blue salmon has been discovered in Alaskan waters. President Obama tasks the National Ocean Council to determine if the fish is a Republican or a Democrat!
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Comcast Takes Over NBC Universal
The DOJ and FCC impose conditions preventing Comcast from keeping to itself many of NBC Universal's shows for the next few years. Millions of TV viewers thought they were going to get some new crap!
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Presidential Foreign Policy Advice
President Obama tells President Mubarak "Don't use force on your people," get your IRS to make sure all Egyptians pay health care premiums or they will suffer fines!
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You're in Good Hands
TSA will not employ outside contractors to perform pat-downs at any additional US airports. Don't you feel better now, knowing "your junk" is only in government hands!
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Makes Logical Sense
Instead of trying to ban firearm ownership for all citizens, while criminals will obtain guns illegally anyway, very stiff penalties have been proposed for crimes committed with a firearm!
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Republicans are not Listening to the American People
In 2010 Republicans retook the US House of Representatives based on Americans wanting an improved economy and jobs. In 2011 Republicans shot themselves in the foot by focusing on the abortion issue!
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