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Top Slot

Britney Spears climbs past Gooogle co-founder Larry Page, tops list of most followed Gooogle users. Now in position number two, Page says he expects some great upskirt shots.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 02 December 2011
Rating:

Kill two birds' dreams with one stone

To break the cycle of poverty, Newt Gingrich wants to roll back child labor laws so poor kids can become janitors. Why not put them to work building that fence between the US and Mexico instead?

written by The San Francisco Onion, 02 December 2011
Rating:

Mitt Romney flip-flops again

Ann Romney, wife of the aspiring Republican candidate, says she's fed up with the noisy thong sandals her husband wears around the house after his morning shower.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 02 December 2011
Rating:

I'm Gaga for Rice Crispies

Lady Gaga bathes in milk and Cheerio's in her latest video. Steamy scene prompts Snapp, Krackle and Popp to contact Gaga hoping for roles in her next video.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 02 December 2011
Rating:

Nicki Minaj barbie doll no role model

It contains sensors and a tiny electronic chip - turn your radio up to "super bass," and the pink-haired, anatomically correct doll drops its panties and does a line of coke.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 02 December 2011
Rating:

A Change of Seasons

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. That's good news, say sources close to the hapless egg, because he had a really lousy summer.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 02 December 2011
Rating:

Jeremy Clarkson Quits Top Gear For New Job

'Bashar al-Assad has appointed me as advisor on internal affairs for the Syrian government,' he told reporters.

written by Swan Morrison, 02 December 2011
Rating:

Britney turns 30, reflects on good life

Britney Spears turns 30. When asked what her highlights were, she cited shaving her head, driving with her baby in her lap, kissing Madonna, wearing pink wigs, and partying with Paris all night.

written by Lyndon, 02 December 2011
Rating:

Slum Landlord Steals Simon Cowell's Trousers

"I managed to illegally house 2 families of Somali dissidents, a Polish brickie, a Pakistani dentist and his missus plus 3 Ukranian tarts in his trousers!" - Thanks Simon Cowell

written by Clive Danton, 02 December 2011
Rating:

Footballer's agents get £71.8m from the Premier League!

Paid so far this season:
Top payers

Man City £9.7m
Tottenham £7.6m
Liverpool £7m
Chelsea £6.5m
Newcastle £6.3m
Arsenal £4.6m
Man Utd £4.5m

What would kids like to be when they grow up nowadays?

written by Inchcock, 02 December 2011
Rating:

Santa Ana Winds really blow this year

Los Angeles man taken by surprise when a eucalyptus tree crashes through his living room ceiling is even more surprised to find his house in now in Pasadena.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 02 December 2011
Rating:

Occupation Claimed to be the oldest in history, still going strong in Africa!

The African Dung Beetles Occupation of Elephant Dung!

written by Inchcock, 02 December 2011
Rating:

Ant & Dec Admit To Being Twats

Dec wept openly last night as he confessed "It's true, we really are a pair of talentless, vacuous, grinning Geordie gobshites and I'm so very, very sorry!"

written by Clive Danton, 02 December 2011
Rating:

Rick Perry wants another chance

After poor debate performances send campaign into nose dive, Texas Governor Rick Perry suggests he might be able to answer questions better if they were presented in multiple choice form.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 02 December 2011
Rating:

Tiger Woods nearly back to his old self

At Sherwood Country Club, windblown Tiger Woods shoots 3-under 69 in Round 1. Invigorated, he reserves Sherwood Hotel room for 3-way hoping to get blown, 69-ed for "round two."

written by The San Francisco Onion, 02 December 2011
Rating:

Obama redirects $50 million to fight AIDS

This comes as a tremendous shock - no one even suspected that President Obama had AIDS.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 02 December 2011
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