Bleedin' Royals!
If the Queen happens to suffer another nosebleed at her grandson's wedding on Friday royal doctors have advised her to tilt her head back so that her nose points towards the sky like it always does.
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The other wedding on Friday
Kate Tonbridge and William Halton are also getting married on Friday. "Nobody's going on about our big day are they?" asked Kate. "No, we're not important. I'm so mad at those two. We booked first."
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written by
IainB, 23 April 2011
BNP plan a parade on Friday
BNP leader Nick Griffin has said they will have a parade on Friday. "Well, loads of people have put Union Jacks out, so it would be a shame to waste them," said Griffin.
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written by
IainB, 23 April 2011
Alternate Vote help for stupid people
The Vote Yes campaign are promising to help flummoxed voters by installing an aide in every polling station, should they win. "We've started training them up now," said one campaigner.
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written by
IainB, 23 April 2011
Poor Grammar In Sign Gets Man Riled Up
BIRMINGHAM - Local man says that the Subway ad about 'Do the Math' is wrong. "It's do the mathS!" He complains about PCWorld too. "CDs and DVDs and TVs! Not "CD's"! Implies the store owned by Mr. CD."
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Dishing the Dirt on Wikileeks Founder
Julian Assgnage has had several Nocturnal E-missions
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Feline Discovery
Genealogists and zoologists from the Natural History Museum in London who have studied the behaviour of cats, believe that they have discovered the remains of the missing Lynx in a cave in Belgium.
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BBC Popularity Soars
… Ever since Ann Robinson has quit the weakest link. Apparently, she WAS the weakest link and the most hated woman on TV for several years in succession!
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Spoof Writer forced to eat own words
A spoof writer has been forced to eat his own words and choked. All the back-slapping from his mates saved him in the nick of time. He also coughed up some sugar cubes which he had been fed.
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Acerbic Ann Is Weakest Link
Ann Robinson is to quit the weakest link - "GOODBYE!!"
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Another New Disease Discovered
Medical researchers have discovered a new disease for which there are no symptoms. It is impossible to detect and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases of it have been found.
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How to get your Spanish hens to lay more eggs.
Sing, Ole Ole Ole Ole.....Ole Ole.
Might help Man. U score more goals too. Just a thought!'
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Grammar Alert!
It is improper grammar to say, "Boo Hoo". The proper usage is "Boo Whom". Whiners, please keep this in mind. Thank you.
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Honey Baked Ham
Honey Baked Ham - the finest quality bone-in ham, marinated, smoked and spiral sliced perfectly. Available online or in a store near you. Two for the price of one. Get yours whilst surprise lasts.
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Subliminal Language CDs Recalled
Sabe a Sueno, the learn Spanish while you sleep CD, is being recalled. Manufacturing defects have left scratches on the CDs that have resulted in many folks only learning how to stutter in Spanish.
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written by
Pariah, 23 April 2011
What Do Henry Kissinger and Sarah Palin Both Have In Command?
Henry Kissinger is calling for a ground invasion of the Soviet Union. Sarah Palin calls a news conference and states, "Well gosh darnit Hank, it's about friggin time!"
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Well Perhaps He Should Have Called Her A "Lesbianite" Instead
A stand up comedian in San Francisco has been fined for insulting a lesbian in the audience by calling her a lesbian!
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Brooklyn Bums Are Not To Be Messed With!
A rather large bum went off on three bag ladies in a Brooklyn alley after one ran over him with a shopping cart!
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Okay, Which Queen Is Which?
Kate Middleton's parents finally get to meet the queen as well as Elton John's significant other.
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Coalition Split over Nepotism
David Cameron's advocacy has annoyed the Tories LibDem Coalition partners. Vince Cable's job is going to Cameron's cousin in the near future.
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written by
j.w., 23 April 2011
The Queen Approves
The Queen has given her approval to Cameron's nepotism call. 'You sometimes have to give your relations a leg up' she said. Cameron has learnt that his son is to be a page at William's next marriage.
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written by
j.w., 23 April 2011
Kate & I
I got this message: Kate Middleton ring. So I did. She said she was busy dating someone next Friday but after that we could meet up for a chat to see if we suited each other.
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written by
j.w., 23 April 2011
Kate Middleton is 'In The Club'!
Kate Middleton joined a secret society during her education at St Andrews University - 'Skin and Bones'.
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Viagra Ad Gets In Trouble With The Church
The makers of Viagra have offended the church. In a recent advertisement, a Viagra spokesman, dressed as Jesus proclaimed "With a four hour erection, you may achieve your second cuming before I do."
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written by
Pariah, 23 April 2011
Indian Tribal Names To Be Researched
Anthropologists are currently undertaking a study to determine the origins of the names of various Native American tribes. Of greatest interest to some is the naming of the Kickapoo.
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written by
Pariah, 23 April 2011
Easter Bunny Visits Libyan War Zone
Here comes Peter Cottontail,
Hoppin' through the mine field.
Hippety, hoppety, BOOM!
....Easter may be delayed.
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written by
Pariah, 23 April 2011
Department of Homeland Security Revises Colored Terror Threat System
New terror threats are easier to remember: "Watch your Ass!" and "Cover your Ass!"
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