Vermont native claims he looks "really good" in airplane bathroom mirror
Harfold, Vermont, native John Kimball startled fellow passengers on a Southwest flight when he burst out of the bathroom after having spent 20 minutes in there and yelled, "Damn, I look really good!"
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written by
Lyndon, 27 August 2011
Bachmann Tells Those in 'Earthquake Irene's Path' to 'Stop, Drop, and Roll'
Michele Bachmann was apparently confused about recent events when she advised "people living on the West Coast" to "stop, drop, and roll away from Earthquake Irene."
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The Statue of Liberty Now Has A Frown
New York's earthquake wasn't too bad although the East River is now actually the West River.
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Joan Rivers Looks A Lot Better Since The Earthquake
Joan Rivers said that she wasn't too concerned about the recent New York earthquake and joyfully added that it did cause her inverted nipples to become uninverted.
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David Letterman - The Talk Show Host That Knows No Fear
David Letterman said that he is not afraid of the death threats. He did add that the bullet proof vest is uncomfortable and that the bullet proof boxer shorts itch like hell.
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Sarah Palin Shoots Off Her Mouth (Again!)
Sarah Palin was asked to comment on New York's earthquake. She laughed and replied that Wynonna Judd's burps are a lot stronger that that.
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Unions Pooh-Pooh President Obama and Democrats
AFL-CIO leaders badmouth the Tea Party movement but will set up a super PAC, mimicking Tea Party grassroots activities. Unlimited amounts of union member's money to be spent on political activity!
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Category 3 Ego Trip
EPA Secretary Lisa Jackson ordered Hurricane Irene to cease polluting the Atlantic Ocean in violation of the Clean Water Act. Irene has not returned phone calls!
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Nuts
Man arrested in San Francisco CA's Golden Gate Park for feeding squirrels bagels without cream cheese!
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Obama Administration Ruins another Industry
USDA limits starchy vegetables in subsidized school lunches to one cup per week. Idaho potato farmers plan to visit Washington DC and present the USDA Secretary with a gift of tar and feathers!
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But, it's Organic
Outbreak of Salmonella hits urban farmers who raise chickens and walk through chicken crap with open toed sandals. DUH, people left the farms to move to the city where there are zoning laws!
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New Approach to Stimulus Funding
FED Chairman Ben Bernanke indicates the FED will not print any more money. President Obama responds by raiding the first family's piggy banks to pay for any new stimulus spending!
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US Department of Justice to be Eliminated
EPA charges discrimination against Latino students where pesticides were used close to a school. Pres. Obama asks Congress for a Constitutional amendment to allow the EPA to take over the government!
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Outsourcing Non-Intellectual Property
TV commercial producers are hiring high school sophomores to write their ads. The dramatized product messages have become so sophomoric, inane and stupid anyway!
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Loons Abound in Washington DC
The Obama administration keeps giving the US economy the bird. Possibly this explains why the US Fish and Wildlife Service wants to protect the Grebe in Iowa, a non-threatened bird species!
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Priorities, What Priorities
California's Democratic legislature plans to extend the prohibition against using hand held cell phones to people riding bicycles. In other news the State of California declares bankruptcy!
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Illogical States Rights Ideology
Texas Republican Governor Perry supports NY State's right to sanction gay marriage, but would endorse a US Constitutional amendment banning gay marriage!
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Things Happen In Threes
LONE RANGER: You look pensive! TONTO: Indian legend predicts earth, water and fire catastrophes. Washington DC just had an earthquake and Hurricane Irene is coming. Watch out for meteorite next!
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Buy a Vibrator Joe
VP Biden calls for more stimulus spending. This message was smuggled out of China in a Fortune Cookie, as president Obama sent the VP to Beijing without radio, cell phone or twitter capabilities!
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Recognizing a Truly Democratic Libya
When Libya establishes diplomatic relations with Israel, then the Arab Spring will become a reality. Till then it's probably business as usual as to which new dictator runs the government!
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