Spoof news snippets from Thursday 17 February 2011
Guv Brings Out the Big Weapons
The Governor of Wisconsin threatens to call Brett Favre back to quarterback Green Bay unless union protesters leave.
Dems Run Away From Voting
Gov. Walker calls on Dems to return, vote. "Quit acting like a bunch of wimps, you bunch of wimps!"
Dems Escape to Illinois
Senate Democrats found-at a resort in Illinois. Guess who's paying the bill?
Cheeseheads Lead Wisconsin Protest
Security remains shaky in Egypt after revolt. Same for Cheeseheads in Wisconsin.
Workshy Turn To Crime?
Life on benefits is no longer an option': Biggest welfare shake-up in 60 years will end system that rewards the workshy: Cameron.
Big Alice Gang Taking Over
Scourge of the girl gangs: Teenagers led by "Big Alice" caught on CCTV as they attack shop's owner who had asked them to leave
Seinfeld's "Uncle" Dead at 88
Recurring 'Seinfeld' Guest Star Len Lesser Passes Away at 88. Nancy Pelosi blames the Bush Administration.
Hillary Pledges 150 Million
Hillary Clinton: US Pledges 150 Million For Egypt! Asks China to write them a check.
Obama Can't Make Budget Promises
Geithner: Obligations in President's Budget 'Unsustainable'. "Especially the part about the moon and stars
Quakes In Arkansas
Arkansas towns feel unexplained surge in earthquakes as over 10,000 cars fall off concrete blocks.
Huge Solar Flares!
Huge solar flare jams radio, satellite signals...Pelosi blames George Bush!
The No-Touchables
Social Security/Medicare/Medicaid: 57% of Budget, 0% Cuts. Sound you heard was dollar dropping!
2011: Year of the Protests
Protests swell to 25,000 people at Wis. Capitol as Democrats flee to Egypt.
Mubarak Failing Fast
Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak said today that he will stay in power for six more months. Doctors at his bedside say that yesterday he was apparently talking to King Tut.
PBS Gets Help
In order to help should all the funding from congress drop for PBS, the History Channel has donated over 20,000 hours of Hitler films to make up for the lost shows.
Bad Dog! Baaaad Dog!
"Kim Dog Il", North Korea's first entry ever at the Westminster dog show has failed to make the finals. Kim went back home today to meet his fate.
Reports Getting Weirder By The Month
Jobless claims rise 25,000 last week according to official reports, although the unemployment rate went down. Somebody's lying.
Machines Taking Over?
Machines beat us at our own game: What can we do? Nothing, according to sci-fi writer, Hal 9000.
Hackers Accused
US Treasury blames hackers for employees finding spit all over their computer keyboards.
US Unemployment Jumps
Unemployment benefits jump to 410,000, even though President Obama claims many new jobs being created. Must be for counting the unemployed.
Machines Taking Over
Machines beat us at our own game: What can we do? "You mean what can YOU do? Hee Hee Hee!
Big Solar Flare
Huge solar.......flare jams radio, satellite........signals: according to NA...SA!
Lied About WMD in Iraq
Iraqi defector admits lying about Weapons of Mass Destruction claims. Also, faked flood in Nashville after arriving here.
"Get Outa My Face!"
Wisconsin Senate to vote on anti-onion bill. Sorry, that should have been anti-union bill.
Anti-Protest Protest in Cairo
Anti-protest protest group demand that they be recognized as the official protest group in Cairo.
Uncle Leo Dead at 88
Seinfeld's Uncle Leo dies; also actor Len Lesser who was 88 year's old. Abe Vigoda says "I'll miss the kid."
Aretha On Diet
Aretha Franklin talks return to stage, diet change. "I do need to drop a pound or 200", she admits.
Protesters Continue Protests
Bahrain protest crackdown video Reuters. Protests in Bahrain
Related: Thousands of Yemenis protest nationwide, Bob Dylan songs from sixties being played in different languages.
Rainbow Drops Made From Real Rainbows
Those lovely sweets from our childhood, Rainbow Drops have been voted 'Best Value For Money Sweet Of the Year' for the 17th year running.It's official,they do last all day.
Mint Imperials-Humbug!
Mint Imperials are imposter sweets! They aren't even mint,just pure sugar.And Imperial? Regal and Magnificent?
I don't think so.Stick to the real deal with minty sweets and have a humbug.
Suck On A Fisherman's Friend
We all love to suck a Fisherman's Friend.Lancashire's most famous sweet is enjoying a comeback but did you know until 1937 when Health & Safety stepped in, they were actually made out of Fisherman!
One of Poland's Greatest Inventions
A group of Polish scientists have just invented the world's first invisible stealth bomber.
Paris Hilton Was Asked What Type of Music She Likes
She replied that she pretty much likes all kinds of music just as long as it has notes.
It's The Best Thing 'Since' Sliced Bread
Okay, so what's the best thing after sliced bread.
A Confused Overweight Woman Went To See Her Gynecologist
She was not sure if she should go on the Fat Chance Diet or the Slim Chance Diet.
Sticks and Stones Can Break Your Bones
But why would anyone even remotely think that words could break your bones?
These Are All Signs
Scientists connect global warming to extreme rain, riots in Egypt and Justin Bieber not winning a Grammy last Sunday night.