Spoof news snippets from Wednesday 23 February 2011
Democrats Hope To Accomplish Something By Running Away
Once again leave it up to their constituents to do their dirty work for them.
Russia Is to Classify Beer As Water
The Russians have officially classified beer as alcohol with the exception that American beer still tastes like water.
Is It Any Wonder Children Are Fat?
Scientists report that breastfeeding mothers can influence what children eat, by what they eat at the time. What do they eat? Pizzas, doughnuts, chocolate biscuits and anything which ends with "do you want fries with that?"
Biggins Goes Commando
In what must have looked like something out of a cheap porn film but also incredibly brave,Chris Biggins was spotted 'commando' style in a pair of White Linen slacks!
'It was graphic' said a man.
In Strongest Move Yet, Obama Unfriends Gadhafi on Facebook
WASHINGTON D.C. - In a move sure to anger Gadhafi, U.S. President Barack Obama has deleted the Libyan dictator from his Facebook friends list.
Turn Around is Fair Play
When Democrats controlled the US Congress any legislation the president wanted was rammed through. Now 26 states are controlled by Republicans, state Democratic legislators run and hide on issues!
Debtors Prison
The Barack Obama Debtor's prison and workhouse will open in Washington DC next month. Unfortunately, there will be no green jobs, as the USA is out of the "green stuff!"
Bring Them Back Alive
The Republican governor of the State of Wisconsin has ordered state troopers to use TASERs on the missing Democratic state representatives when found, as they are needed alive!
Double Jeopardy
A: President Obama. Q: Democratic left liberal who preaches energy independence, then restricts US domestic off-shore oil drilling in favor of buying overseas oil from unfriendly/unstable countries?
New Congressional Democratic Mantra
Jobs, Jobs, Jobs, Jobs, and Jobs which translates to spend, spend, spend, spend and spend. Where have you been the last two years House Minority Leader Pelosi?
When Silence is not Golden
US foreign policy: Czech Republic & Poland ABM - reneged, 2009 Iran uprising - silence, Egyptian uprising - pussy-footing, Bahrain - ignored & Libya uprising - pontificating!
Late Breaking News
Ken and Barbie are getting back together, President Obama and Republicans agree on a $1.2 trillion budget and Iranian President Ahmadinejad comes out of the closet!
Royal Wedding Invitation
President Obama and the first lady have been invited to attend the royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton at Westminster Abbey, London UK on Sunday April 31, 2011!
President Obama's Folk Song
"Your money is my money" for me to continue overspending on high speed trains and broadband Internet service, but not address any entitlement reforms!
Nanny State
First lady says "kids who are breast-fed longer have a lower tendency to be obese." IRS policy offers a tax deduction for breast pumping medical equipment and 150 million American men plan to apply!
First Sensible EPA Regulation
EPA to regulate the amount of overregulation proposed by the Obama administration!
EPA Knows a Lot about this Stuff
American farmers respond to proposed regulations for spreading manure. 50,000 farmers are transporting 10,000 tons of cow and horse manure, to be deposited in the Washington DC offices of the EPA!
More About TV Commercials
US Department of Labor reclassifies actors in TV advertisements/commercials as prostitutes. The rationale is that these people are selling their bodies under false pretenses!
Protest in Washington DC
130 million Americans are planning to rally in Lafayette Park, across from the White House, to peacefully ask President Obama to step down in favor of someone who knows what he/she is doing!
White House Awards Ceremony
President Obama presented the Medal of Regulatory Obstructionist Nonsense (MORON) award to the cabinet secretaries of EPA, USDOT, USDA, HSS, DOE, DOI and Homeland Security!
Poor Babies
The Democratic organization, Asses for Obama (AFO) has been dispatched to the State of Wisconsin to pretend they are underpaid union teachers!
Comments on Retirement
As young adults we were told, Social Security would not be there for us. So we invested in the stock market, only to find that President Obama has figured out how to screw up the USA private sector!
Employment Opportunity
Do you have an IQ of less than a summer squash? You may qualify to be a ridiculous regulation writer at the EPA. No experience necessary, EPA will train you in compiling meaningless drivel!
DOJ to take on the EPA
EPA announces Americans will require permits to take a whiz, no exceptions! President Obama asks the US Department of Justice to look into this regulation!
Balancing Act
Corporate executive sent to prison for using money from one client's account to balance the account of another client. Then how come some blue state governors get away with doing the same thing!
Now We Know
HHS study reveals that Democratic President Obama does not have a halo, an aura or radiate light beams!
Anything's Possible on a $3.7 Trillion Budget
EPA to ban eating cow pies in 2012. President Obama asks Congress for 10,000 new cow pie inspectors!
Liberal Sacred Cow
One of Pres. Obama's sacred cows, unions, needs cost cutting in Wisconsin to balance the state's budget. Obama knows nothing about balancing a budget or stopping spending, only about taxing the rich!
US Taxpayers Dream
Democratic House Minority Leader Pelosi was asked to help pay for President Obama's $3.7 trillion 2012 budget by using her own funds. She immediately identified $3 trillion in unnecessary spending!
OSHA to Regulate Proctology
OSHA wants to regulate the length of the fingers used by proctologists in performing rectal examinations. A leading proctologist told OSHA "to keep their noses out of our business!"
Tax the Rich
When income taxes on the rich start at $50,000, watch all of President Obama's Democratic liberal left supporters become Republicans!
No Big Deal
OSHA mandates women's breast sizes to be between 32D and 36D to avoid workplace accidents. HHS to pay for either augmentation or reduction surgery, as part of Obamacare!
IRS Sex Scandal
A number of the 50 IRS agents responsible for collecting new taxes from tanning salons are involved in sex scandals. The agents have been found in tanning beds with the owners!