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United Airlines' revolutionary idea: free checked baggage for Miles members

United will offer their Mileage Plus members free checked baggage, in other words, the same shit that used to be free. Said little 2-year-old Seb Ott, "Me no remember time when didn't pay for bags."

written by Lyndon, 31 August 2011
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Mama Grizzly?

A real mama grizzly doesn't let her cub get pregnant.

written by K.C. Bell, 31 August 2011
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Scouts arrested

Three scouts were arrested today in Lytham St Annes selling brownies door to door. Apparently, the brownies parents complained.

written by IainB, 31 August 2011
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BNP Crossword

The BNP have produced their very own crossword in their latest newsletter. It only has white squares.

written by IainB, 31 August 2011
Rating:

Edible Houses To Go On Sale

Homeowners will soon be able to bite off more than they can chew when edible houses go on sale later this week. The buildings come in a variety of flavours, the most popular being salt and vinegar.

written by Darwin, 31 August 2011
Rating:

Gaddaffi on stage

Colonel Gaddaffi will appear in a production of "King Lear" at the Stratford Shakespeare Festival. Cast in the central role, Gaddaffi will carp and bluster his way through the Bard's famous play.

written by whatinthe world, 31 August 2011
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"Knee job" Hargreaves joins City and Utd fans have promised to give him a real "knee job!"

Crock, Owen Hargreaves, has joined Man city as the "crock of the flock" a similar role played by Ferdinand and Owen (not Owen)at Utd. Utd fans have promised to give Owen a real knee job, IRA style!

written by Jaggedone, 31 August 2011
Rating:

Michael Vick signed for $100 million, but can't use it to buy a dog

Even if you've tortured dogs, if you're able to throw with accuracy an oval-shaped ball to players moving about the field while others jump on you, you can become a millionaire! But no dogs allowed.

written by Lyndon, 31 August 2011
Rating:

Another Gem From The Geographical Mouth of Sarah Palin

Sarah "Snow Balls" Palin stated that she wishes that there was a way to somehow outsource hurricanes to Pakistan.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 31 August 2011
Rating:

Piers Morgan Says He Will Gladly Settle For Number Two

Piers Morgan said that as long as Ricky Gervais is in America he (Piers) will not be the most hated foreigner in the United States.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 31 August 2011
Rating:

Harold "Dumbass" Camping Needs To Go Away And Stay There

Harold Camping visited the flood water devastation in Vermont. He started saying, "I told you so," and within 15 seconds, 37 people jumped him and kicked his ass all the way to New Hampshire.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 31 August 2011
Rating:

Joan Rivers Keeps Looking More Space Alieny With Each New Botox Procedure

Walmart has taken every single one of its Joan Rivers Action Figure Dolls off the shelves due to the fact that they were literally scaring the hell out of little kids and old people.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 31 August 2011
Rating:

David Letterman Says Almost Nothing Scares Him

David Letterman said the rumor of him getting a sex-change operation to hide from the people that are after him is false. He saw a photo of himself as a girl and he was uglier than Ann Coulter.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 31 August 2011
Rating:

President Obama Says He Will Be Taking Another Vacation

President Obama says that since Hurricane Irene interrupted his vacation to Martha's Vineyard, he and his family will be taking a vacation in two weeks down to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 31 August 2011
Rating:

Nancy Pelosi Can't Stand Michele "Hair Spray" Bachmann

Nancy Pelosi says she is tired of getting confused with Michele Bachmann. She said that she (Nancy) has much prettier hair, she's a whole lot richer, and she doesn't smell like wet mulch.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 31 August 2011
Rating:

Charles "Fat Bro" Barkley Keeps Putting On The Tonnage

If former NBA basketball star Charles "Fat Bro" Barkley gets any fatter, he will be able to participate in next years Tournament of Roses Parade in Pasadena (as one of the floats).

written by Abel Rodriguez, 31 August 2011
Rating:

US Neo-Nazi Skinheads Re-Think Views

"If you think about it, a bunch of redneck, drunken hillbillies probably wouldn't have fit into Hitler's whole "Master Race" thing." says one. "He probably would've killed us and stuff, I guess."

written by padddy5, 31 August 2011
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