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Rating:

Exlax Announces New Slogan

Exlax, the world's leading laxative company has announced their new marketing campaign slogan, "Exlax: For people who just don't give a shit"

written by Pariah, 19 April 2011
Rating:

Cliff Richard Cleft In Twain By 12th Century Samurai Warrior

Heston Blumenthal and Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall are to be baked into a giant black ego pudding this summer, in Jamie Oliver's new TV show A Tosser Tosses Up Some Toss While Tossing Himself Off In A Street Somewhere.

written by Erskin Quint, 19 April 2011
Rating:

Heston Blumenthal Coats Himself In Aspic

For Cancerian masochists, a wine bottle in the rectum is favoured. Leo architects will meet an interesting stranger who will ruin their lives. Happily-married Arians will batter to death a girl guide in an inexplicable fit of rage.

written by Erskin Quint, 19 April 2011
Rating:

Eric Pickles Successfully Launched Into Orbit Around The Earth

Can't properly housetrain that mandrill? After a course of Spiffle!, he's sure to toe the line and do his business outside instead of in the Vicar's lap.

Spiffle! It's not piffle!

written by Erskin Quint, 19 April 2011
Rating:

Lemon Meringue Pie Is The New Mutton Broth

Gay? Unhappy? Scared to come out of the closet? Let Spiffle! take the strain. "I was an unsuccessful strangler", says Rod Drayne of Bicester. After a course of Spiffle!, I now run the BBC.

written by Erskin Quint, 19 April 2011
Rating:

Gardener Drowns In Wheelbarrow

Piscean ratcatchers will soil their underwear on a donkey. For Libran taxidermists, Thursday is a good day to stuff a lungfish or a rotarian. Sagittarians visiting Grimsby should avoid brutal anal sex with a chiropractor.

written by Erskin Quint, 19 April 2011
Rating:

Mugabe Wins The Pools

Don't suffer in silence! Spiffle will cure you of that Library Phobia. "I was afraid of waistcoats", says tailor Maurice Morris. "Spiffle! cured me of that. Now I stock nothing but antique waistcoats and cummerbunds. I'm bankrupt but happy."

written by Erskin Quint, 19 April 2011
Rating:

Bishop Sewn Inside A Belted Galloway Cow

A martyr to piles? Prone to delusions? Let Spiffle sort you out!

"I used to be terrorised by an imaginary gnu until my friend Agnes recommended Spiffle", says Minnie Cooper of Throsk. "Now the gnu is my pet!"

Spiffle! It's not piffle!

written by Erskin Quint, 19 April 2011
Rating:

Irony to the Extreme

'Iron man', as he has been dubbed, has now been identified smoothing out his smalls in the middle of the M1 motorway yesterday. Police will be pressing charges soon.

written by IN SEINE, 19 April 2011
Rating:

Third in Line to the Throne

In Seine found himself to be third in line to the throne as he queued for the toilets at the recent spoof writers conference.

written by IN SEINE, 19 April 2011
Rating:

The Three-Lettered Movies Are Sweeping The Box Office

The number one movie in the United States is Rio. The number three movie is Hop. Movie producers are frantically scrambling to retitled their movies, Huh, Yum, Wow, Hot, and Pia.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 19 April 2011
Rating:

What Is The Difference Between A Pancake And A Hotcake?

Vermont's Maple Syrup shortage has caused farmers to dump 200,000 pancakes into Lake Champlain.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 19 April 2011
Rating:

The Fine Print At The Bottom Said Concert Tour Tickets Are Non-Refundable

The world's first and only air musical instrument band, The Huff and Puff Puffy Cakes Band cancels it's scheduled 29-city tour after only 18 tickets are sold.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 19 April 2011
Rating:

It Appears That Delaware Has Just Said "No!"

Delaware is the first state in the nation to outlaw the widely spreading fad of X-Rated Adult Birthday Cakes.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 19 April 2011
Rating:

City Inhabitants

Many dwellers in large cities have a well below average IQ. They are said to be a dense population.

written by IN SEINE, 19 April 2011
Rating:

Charles Manson admits he's Marilyn Manson's dad?

In a rare interview Charles Manson has admitted that Marilyn Manson is his son, it happened during a visit from Marliyn Monroe?

written by Jaggedone, 19 April 2011
Rating:

Repeats

Anything on TV tonight? NO. Anything on Telly tomorrow? NO. What about the next day? Repeat NO.

written by j.w., 19 April 2011
Rating:

Houses not Selling

Just when our ghastly Tory neigbours were moving the housing market has fallen flat and they can't sell. That's what voting Tory causes.

written by j.w., 19 April 2011
Rating:

The Vice President Says He Has Never Ever Walked In His Sleep

Vice President Joe Biden has pointed out that he was not sleeping during President Obama's presidential address and that he was merely praying for peace in Libya, Egypt, and Detroit.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 19 April 2011
Rating:

The Ever Present Monica Lewinsky Gets To The Bottom Of The Story

Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky is coyly denying reports that she has the words: I Love BillyC.com tattooed on her ass.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 19 April 2011
Rating:

So What Exactly Is It That Is So Bad About Ann Coulter?

An adult sex toy shop in Ann Coulter's home town stated that in the past two years they have not sold one single Ann Coulter Inflatable Doll; even after reducing both dolls down from $25 to 15 cents.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 19 April 2011
Rating:

The Amish Leader Apparently Agrees With Sarah "The Geographical Whiz" Palin

An Amish elder living in Ohio, was recently asked who he would like to see as president in 2012. He tugged on his ZZ Top-Looking beard and replied, "Sarah Palin because she says the world is flat."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 19 April 2011
Rating:

Used Car Salesman Blocks the Road

Used car salesman Dave Cameron has blocked a major road from Britain to Europe. A car he sold to a gullible member of the public blew up and left a Brown smear on the road surface.

written by j.w., 19 April 2011
Rating:

Ad for Adders

A dearth of Adders in Britain has resulted in an ad campaign designed to add adders to the dwindling numbers.

written by j.w., 19 April 2011
Rating:

Putting your foot in your mouth

A man from Penzance has been admitted to an A & E Hospital unit after putting his foot in his mouth. He has realised his mistake - he should wash his feet sometimes.

written by j.w., 19 April 2011
Rating:

Bird Twits Too Much

A bird which has become obsessed with tweeting has been sent to an anti-addiction unit to try and stop the continual twits which are upsetting several Governments around the world.

written by j.w., 19 April 2011
Rating:

Missing Stork

A stalk, missing from Rio, is thought to have been carrying a baby.

written by j.w., 19 April 2011
Rating:

Half Baked Potato

A half baked potato has been sent for a medical assessment.

written by j.w., 19 April 2011
Rating:

Royal Takeover

The royal wedding approches; Kate and William are welcoming gifts. We sit wondering what we can gift them. The couple have voiced the smallest request; to be the royal leaders of the free world.

written by AndreaNadia, 19 April 2011
Rating:

Last one today for short snippet lovers.

LOL

written by Lady Godiva, 19 April 2011
Rating:

And another for Short Snippet lovers.

Why?

written by Lady Godiva, 19 April 2011
Rating:

Another for those who like short Snippets

Bye!

written by Lady Godiva, 19 April 2011
Rating:

For those who enjoy very short Snippets.

Hi!

written by Lady Godiva, 19 April 2011
Rating:

Sauce for the Goose and the Gander

President Obama & Michelle must undergo invasive pat downs, given by TSA screeners, whenever boarding AF-1. Congress & states pass/ratify a Constitutional amendment on behalf of US citizens who fly!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 19 April 2011
Rating:

Strange Happenings

LONE RANGER: Is man-made climate change real? TONTO: Something is causing human brain rot Kimosabe, as there are left wing loons protesting for the government to raise their taxes!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 19 April 2011
Rating:

It's about Time

States have found a unique method of quickly identifying drivers continually cited for speeding, changing lanes, causing accidents but are not directly involved. They get new license plates "ASSHOLE!"

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 19 April 2011
Rating:

Free Enterprise

Adult fast food cafe in San Francisco CA is miffed over not being able to give sex toys to their customers. The eatery now offers free lap dances (pink or blue) to make the diner's meals happy!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 19 April 2011
Rating:

More Tax Money for Research Needed

A left wing think tank study has correlated human female belly button lint with pregnancy. The group is asking House Minority Leader Pelosi (D-CA) for additional grant money!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 19 April 2011
Rating:

Possible Breaking News

Republican Party officials have announced that following successful elections in November 2012, they plan to place big spending Democratic far left liberals on the endangered species list (ESL)!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 19 April 2011
Rating:

Loonies at the UN

UN socialist nations want to give rabid environmental commissars dictatorial legal power to screw-up commerce, destroy industries & retard economic development, allowing singing of Kumbaya anytime!


written by Philbert of Macadamia, 19 April 2011
Rating:

California to Require Gay History Lessons

Lawsuits have been filed demanding equal lesson time on behalf of Americans of Black, Hispanic, Armenian, Irish, English, Polish, Russian, German, French, Asian, etal and all religious backgrounds!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 19 April 2011
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