Spoof news snippets from Sunday 23 January 2011
Monday Sucks
Monday Smith, swimwear model and false teeth wearer definitely does, says Saracens rugby team 1st and 2nd 15
Iran Nukes Useless?
Iran announces launch of new cyber police units. But the horse has already escaped the gate.
Secrets of Man v Woman Revealed
Women yesterday admitted to not understanding men in any kind of format whatsoever. Jack Savage, Spokesman for men said:
"Sorry what was that? Who gives a f**k, whats the score?" (Braarp)
Climate Change Crazy for Lawsuits
Climate change: Dogs of law are off the leash! Lawsuits against all factories for anything remotely related to Global Warming.
Big Issue Next Election
Republicans press for Senate vote on health care. "We want Americans to see where you stand."
He'll Hide It For Now
GOP's Cantor: I believe Obama is a US citizen. He plans to pull it out just before next election.
Buggy Sandwiches
Bug Mac' and lovely 'grub': food of the future. Aren't you glad you're living here now?
All About Honor
Arizona "honor killing" trial set to start just as soon as "His Honor" shows up.
Downbeat Americans
Nielsen: Americans downbeat on job, inflation, housing, worry about the Dallas Cowboys.
It's Going to be Rough Spotting the Suckers
China's new stealth fighter may use United States, Romulan technology.
New Copote Movie Remake
New adult movie based on Truman Copote novel, "The Ass Menagerie" to be out in the Spring.
A Bath Salt High!
Officials: 'Bath salts' are growing drug problem. The wrong use could cause teen to shit himself to death.
Labour Deny New Sexist Aleggations
Labour today denied that there is to be no new fanny drafted into the new labour HQ. A spokesman said:
"we got no promise of new fanny, but we couldnt give a f~~k"
Tony Blair refused to comment.
Spread It Out
Tea partiers say defense in mix for budget cuts. Bring soldiers home, place nukes in every state.
Obama Midpoint!
At Obama's midpoint, an altered State of the Union to an altered nation!
Jordan or Katie? Best Foot Forward
Celebrity magazine 'Total Bollocks' this week revealed in a survey that 78% of UK men would rather eat their own feet than go for a meal with Jordan/Katie Price.The other 22% fancied Alex Reid.
More Treachery From Labour Legacy
Gordon Brown today admitted to not giving a f**k about the country. "As far as im concerned, you can all go and f**k yorselves!" Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Obama Pushing New Spending Bill
Obama to Push New Spending Bill! Old spending bill has completely ran out of money.
Bucks Headed Back to US
China Bank moves to buy U.S. Branches. Offering is in cash, mostly tens and twenties.
Roast Bear for Evening Meal
Minnesota bar plans bear roast for NFC title game as PETA, Greenpeace and Chicago protest.
But It Was Close
Romney wins NH straw poll...Ron Paul takes 2nd...Scarecrow from Oz finishes 3rd.
Portugal Elects President
Portugal elects president amid economic worries, the 100th country to admit it.
Michael Vick: No Dog Deserves To Die, Except For That......
Michael Vick says the only dog that deserves to be killed is "that f--king rude d--khead that openly mocked me during 'Duck Hunt.'"
Invisible Plane in China
China's new stealth fighter may use US technology. Pentagon insider say that the Chinese will have trouble finding them when needed.
Night Guy Fell Asleep
Smoking ban likely to pass, especially after sixth fire station burns to the ground in the past year.
Longest Women's Match Ever
Schiavone wins longest women's match. Schiavone and opponent are over 12 feet, 6 inches long, between them.
Zsa Zsa Gabor Home
Zsa Zsa Gabor heading home a week after amputation. "Just call me Zsa & A Half", she tells reporters.
Tea Party Spreads
New Hampshire GOP picks tea party-style leader, Joe "The Mad Hatter" Smith.
Israel: Flotilla Interception Legal
Israeli inquiry: Flotilla interception was legal. Could have been giant missile smuggled in.
China Competing in Shoe Sales
China sports brand tries to break into US market. "Just as good as Nike's and only cost two bucks."
Feds On Drugs #2
Federal center hopes to spur drug research. These are expected to be approved much sooner than private companies.
Feds to Test Own Drugs
Federal center hopes to spur drug research by doing their own. "Just so it's tested on prison inmates and not animals", says PETA.
Mystery of Idaho Jackpot Winner
Mystery surrounds Idaho winner of $190 million. Some say that it's Dick Cheney who was hunting in the area.
Right to Marry?
Pope: Marriage is not an absolute right. Now into shouting match with Mormon leaders.
Obama Loses Gray Hair
Did Obama dye his gray hair away? Insiders say mother-in-law plucked out each gray hair while exalted Prez slept.
High on Bath Salts
Officials: 'Bath salts' are growing drug problem. "Just trying to clean out my nose", says naked man riding big dog.
WikiLeaks Were Hacked?
WikiLeaks: 1 percent of diplomatic docs published. Many incorrect as hackers place in things like "Castro eats boogers".
Might Have To Fight Them Later
China's new stealth fighter may use US technology. "That way we'll know how to bring them down", says military expert.
Tea Party Active
Tea partiers clamoring for the debt-ridden government to slash spending say nothing should be off limits, even the White House & Congress many vacations.
Freddie Flintoff's New Show
Freddie Flintoff has a new show where he does random challenges which involve physical challenges, but his knee is still too weak to play cricket! Right!
End of Imaginary Sponsership
Imaginary funding for the well publicised imaginary kingdom have been finalised today. Experts expect an imaginary resolution shortly. Imaginary currency has been ruled out in any possible deal.
Obama's Economic Agenda
Obama's economic agenda: Boost US competitiveness by going to 24-hour shifts!
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