Spoof news snippets from Tuesday 1 February 2011
Injury in Jury
A 92-year-old grandmother of 10 was injured today when a cat sat on the jury of which she was a member.
Three Blind Mice Flee from Court
Three Blind mice murdered in a court today when a cat who was sitting alongside the jury, jumped out of the box and did what any ordinary cat would. They could not see it coming!
US to welcome ex-dictators
Reports say that the USA is reopening Guantánamo Bay to keep all the ex-Arab dictators safe.
Egypt rich escape
It has been confirmed today that the Israelis have opened the Gaza tunnels, in order to let through fleeing Egyptian businessmen.
Mubarak's son enters British politics
Rumor has it that Gamal Mubarak, Son of dictator Hosni Mubarak and former heir apparent, who fled to London recently, has now been offered a job in the Conservative cabinet
Danes find Grendel
A long lost grave on the Danish coast has been identified as Grendel. The specimen was over seven feet tall. A spearpoint is lodged in the skull with archaic markings 'Beowolf'.
Torres In U-Turn Shocker
It's just emerged that during the exciting Transfer saga surrounding Fernando Torres' record move to Chelsea he did a U-Turn at a set of lights.
An eye-witness said 'it was a terrible manouevre!'
Mubarak pleads for just a little more time playing dictator
Citing his enjoyment at playing king of the sandbox, President Mubarak asks the Egyptian people if he can stay up and play for just a few more hours. He then promises to take his toys and go home.
Charlie Sheen's $30,000 check to a porn star surfaces
Guess he has to make it out to cash; who's going to cash a check made out to Yeasty McJunkgobbler?
Charlie Sheen To Star In "Two And A Half Men" Spinoff
"Two And A Half Times The Legal Limit" to premiere in September.
Response Time
President Barack Obama responded to the 2009 uprising in Iran by………..! Oops, President Barack Obama responded to the 2011 uprising in Egypt by………..!
No Comment
Keebler recalls 136,000 jumbo fudge sticks.
Who's in Charge?
Vice President Biden says President Hosni Mubarak of Egypt is not a dictator. President Obama superglues the VP's mouth closed, foot and all!
President Obama Could Create a Lose-Lose Situation
By not supporting the Egyptian protestors, any new democratic government won't be happy with the USA. A new non-democratic government won't like the USA anyway. Remember the Iranian protests of 2008.