Violent Vomiting Outbreak Hits US!
Government blames Bush and Tea Party for outbreak.
Victims shout, "It's the economy, Stupid" as savings evaporate
while Obama parties and vacations.
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written by
Morse, 09 August 2011
Oasis Bar and Grill Spared during London Fire Storm!
The iconic hangout for dissident writers was open for business after a night of riots leaving the rest of the street in ruins. Mgr. Wortham attributes good luck to Colonists..."they all had guns!"
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written by
Morse, 09 August 2011
One Good Thing!
An upbeat Nick Clegg appeared on TV today to announce that the riots are not all bad. "Thank God," he said," we finally got rid of the lay a bouts in Parliament Square, they were so scared they left!"
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written by
Morse, 09 August 2011
Cameron Considers calling up Military to Quell Riots in London!
When no one answers the phone, he is reluctantly informed that there are no more uniformed military in Britain, they were recently made redundant
during austerity cuts to maintain India aid.
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written by
Morse, 09 August 2011
Policing by Consent!
Home Secretary Theresa May appeals for calm, appearing before crowd wearing dreadlocks, and puffing on a bong! Crowd goes wild, burns Westminster Abbey to ground.
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written by
Morse, 09 August 2011
Bob Marley Honored in London!
Thousands of marchers hold silent vigilance holding candles and petro cans in London before saluting him by torching 1/2 the town and singing
"Baby,Light my fire!"
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written by
Morse, 09 August 2011
James Dyson Salutes Spoofer!
Thanks to a recent complimentary article on his vac, Billionaire Dyson sent Morse an autographed copy of the instruction manlual to replace the one that came with the machine in Polish!
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written by
Morse, 09 August 2011
Can I have a Mulligan on that?
In ironic turn about, fired Tiger Woods caddy collects $115,000 from Adam Scott blow out win. Tiger collects $58,500 for losing by 18 strokes!
Caddy also picks up 4 of Tiger's former sponsors!
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written by
Morse, 09 August 2011
Nazi Bastards!
Thieves in US steal man hole covers, AC units, strip power lines, brass number plates off residences. In a new low police report graves being dug up in Cleveland to remove gold teeth from the dead!
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written by
Morse, 09 August 2011
brits cancel 'friendly' football match due to lack of interest!
Fans say they'd rather kick the shit out of each other in London on new realtly show: London: Hot Summer Nights and chance to scorw new trainers or flat screen TV!
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written by
Morse, 09 August 2011
No Fruitcake. Please
It has been disclosed that before Prince William got married to Kate Middleton, he said that he did not want the traditional fruitcake at the wedding. Prince Charles said that he will go anyway.
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Good News for Husbands during This Economic Downturn
The economy has got so bad that wives are beginning to have sex with their husbands because they can no longer afford the batteries!
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Large Lady Appeals
A large lady from Lancaster was angry that someone stole her knickers from the washing line. However, she was even more annoyed that the thief also stole the 12 pegs that held her knickers on the line.
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Breaking News
Things are breaking all over England
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The Clash top UK charts whilst London's Burning!
The Clash decided to re-release their sublime hit "London's Burning" and it was Nr 1 in five minutes. Many rioters wanted the single, but couldn't find a shop to buy it, they'd burnt them all down!
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Rioters Blackberrys hacked
In news just in, rioters using Blackberry handheld devices have discovered that NOTW scribes have hacked into their voicemails and "wiped" their devices clean. Rioters are spewing and want them dead.
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Buck Pal centre of rioting
In breaking news, rioting has broken out within Buckingham Palace. Her Majesty has just sacked her head chef after a disasterous Fillet Mignon and servants have retaliated in support of the fellow.
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Maria Shriver Realizes That She Did Miss A Few Tell Tale Signs
Maria Shriver is now admitting that she should have realized something was going on between Arnold and Mildred when she caught the maid feeding him grapes...from her mouth.
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Reverend Al Sharpton Does Not Like Donald The Trumpster
Reverend Al Sharpton said that if his hair looked as feminine as Donald Trumps does he'd change his name to Abigail Sharpton and put on a dress.
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Dick "The WMD" Cheney Caught Hell From Simon Cowell
Dick Cheney says that he's The Simon Cowell of Politics. When Cowell heard that remark he asked, "Dick Cheney? Is he still walking around? I thought his lying ass would've been in prison by now."
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Does Anyone Want To Hire Glenn "Baby Teardrops" Beck?
Glenn Beck who got fired by The Fox Network has reportedly been turned down for a job as a WalMart greeter.
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If a man pats a woman's bottom he's just being friendly: Jeremy Irons
And if a Judge slaps a custodial sentence on ya she's just doing her job!
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Another Celebrity Show Has Just Been "Inked"
The Fox Network is planning on having a new celebrity reality show called, Okay So Which Celebrity Has The Most Butt Tattoos?
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Tim Pawlenty The Man Who Doesn't Need A Heck Of A Lot of Room
Tim Pawlenty says that if he is elected president the first thing he will do to save the American taxpayers some money is to sell the White House and to move into a Double Wide Trailer.
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The Funny Lady Has A Lot Of Plastic In Her Body
Joan Rivers recently said that if plastic was gold her body would be worth about $3 million.
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Mrs. Brady Is That You???
After admitting that she went to bed with former NYC Mayor John Lindsay, Florence Henderson, the former Mrs. Brady of The Brady Bunch has signed to appear in the new sit-com The Brady Bitch.
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Ron Paul Says He Will Be Known As President Paul (P.P.)
Ron Paul says that when he is elected president he will be the first president to use the letter "P" alliteration (President Paul) since President Pierce back in the 1850s.
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Barbara Walters Had The Biggest Smile at LAX Airport
Barbara Walters says that she was so flattered at being patted down by a good-looking, young TSA agent that she tipped him $10.
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Simon "The Sultan of Sarcasm" Cowell's New Reality Show
Simon Cowell says that he is currently working on yet another singing reality show. This one is called F Factor and it will find the worst singer in America.
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Lindsay Lohan Talks Candidly About Her Ex-Belly Bumper
Lindsay Lohan says that the only time she ever misses her old girlfriend Samantha Ronson is when she has been drinking; which is roughly about 92 percent of the time.
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The US shakes its head at the S&P Downgrade
The White House now regrets not switching to the rechargeable AAA rating.
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