RAF Tornado Crashes in to Sea
An RAF Tornado crashed into the sea off the coast of Scotland today, leaving the other 2 to defend the British Isles.
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Ant To Hit Deck!
TV stalwart Ant Mcpartlin is to quit the box at the end of his current contract to take a position on a North Sea trawler. "I love fish,me!" he beamed earlier today.
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Things Go From Bad To Worse
The british government today confirmed that things have gone from bad to worse. Not better or worse. Or they would have said "things arnt as bad as you think". But they didnt think of it. In time.
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Humans are just "hairless" apes; a gorilla has proven it!
Gorillas and apes have been taking the piss out of humans for centuries because humans decided to stand up and work. Apes decided to stay on all fours, so they never had to work, very fucking clever!
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Anonymous Caller
I got an anonymous caller on my phone. Am I a victim of a cyder war? Are West Country apple growers without a name curtailing my grip on reality? IS MY PHONE SAFE FROM DESTRUCTION?
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written by
j.w., 27 January 2011
Tourism to Tunisia and Egypt Hots Up
The experience of taking part in demonstrations has encouraged several students of struggle to take short tourist trips to North Africa. Whilst there they hope to improve their education.
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written by
j.w., 27 January 2011
Did Gray & Keys Have Phones Hacked?
Former Sky Sports presenters, Andy Gray and Richard Keys are suing the News of the World for hacking into their phones. Julia Keys, who thinks her husband is a boy, has blown her top to amuse the lad.
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written by
j.w., 27 January 2011
Lady Godiva is finished! Time to celebrate...
What a great feeling-I've finished my first term report cards-just a few typos to fix and they'll be tucked neatly inside their envelopes. Yeah!
Better feeling than being No. 1 on Top Writers chart!
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Jamie Oliver's 30 second cookbook
Jamie Oliver is not to release his 30 second cookbook as reported earlier in the news story, he is in fact releasing his 32nd cookbook. Apologies MTL
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Man wins car with unusual 'proposal'
Car competition (TRUE) What would YOU do to win the car?...WINNER ...MAN WHO OFFERED TO - AND HAD - HIS WILLY TATOOD AT THE RADIO STATION WITH THE NAME OF THE CAR. THANK GOD IT WAS JUST A 'MINI'.
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You Know Where You Were
Everyone says 'I remember where I was when Kennedy died' such was the enormity of the incident.Well today a team of Dallas Scientists proved it never happened.
An Insider said 'It never happened.'
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Michele Bachmann Says the Grand Canyon Was Carved by George Washington
Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann stated at a fundraiser today that the Grand Canyon was hand carved by George Washington on Christmas in 1972 using the beak of a bald eagle.
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Government Officers Mark Assassination of Diligent Officer... by Not Working
Maharashtra Gazetted Officers Federation has called for its members to "shun work" on January 27 to protest the murder of Additional district collector Yashwant Sonawane. Click for full story
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Susan Boyle loves pussy
Susan Boyle does indeed admit to 'loving pussy'. Now, before you dirty sods take this the wrong way....she does of course mean 'cats' (I think!)
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Captain Schatz on the Gorch Fock! Crew mutiny of German Navy Ship.
Captain Schatz on the Gorch Fock! Wouldn't YOU mutiny if YOUR Captain SCHATZ on the Gorch Fock! Too bleeding true you would. Slippin' an' slidin' in that stuff is no joke.
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Another Liberal Political Speech
When a house is on fire, the owner doesn't discuss with the firemen a house to replace the burning house. President Obama, the USA's economic house is on fire and needs a fireman not an architect!
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A First Step
President Obama wants to redo the USA's transportation, communication and energy infrastructure without any interference. Homeland Security will be tasked to deport all environmentalists to Siberia!
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She Watched the Speech
Mildred Jones, a life-long Republican, watched President Obama's entire State of the Union speech and thought the president looked real good. She had the TV sound muted!
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More about Driving and Crotch Scratching
USDOT mandates that fungus cream be used by motorists to stop distractive crotch scratching while driving a car. FDA had a hissy-fit, claiming USDOT is encroaching on their mandate authority!
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Washington DC Politics
Democrats are large spenders and regulate everything, but are involved in big sex scandals. Republicans are fiscally responsible and sexual/bedroom regulators, but are involved in big money scandals.
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The Little Voices
President Obama keeps hearing little whispered voices from his White House political advisors that the USA's national debt is a problem, unfortunately the voices are in Chinese!
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It Gets Cold in parts of Nevada
Senate Majority Leader Reid told President Obama to "back off" on vetoing earmuffs. Oops that should have been earmarks!
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President Obama Didn't Take Advanced Math
Govt. deficit for 2011 will be a record $1.5 trillion, per a new CBO prediction. Obama wants to make "investments" spending more imaginary dollars. A math student will tell you, you need real dollars!
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Some Change is Coming
Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano is to announce the color-coded threat advisory system will be scrapped. It will be replaced by the three threat levels of Scissors, Rock and Paper!
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