Spoof news snippets from Wednesday 22 September 2010
Locust plague threatens Australia's Dame Kiri Te Kanawa
Sure is getting personal for the fabled mezzo-soprano!
World's largest mining group calls for massive kangaroo cull in Australia
Er, make that 'carbon tax'!
US scientist 'sold nuclear secrets' about Vuvuzela
Unfortunately the entire op bombed at the World Cup in South Africa.
Former Marxist gorilla may be Brazil's first woman president.
A but hairy, like, - the real pity's in the commie ideology though...
Nick Clegg: Britain to spend £500m to fight malaria
Hunkers down and writes a stonking great big cheque to Cheryl Cole!
Naomi Campbell: I was a doormat at war crimes trial
Everybody knows a blood diamond is a gal's best friend!
New 'iPhone app' to zap Jewish settlements in West Bank
International Space Station laser beam is trained on those pesky Palestinian bashers!
Benjamin Netanyahu pushes for referendum on kosher ice cream
Cheapskate imports rumored to be from cloned halal bovine mammaries - yuck!
Russia's witches and wizards face ad ban to protect Vlad The Impaler Putin
Fears they might hex his 2012 presidential chances!
David Irving claims Poland should be 'grateful' for his Nazi crap
The Holocaust denier says it helps Poland forget about its very own National Fascists Party (say no more...)
New fossil treasures discovered in California?
Nah, it's just Zsa Zsa Gabor and Nancy Reagan!
Australian beach bans umbrellas and digging holes
And no more burying used condoms in endangered rock pools either!
ran blames America as military parade bombs
Back to those dumb missals again!
Karzai takes manic depression pills says Woodward
Woodward takes cocaine, Karzai hit back!~
A garden fit for the Prince of Wales
Unexpected seizure strikes Charles as he talks to the rhododendrons again
Aggressive and timid drivers blamed over jams
Polite drivers always get away with honey!
Train company under fire over removing lavatories
Should have let the poor passengers finish doing their crap first...
Cyclists and motorists do not want to share hookers, report finds
Er, maybe that should read 'road'?
Scottish ministers given a year to snort university coke crisis
I blame the cuts says Glasgow crack dealer Hamish McSeptum!
Saunders family watched video of barrister being shot dead
Neighbors said tonight that's pushing a macabre taste in DVDs out a bit too far for their liking...
Jacques Chirac indicted for embezzlement
Bookies go even money a fatal coronary will halt the trial and elevate the old bastard to the Legion d'Honneur
British Isles 'worst place to live in Europe' says EU poll
Hell, at least we ain't got that wackjob Obama running things...
MI6 'used bodily fluids as invisible ink'
Unfortunately it took several years to find out the source of their supplies had actually been vasectomised many years previous!
Horny dinosaur discovered!
Scientists at the British Museum have called him Wayne Rooney.
Did Moses really part the Red Sea?
Kinda, but pre-global warming it was only ever a six inch puddle prone to drought...
Germany bonkers for British cheese!
Health ministry blames Mad Cow Disease for soured lactate...
Fallon named Tory Party deputy chairman
"WTF this mean?" says puzzled Frankie Dettori...
Russia rules out supplying missals to Iran
"Get your own goddam prayer books, heathen!" Putin tells startled Ahmadinejad
Beckham sues over NY prostitute claims
blames cheapskate Rooney-type copycat slappers for trying to cash in on the act.
Vince Cable says bankers are all 'spivs and gamblers'
...announces retirement as an MP and joins board of Goldman Sax!
Furious Obama 'wrote own Afghan exit strategy'
"God doesn't throw dice," Taleban elders have replied.
Spoof Writer Comments On Vajazzling
Skoob said - Looks very nice and all that, but it still smells like a shit-house door made out of fish boxes.
India cancel Commonwealth games, Rats & Cockroaches!
India has conceded defeat and cancelled the CW Games, but has come up with an alternative: Rat Races and the Cockroach C-Ol-Y-mpics. Participants are already training within the athletes complex!
Moses didn't part the waves in the Red Sea!
Millions of global believers in God and Moses (Jews too) are committing hari kari, scientists have proven it wasn't him who parted the waves it was the wind, their lives have been forever drowned !
F**king War of Words Breaks Out in God-Damned White House
A new book by legendary Washington Post reporter Bob Woodward paints Richard Holbrooke as "the most egotistical bastard I've ever met.", according to Vice President Joe Biden.
George Bush stars in next season of Glee
Apparently, producers were looking for someone who'd been out of touch with the world for the past ten years.
5 minute drugs test 'tells kids if their parents use cocaine'
Boot's the other foot as hundreds of youngsters drawn to high-tech blackmail!
Senate votes to replace "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."
New policy: "Shut Up, Who Cares?"
Bruno Mars arrested for cocaine possession.
Ironically, he was listening to Freddy Mercury while driving his Saturn.
James Carville on the Tea Party movement: "It's a movement all right."
"You know what I'm talking about."
Christine O'Donnell: "I dabbled into rational thought."
"Back in college...I had thoughts of expressing sexual desires, helping the less fortunate, that sort of thing. It's not for me."
Ben Bernanke at UFC 121
Bernanke: "I'm prepared to provide additional accommodation if necessary - whatever it takes. If it means putting a ground and pound attack on Brock Lesnar, hey, I'll do that too. He's got my belt."
Moyes develops new tactics following defeat to Brentford
"I think this proves that we need all the help we can get. I think I'll set up an 8-1-1 formation."
GPS sends citizen "out of this world".
A Redding resident has told of a strange experience when her in-vehicle GPS navigation system lead her to the planet Venus. "I couldn't believe it" she said "I ended up on this weird planet." Sure!!
Right-Winged Fairies
Senate Republicans blow it for gay soldiers hoping to see an end to "don't ask, don't tell" policy as Democrats fall 4 votes shy of 60 needed to break GOP filibuster. Filibusters are so gay.
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