Spoof news snippets from Monday 22 August 2011
Topless US women want equality and let them all hang out!
Womens topless day in the US caused a sensation because natural nipples are forbidden in public so they covered them over with plastic nipples, what a load of tits; the police that is!
Unseen Enemy?
Col Gaddafi has not been seen in public since May. This begs the question, where is he? Someone said that they have seen him in a chip shop in Milton Keynes only last week!
Bad Headline Number 86
WOMAN BITTEN BY SPIDER IN BATHING COSTUME!
Texas Ranchers and Farmers Are Looking For A Good Old-Fashioned Rain-Making Hurricane
The drought in Texas is getting so bad that catfish farms are having to outsource their catfish to Pakistan.
Michele Bachmann May Not Be Too Good At Math
Michele Bachmann is one of those people who hates to be outdone. When Sarah Palin said that she had 7,871 Facebook friends Bachmann immediately stated that she has over 83 million.
Arizona's Heat Wave Seems To Have Silenced Governor Jan Brewer
The heat wave in Arizona has been so bad that even Governor Jan Brewer has decided to stay indoors and refrain from making her half dozen or so daily insults.
The World's First Political Robot
Japanese scientists have just developed a robot that goes around insulting people. We already have one in the U.S. - it's name is Ann Coulter.
The Ever Wandering and Wondering Jerry Lewis
Jerry Lewis, 85, asked the producer of Dancing With The Stars to let him appear on the show. He was told they already have the fiery Maksim Chmerkovskiy, and one Bad Boy of The Ballroom is enough.
It Looks Like Chely Wright Just Doesn't "Keep Up"
Kim Kardashian was reportedly furious that country singer Chely Wright chose to get married on the same day as she did. When asked to comment Wright replied, "I've never heard of Kim Kardashian."
Michele Bachmann Says She Will Never Set Foot In San Fransissyco
Michele Bachmann was asked where in the world she gets her tremendous energy. She grinned and replied that she gets it from a daily dose of Flintstone vitamins and gay bashing.
Miley Cyrus Appears To Have Changed Her 'Evil 'Ways
Billy Ray Cyrus says he is so proud of his daughter Miley. He noted that he has not heard of her giving anyone a lap dance in the past seven days.
Mystery Solved
Scientists discover that President Obama's aura is due to his swallowing a flashlight at age seven!
That's Show Biz
A former Democratic Georgia politician has accused President Obama of having Michael Jackson assassinated so that the president would be the only song and dance man on television!
Obama Criticizes Republican Presidential Candidates
"All they want to do is create jobs, reduce unemployment, improve the economy, increase US energy production, decrease federal spending and balance the budget whereas I want to…………!"
Presidential Bus Trip Almost Cancelled
President Obama almost cancelled his excursion to see the real America. The EPA police stopped the bus on the Capitol beltway citing that the bus's Diesel exhaust emissions violated the Clean-Air Act!
Obama's Interested in Keeping His Job
Rep. Waters (D-CA) said we don't know what President Obama's strategy (Keynesian economic insanity) is, we don't know why on this trip he's not in the black community and he's hurting our people!
Dream On, Dream On
Pres. Obama has 14 million reasons (9.1% unemployment) to shorten his vacation & call Congress back into session to work on a realistic economic recovery/jobs plan including private sector concerns!
Warning Labels are Next
The FDA has warned that any contact with drug case trial lawyers can be hazardous to your health. The FDA also recommends that a proctologist be consulted immediately!
Toilet Seats Overpriced
The Obama administration is accused of overspending on toilet seats for the executive branch agencies. The White House Press Secretary said the seats were cheap, but the user's manual was expensive!
Can't Get Anything Right
PRESIDENT OBAMA: Joe I'm in deep yogurt over my head when it comes to the lackluster economy, unemployment, foreign policy, overspending and overregulation. VP BIDEN: Barack it's not yogurt!
Time for a Change
President Obama has become known as the regulation president. Everything he touches turns to ……….!
Cheeky Response
EPA suggests that toilet paper manufacturers put perfume in their product to comply with the Clean Air Act! Toilet paper manufacturers tell the EPA where they can put their suggestion!
Obama Send Money
Seattle WA Democratic officials are concerned about flooding due to climate change. The city's 100 year old wooden sea wall has been deteriorating for a long time due to lack of maintenance!
The Real McCoy
President Obama sent VP Biden to China to reassure the communist government that their loans to the US are safe. VP Biden plans to bring back lots of take-out Chinese food when he returns!
Grievous Omission
A new study indicates watching one hour of TV shortens a human life by 22 minutes. However, what was not reported was that watching one hour of PORN lengthens a human life by 22 minutes!
Job Creation Obama Style
President Obama's new job creation plan calls for expansion of the federal government's watcher to worker ratio from 10:1 to 20:1!
Must Have Been a Meteorite
History shows in 2012 when Republicans retained the House, captured the presidency & Senate that rabid environmentalists disappeared without a trace!
A City Run Amok
No ACLU when San Francisco CA bans toys in happy meals and tries to ban circumcision. The city shuts down underground cell phone service to stop protestors from disrupting the BART, the ACLU shows up!
Obama Explained
Prior to being a Senator and President, Mr. Obama was a community organizer used to sucking on the government's tatas when money was needed!
Product Testimonial
"For terrible allergies try Bill's Pills as I am now able to take my grandchildren to the zoo, city dump and city sewer plant, experiencing the full bouquet of delightful nasal sensations!"
Interesting Mideast Development
A Turkish warplane killed seven Iraqi civilians in an air strike in Iraq's northern Kurdish zone. Iraq has withdrawn its ambassador, asking Turkey to formally apologize on Israeli television!
Political Spelling Lesson Updated
A growing number of Democrats and Independents now firmly believe mOOrOOn is spelled with four Obama's, after getting a look at the president's leaked third attempt at stimulus spending !
Civil Rights Violation
ACLU sues restaurant on behalf of a vegan who claims her vegetable lasagna was not made with organically grown tomatoes! In other news, famine strikes Somalia.
Good News
Zsa Zsa Gabor is considering becoming a mother at 94 years of age. Wow, she will be a real old lady when the child goes off to college!
Quote of the Day
Republican strategist Ed Gillespie when asked about Obama's time off said he doesn't fault the president for taking a break. "Wrecking an economy as large as the United States is exhausting."
Technology Failure
A restroom electronic device that automatically puts a toilet seat up or down, dependent on the gender of an entering user, has failed qualification testing. It was totally confused by cross-dressers!
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