Spoof news snippets from Wednesday 16 February 2011
Here Boy!
Andy Warhol painting, "Portrait of my dog, Soupy" fetches over $17 million!
Thousands Rally in Madison!
Thousands rally in Madison, Wisconsin! This time it's not over Brett Favre!
We Now Receive Five Times More Information
It has been reported that we now receive five times as much information than we did in the 1980s. Most of this information comes from junk mail and is not retained in the brain for very long.
Possible Mexican Military Incursion On U.S. Soil...
"You put your right foot in across the border, then you take it back out. You do the Hokey Pokey & you shake it right out", says Captain Pedro Ruiz.
Jimmy Carter Reassures Everyone...That He's Nuts!
JIMMY CARTER: Muslim 'hood nothing 'to be afraid of'. "You ever watch that big lizard in Japan? Now THAT'S something to worry about."
Hamilton Accies Boss Raging
Hamilton's Billy Reid was fuming at the late cancellation of their game at Dundee United.
Not only was the team bus half way up the M80, but the Hamilton supporter was already at the ground.
It's The Newest Thing!
Bahrain protesters urge more pressure..more information on why they are rioting.
Protests In Libya
Anti-government protests spread to Libya. "Gaddafi is back there with earplugs hiding under empty oil barrel", reports personal guard.
Egypt Still Protesting: Too Many Camels!
Egypt's protests flare despite military warning. "we all went home after the celebration last week and then we thought, "Hey, we still don't have jobs, so we came back. We got nothing else to do."
UK Granny does it "doggy style" for real!
A UK granny who loves doing it "doggy" decided to do it for real and a passing rottweiler obliged! The film landed on U Tube and the happy pair have just been seperated with a bucket of cold water!
High-Speed Tail Rejected
Florida Gov. Scott says he's rejecting federal funding for high-speed tail from Tampa to Orlando! "That's disgusting", stated the Guv.
Brits not interested in Brit pop award show, is it a wonder?
TV viewings slumped at the Brit pop award show on ITV, but ITV have promised to "sex' the show up next year with Dame Vera Lynn doing a duet with Dame George Michael, what a show-stopper!
Soldiers to Sell Laptops
Up to 4,000,000 soldiers have put their laptops up for sale in case they get contacted by the Ministry of Defence telling them they have lost their jobs, it was disclosed today.
At Last, A New Envelope!
Oscar's winners' envelope made over with new look. "This should up our ratings", claims network exec.
Larry the Downing Street cat proves a huge success, destroys every mouse in the house.
We can't use any of the f***ing computers until we order some more, says an exasperated Cameron.
Bizarre Episode
Reporter's bizarre on-air episode raises question: Is this Bob Dylan's long lost lovechild?
Big Rise in Postal Complaints this week!
Many women complaining to Royal Mail saying they must have delivered to wrong addresses on Monday because they didn't receive important mail.
Food for thought!
Obama says the sudden appearance of whistling chickens on many Kentucky farms unlikely being caused by GM corn feed.
Prison governor says reports of O J Simpson being beaten up by a gang of skinheads was "greatly exaggerated".
In fact O J was given a dirty look by an ugly bloke with a tattoo.
Jewish football team suspended from league as half the players are "outed" as gentiles.
Players Mariusz Mielniczu, Javier Guevara, Ishi Yamamoto and Finbarr O'Lunacy weren't even circumcised, claims outraged Maccabi League chairman, David Woolf
O J Simpson beaten up in prison by skinheads, claims the Daily Mail in a story culled from the National Enquirer.
In the same issue: Michael Jackson found alive and well, working as a pole dancer in Atlantis.
Deerhound Wins Trophy
Scottish Deerhound is best in show at Westminster. Noses past Irish Setter, English Bulldog.
Former Leader Loses Immunity
Albanian ex-PM loses immunity, can be investigated, catch a bad cold.
Bob Dylan in Libya?
Anti-government protests spread to Libya. Either Moammar Gadhafi or twin, Bob Dylan, says that the whole thing is getting silly.
Protests Continue
Egypt protests continue despite leader leaving. "We're all hooked on it", says one. "We're inviting American Boomers from the Sixties!"
Gattuso Bangs Jordan
The bizarre behaviour of AC Milan's Gattuso continued after the game against Tottenham when he met Katie Price at a hotel and the two went at it like a pair of rabbits.
'I love Italians' she said.
A Growing Population!
The 'Big Society'.Yes, obesity is certainly 'widespread' in Great Britain.We all need to tighten our belts.
Cheryl Cole Still Has 'Her Ugly Days'
Speaking at The Brits Cheryl Cole admitted she doesn't always look so glamorous and still has 'ugly days.We all do,'she said.
Susan Boyle can't remember the last time she didn't have an ugly day!
Tinie Tempah Throws Tantrum
drama at The Brit Awards where 2 time winner Tinie Tempah,real name Dwight Cufflink,threw a hissy fit at not winning Plan B's award as well.'I should have won best solo artist too,I'm well better.'
Reminder about April Fools Day.
'The Spoof' is perhaps an appropriate place to remind everyone that as from this year April Fools Day is not
officially on the first day of April but on the first MONDAY of April.Don't Forget!
Baby Gorilla Takes Its First Steps
A baby gorilla born in London zoo has taken its first steps today. The steps were taken after a zookeeper who was cleaning the ceiling of the monkeyhouse went for a comfort break.
The Carrier Killer
US admiral: Carrier killer won't stop US Navy! "I don't care how big a Dong missile China can launch!"
Energy Drinks Can Be Harmful
Pediatrics report details risks from energy drinks. Energy drinks! Energy drinks! Skippedy flippedly doo! Love 'Em!!
Hannah On The Run?
Billy Ray Cyrus: Hannah Montana messed up our family. Now Miley's afraid to tell me where Hannah is hiding.
On-Air Bizarre Episode
Reporter's bizarre on-air episode raises questions. One of which: Has she been dating Charlie Sheen?
"Just A Thought!"
Conservative GOP could prompt some to skip Iowa. Palin wants to switch it to Alaska.
Protests Gaining Momentum
Bahrain square becomes new center for Arab anger..no, it's a square in Iran..Yemen...Hold on a minute....
GOP Mocks Obama
Republicans mock Obama budget. "Look at me! Look at me!", stated Rand Paul with his open hands beside his ears. "I'm the President. I won the Nobel Prize!"