Spoof news snippets from Friday 25 February 2011
Thief steals vintage "Polaroid" camera, story still developing..
Update: We are still not getting a clear picture of this story, details still emerging..
Tories Reach For The Stars!
David Cameron is to join the Federation of Planets who endorse his Big Society ideology. A self confessed Trekkie he has secured rights for the movie spin off and will pocket what = bankers bonuses!
Fast Food My Arse
It's official, there is no such thing as Fast Food.It takes ages doesn't it?
JK Rowling Wins Enid Blyton Award
Harry Potter inventor J K Rowling has scooped the prestigious 'Enid Blyton' Writers Award which is ironic because she's pinched all Enid's ideas.(Allegedly)
Stephen Fries
Wordy celebrity Stephen Fry was voted off a special Children In Need edition of Masterchef when his Deep Fried Sugar Puff Delight exploded in Greg's face.
'I do like me Puds though' said Greg.
Gadaffi Ducks
That International nasty piece of work Colonel Gadaffi has caused havoc by doing a runner to Wigan in Lancashire.No-one knows his whereabouts,but he loves Kebab shops.
'We'll find him,' said a man.
Horny African elephant attempts to rape a VW passat!
Horrified Safari tourists stuck in a VW Passat watched as a raging bull elephant tried to rape the vehicle, luckily the exhaust pipe was too thin and hot, OUCH! He was only "tusking" around!
Man Breaks World Record
"I'm terribly sorry. I'll buy you a new one", he sighed.
Complaints over Boil-in-the-Bag Rice
"Mine contained no boils at all", moaned an angry consumer.
Goats' Cheese Tastes Terrible
The goat in question returned to the supermarket and made a complaint.
Eat Less
The Government is urging people to eat less and join the shrinking economy.
Gladfly Upset
Libyan Queen Cleo Gladfly has been upset by the nasty remarks made by David Cameron when she was ticked off for overspending on her account.
Always read the label!
A giggling William Hague said yesterday that crates of so-called chemicals of mass destruction Gaddafi purchased from Britain last year are actually chemicals of MOSS destruction intended for lawns.
Four Americans Executed By Pirates, Obama Vows To Fight Piracy
After the deaths of 4 Americans, Obama vows to fight piracy with tougher copyright enforcement. Questions about what this has to do with the killings by Somali Pirates were answered with blank stares.
Artist Builds Rainbow-Making Machine
An artist and assistant professor at Virginia Commonwealth University, has created a machine to create rainbows. Why is this in the news? Most kids do this with a garden hose during the summmer.
Pixar to sue reality
Pixar intends to sue reality for breach of copyright. The studio claims real-life has contravened copyright laws by occurring in 3D, which it maintains it invented for "Toy Story" in 1995.