Spoof news snippets from Friday 21 January 2011
Dodgy English Deal Spells end for UK Carier bag Industry
English bag firm HNKL have confirmed thier Tasco funding, and are waiting for the consumer to forget about global warming.
"bags are a form of food..just look at dog pooh"
Anyway, No Pardon!
No parole for Manson follower, Bullwinkle...Garfunkle.. Krenwinkel!
One Big Rocket
23-story rocket blasts off in California. "This baby could wipe out an entire nation", states Military Specialist.
Croc Ate My Phone
No app for this: Croc gulps phone, starts ringing. Strangely, it was th music to "Crocodile Rock".
Obama's Daughter A Teacher?
Obama's daughter, Sasha, practices Chinese with Hu. "He's getting a lot better", she tells everyone.
At Least His Hair Aint' White No More!
Are Things Looking Up For President Obama? Only if he's on his back like a turtle, clawing to get up!
Jimmy Weds Alicia
After a whirlwind smile funny faced funny man Jimmy Carr will marry popular R&B singer Alicia Keys.At the ceremony,always the man for a one liner,Jimmy quipped'She will be known as Alicia Carr-Keys'
Spurs and West Ham Agree to Share
Tottenman Hotspurs and West Ham United have agreed to share the former Olympic Stadium after the Games in 1012. Spurs will be call Hamspurs and United will become Totham.
The Spoof Is Now On Twatter
Sorry, that should be Twitter. Also on Fartbook. Oops, again. That's Facebook.
Highly Sexed Police
Instead on wielding truncheons the modern police have sexed up their equipment. The latest guns shoot hot liquid at the victim, sometimes a willing participant. Disciplinary measures can follow.
The Ins and Outs of the Transfer Window #5
"We don't just buy anyone!" claims Roberto Mancini as he stood by the revolving door at the City of Manchester Stadium.
The Ins and Outs of the Transfer Window #4
"The Beckham Saga"
Beckham seeks guy from Go Compare advert to give him cheaper insurance as the posh twat seeks a start for Spurs Reserves.
The Ins and Outs of the Transfer Window #3
Liverpool's "King" Kenny Dalglish sighted at Aldi searching for "quality buy"
The Ins and Outs of the Transfer Window #2
More French immigrants detained at Calais as Wenger looks to mount a title race.
The Ins and Outs of the Transfer Window #1
David Moyes will buy top defender "G. Wall of China" on loan from Shanghai in a bid to buy a defence which cannot be breached.
KFC in the UK prove they serve real chicken!
KFC in Nuneaton, UK, have now proof that the chicken nuggets they sell are real chickens not reconstituted. KFC only buy live chickens and one even flew through the window, what a "cock-up"!
San Fran Still Heavy in Debt, Gives Out Bonuses
Facing $1.6B shortfall, San Fran pays employees $170 million in bonuses. Other states who are managing well say they will not pay Calif. bills.
Where Are They?
Obama seeks to highlight economic successes as several states may seek bankruptcy.
Porn on Cable?
Parents Television Council calls for Federal investigation into MTV's 'Skins'...also, TNN's "Kin".
Police Budget Cuts
Are police budget cuts putting lives at risk? "We're buying our protection elsewhere now", states shopkeeper.
Clowns to The Left of Me!
HUNDREDS of mourners pay their last respects to Gerry Rafferty at his funeral. Afterward he was "stuck in the middle" of the ground.
Alex Reid: No More Cross-Dressing
Alex Reid vows never to become cross-dressing alter ego Roxanne again. "I just don't have the legs for it."
Andy Coulson Resigns
Andy Coulson today resigned as the PM's communications chief at Downing Street. Plans to live off blackmail while vacationing for the next five-ten years.
Biggest Loser
John (2 Eye-Bags) Prescott revealed today that he will be joining the next series of 'Biggest Loser'.
French FM Protested in Gaza
Palestinian protesters confront French FM in Gaza...say they are tired of hearing "Hava Nagila".
Snowy Commute
Northeast is waking up to snowy morning commute for the first time since...yesterday morning, actually.
500 New Jobs for Callers!
Call center to hire 500! Ask employees to talk with Indian accent until Americans can get used to talking to Americans once again.
Rubbing Their Nose in It?
Proposal suggests reducing drug penalties. "Instead of same arrests for meth, etc. It will be more economical to give them enough to drop out of the living population.
Obama Names Economic Successes
Obama seeks to highlight economic successes. "Number one, we have brought down the prices of houses. Number two...we have brought down the price of houses. Your turn Joe."
Venus Withdraws
Venus Williams early injury pullout from 3rd round. Banana peeling-throwing fan banned for life.
Modern Memorabilia
William and Kate memorabilia with a twist as figurine shows couple surrounded by vampires, werewolves and zombies.
How Soon We Forget
Bin Laden says France will pay for Afghan policy. Many asking, who or what is a bin Laden?
TheSpoof Brings Down Another One!
UK leader's top aide resigns in tabloid and TheSpoof reported scandal!
Nothing Else to Do Right Now
Iran and 6 powers begin nuke talks, getting that stupid "worm" out of their weapon launching systems.
Tunisians Demand Freedom
Tunisians mourn slain protesters, demand freedom...like they used to have in the United States.
Gifts Are Fine, But...
Foreign officials shower Obamas with gifts. "What we really need is forgiveness of our national debt", he tells them.
Traced Them with Sound Equipment
SKorea storms ship to rescue crew from pirates, right in the middle of their tenth repetition of "Yo-ho-ho"!
Just Not There #2
Obama seeks to highlight economic successes, but that 13-14 Trillion Dollar Debt keeps getting in the way.
They're Just Not There
Obama seeks to highlight economic successes, just as soon as he can find one.
Bison Migrating
Spared slaughter, some bison migrate into Montana, but totally avoid Cheney's Wyoming, Palin's Alaska.
Jake & Elwood Specials
15 best Chicago coffee shops? Number one again this year is "The Brews Brothers"!
Good Old Joe President
AP-GfK Poll: Obama popular personally but ranks very low on accomplishments.
Mafia Arrests Continue
127 charged in New York Mafia crackdown. Next they plan to go after 350 more in New Jersey, then Washington DC.
Wenger buys Scunthorpe
Arsenals plans to buy Scunthorpe stopped when new name of team revealed using first 4 letters of Arsenal and 2nd to 5th letters of Scunthorpe..."Eez zis a problem?" said Wenger
Escaped Pigs On The Loose In Southampton
Last seen on M27, with sign reading: "Get us out of here PLEASE! Take us to Pompey!"
Liam Gallagher Vow Shocker
Music news just in,ex-Oasis front man Liam Gallagher has vowed to fans he will write a song that DOESN'T sound like The Beatles before he dies.He said to reporters this morning 'I'm working on it!'
Still ,It Was Original
Judges say that one reason that Miss Tennessee didn't win the Miss America contest was because during the talent contest, the Miss America usually played the ventriloquist, not the dummy.
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