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Dougie Poynter and Harry Judd to Make New Video

Since winning 2 rival TV shows, Dougie Poynter and Harry Judd of the band, McFly, are to release a new video and single called: "I'm a celebrity, strictly come and get me out of here dancing!"

written by IN SEINE, 17 December 2011
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NHS buy new emergency vehicles

The sharp increase predicted this Christmas in the consumption of Brussels Spouts has prompted the NHS to purchase special 'Flatulances' in which to speed victims of overindulgence to hospital.

written by Micflex, 17 December 2011
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Fish & Chips to be sold by weight

Ugly Conservative MPs to force in new law in a bid to stop girl assistants in Chippies giving good looking young men larger portions than they themselves are served.

written by Micflex, 17 December 2011
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Watch where you're putting that thing!

After she was the victim of an attempted sexual offense, a dyslexic woman explained to police that the perpetrator kept trying to get her into the "96" position.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 17 December 2011
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Christian Church Accused Of Hijacking Christmas For Religious Purposes

'We object to their blatant attempts to exploit Christmas in support of their religious beliefs,' said a retail industry spokesman. 'If this harms retail sales, we will pursue it through the courts.'

written by Swan Morrison, 17 December 2011
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UK Government Condemns Childish Retaliatory Comments By French About The British Economy

'We expect better of our partners and allies,' said a UK Government spokesman. 'Even those cheese-eating surrender monkeys.'

written by Swan Morrison, 17 December 2011
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Scientists Shocked

NASA scientists were shocked by what they saw while looking at the surface of Mars with the Hubble Space Telescope - a group of aliens mooning at them.

written by Darwin, 17 December 2011
Rating:

Cameron: We're getting it right!

2.8m Unemployed in the UK may not agree!
6,923,706 victims of crimes in the UK may not agree!
1,000's of NHS patients waiting for procedures may not
Struggling police and troops may not agree!

written by Inchcock, 17 December 2011
Rating:

Ron Paul attacks George Stephanopoulos

Not wanting to miss out on Republican attacks, Ron Paul lambasts the 5-foot 6-inch television journalist with a cane. Stephanopoulos isn't Republican - there just wasn't anyone smaller nearby.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 17 December 2011
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Newt Gingrich attacks Mitt Romney

Republican presidential hopeful Newt Gingrich waits for Romney outside a restroom, then wallops the Massachusetts governor over the head with a 22-inch largemouth bass.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 17 December 2011
Rating:

Michele Bachman attacks Newt Gingrich

Presidential hopeful Michele Bachman lost balance as Gingrich dodged the attack, but still managed to reduce one leg of the former House Speaker's trousers to shreds with her teeth before he fled.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 17 December 2011
Rating:

India Inhales Death

INDIA - In the wake of many deaths by methanol in India, the resurgence of aspartame inhalation is rampant.

According to our source, staff doctor, Dr. Whine Galena..

written by Aspartame Boy, 17 December 2011
Rating:

Katie Price Tit Explosion: rogue silicone to blame.

Katie Price suffered a horrific blow yesterday when her double G's blew up due to excessive heat at a christmas candlelight service in Brighton. A witness said: 'It was the Hindenburg all over again.'

written by shufflewick71, 17 December 2011
Rating:

The Queen: 'It's a Butlins piss up for us this Christmas.'

The press office have released details of the Royals Xmas plans this year. Sympathising with the recession hit public and enforced pay cuts, the Queen and family will spend Xmas in a Clacton chalet.

written by shufflewick71, 17 December 2011
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