Order by:
Rating:

Mexican Drug Cartels In Arizona!

Sheriff: 'Mexican drug cartels control parts of Arizona and the US Government is trying to put ME away!"

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

US To Help Afghan Bank?

Calls for USA to shore up Afghanistan Bank as withdrawals accelerate. What with, money we borrow from China?

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Kim Declares Day Of Mourning

Famed Tasmanian devil euthanized after tumor found. Kim in Korea declares national day of mourning.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Clinton Getting A Little Hot

Hopeful sign: More talks for Israel, Palestinians. Hillary: One longass story after another.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Dems Buck Tax Plan!

More Dems buck plan to let taxes increase for rich as many of them have now became rich also.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Hawking Tells Reporters To Bow Before Him!

God did not create the universe, says Stephen Hawking, "I did! As you can see, it took it's toll."

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Don't Know They're Fat?

Many Americans Don't Even Know They're Fat! Hearing it 50 times a day makes them tend to tune it out.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Earl Blowing & A-Going!

Hurricane Earl threatens East Coast by opening up a serious can of whupass on it!

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Health Department Coming?

Can home cooking be hazardous to your health? Only if the cook at your house feels unappreciated.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Headed For Alaska

Beck and Palin planning mysterious joint appearance on 9/11, disappear from public.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Arizona Sheriff Sued

Feds sue Arizona sheriff in civil rights probe. The harassment begins!

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Having Enough Money?

Will your money last throughout retirement? The good news: Yes it will. The bad news: You'll die at 68.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

"One Guy, One Flag, Now Look!"

'Don't tread on me' flags start disputes around the country. Authorities thank the press for scattering the news.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Hawking Prophesies

God did not create the universe, says Hawking. Hears Voice, "Enjoy your motor chair!"

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Earl Near Shore

Hurricane Earl threatens the East Coast with a good old fashioned ass-kicking.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Gorilla Kills Six At City Zoo.

Witnesses say he 'just went ape'.

written by Nick Hobbs, 02 September 2010
Rating:

KFC To Open New Grilled Beef Stores In Russia.

Locals not happy with prospect of KGB restaurants on every highstreet.

written by Nick Hobbs, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Local Vets Burns To The Ground.

Onlookers eat hotdogs while waiting for the fire department.

written by Nick Hobbs, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Road Line Painter Doesn't Know Which Way To Turn.

He says he's reached a cross-roads in his life.

written by Nick Hobbs, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Bad headline number 67:

Man shoots neighbour with machete

written by IN SEINE, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Sarah Palin's Daughter Sees Mother On TV

9-year-old Piper Palin recently saw her mother Sarah on television and asked excitedly, "Didn't that lady used to live with us?"

written by manbrad, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Proof: There Is A God

Writers of 'We Buy Any Car.com' advert struck by lightning!

written by Nick Hobbs, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Liam Feeling Better

Liam Hemsworth says he thinks he's over the Miley Cyrus thing now. "I've been resting up, taking vitamins and lots of oysters and ginseng pills. Gained five pounds back the past 2 weeks."

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Good News/Bad News

The bad news: In the future televised Miss America contests, she won't be wearing a swimsuit in the competition. The good news: She won't be wearing a swimsuit in the competition.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Worth A Shot!

A woman in Manchester was arrested after pushing Cat Stevens into a trash can and sitting on it until police arrived. She stated that she got the idea from watching the telly.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Cooler Weather On The Way

Although it was a very hot summer the vendors in NYC are getting ready for the cooler fall and winter. After Labor Day each year, they put some antifreeze in the hot weiner water!

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Guns and Roses get bottled in Dublin!

Guns and Roses were late for their gig in Dublin so the Irish crowd decided to keep up old Irish traditions and got pissed! When G & R arrived they were welcomed true Irish style, with empty bottles!

written by Jaggedone, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Bin Laden Captured

UN Forces in Afghanistan say they have captured a close kin of Osama Bin Laden. Wheelie Bin Laden discovered hiding in a a dumpster.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Made Too Close To Nuclear Plant?

Radioactive silly putty being recalled by China after reports by kids that their silly putty man ran the cat away.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Obama Speech #2

President Obama wants some democrats to lose in November, states insider. "He wants someone to blame this mess on."

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Obama Speech

President Obama apologized to Americans out of work in his thirty minute speech, especially those Democrats here on the hill, come November.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Stephen Hawking claims God spoke to him!

God has spoken to crippled scientist Stephen Hawking claiming he didn't create the world, at the time he was divorcing one of his numerous wives (angels) and fighting Satan, he had no time!

written by Jaggedone, 02 September 2010
Rating:

We're Still Learning!

The Existence of Giant Super Star Pimp Challenges Black Ho Theory!

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Latest Poll

In the latest polls GOP ahead in most but will probably not carry the Muslim vote.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

"She Didn't Burp The Lead!' "Did Too!"

Twelve killed and fifteen injured in "Tupperware Party Gone Bad!"

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Hamas: No Talks With Israelis

As Mideast summit starts, Hamas says Abbas has no right to negotiate on behalf of Palestinians. "We do that."

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Top Secret Missile

Iran Test-Fires Another 'Top Secret' Missile! So why do they always tell everybody about it?

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Blair On Princess Di!

EXCLUSIVE: Tony Blair on Princess Diana! "The wife wouldn't put up with it."

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Prof Ken Lucid - A Clarification

Ken Lucid's colleagues wish to dissociate themselves from his remarks about brewers in his book review of September 1. "We trust his comments will not affect our supply of Worthington White Shield."

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Police Raid Opposition Mag

Russian police raid opposition magazine...but in a democratic way!

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Moving Out Of Las Vegas!

Signs point to continuing Las Vegas exodus. Many families say they'll try their luck elsewhere.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

A Fee On More Than Your Share!

CANTOR: Beware Of Obama Tax Increases. "They will be called and disguised as something else!"

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

"See The Beautiful Contours!" "I Certainly Do!"

Auto sales: Worst August since 1983, but a lot fewer imports back then. Some dealers showcase use bikini clad salesgirls!

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Paris Pic Proves Phib!

Update: Paris Owns Purse That Appears Identical To One She Claimed Was Borrowed Night Of Cocaine Arrest! "But mine didn't have cocaine in it."

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Earl In A Spin

Weather Channel: Hurricane Earl will not directly hit North Carolina but dance his ass all the way up the coast!

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Tobey Maguire To Play Hamlet?

Tobey or not Tobey, that is the question.

written by Nick Hobbs, 02 September 2010
Rating:

A Long Time Ago, In A Galaxy Far, Far Away...

Is exactly where I'd like Katie Price and Alex Reid To be.

written by Nick Hobbs, 02 September 2010
Rating:

The 'Depressing' Is Here!

National Stay Home from Work Day Boycott Gaining Momentum as more and more people lose their jobs!

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Vuvuzelas Banned

Vuvuzelas banned from European soccer competition. Fans threaten to imitate noise themselves!

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Cheryl Cole Gets £1.50 For New L'Oreal Ads

Because she's worth it.

written by Nick Hobbs, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Two Arrested On Drug Charges

Rapper T.I., wife arrested on drug charges. Paris Hilton objects to being knock off top drug abuse news.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Shock: He's Leaving Friday!

Robinson Crusoe finally splits from life-partner.

written by Nick Hobbs, 02 September 2010
Rating:

FDA Looks To End Abuse

FDA looks to curb crawling abuse of cough medicine, vanilla extract.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Gets Rid Of Silly King In Ads!

Burger King agrees to $3.26B buyout by 3G Capital. Changes it's name to 'Badass Burgers'.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Clinton Get The Two Talking

Hillary Clinton has PLO, Israeli talking about problems. May earn Obama another Noble Peace Prize!

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

William Hague Likes Men.

But not in a gay way.

written by Nick Hobbs, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Still A Lot Of Loose Ends

Palestinian leader urges Israel to end settlements. Israeli asks for end to everyday rocket blasts from Hezbollah!

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Karzai Sound!

Gen. Petraeus calls relationship with Karzai sound as a fiddle!

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Beer Truck Wreck

Beer truck loses trailer on Hwy. 17, blocks lanes to Santa Cruz with trailer, over 100 helpers picking up, sampling beer!

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Obesity Epidemic

Americans blind to the obesity epidemic, to ever seeing their feet again.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Country Drowning In Debt!

How Barack Obama Became Mr. Unpopular! He seems to know how to campaign and how to vacation but otherwise, not much.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Should We Withdraw Now?

Bernanke: Shut down banks if they threaten system. A message of reassurance for all.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Clinton Intervenes

Secretary of State Clinton enters Mideast peace talks to put end to staring contest.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Northeastern Men Begin Packing Up Their Panties, in Anticipation of Hurricane Earl

NEW YORK, NY - There has been a run on department-stores' inventories of overnight bags as liberal Northeastern men began the arduous task of packing up their panties before Hurricane Earl strikes.

written by Moose, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Iraq war based on clerical error

Following the release of Tony Blair's memoirs, Professor Stephen Hawking has announced definitive proof that there doesn't have to be a God.

written by Trewley Lean, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Brown wears a frown.

Former PM Gordon Brown has driven a large Bedford truck into the Blair mansion in London, following Tony Blair's insultimg comments about him. Brown has promised to erase the Blairs from the planet.

written by whatinthe world, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Brown goes ballistic

Screaming obscenities such as "Papist prick" and "pillow biter" Gordon Brown has stormed the residence of Tony and Cherie Blair. The recently defeated former PM even managed to urinate on Blair's door

written by whatinthe world, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Brown stuffs up big time.

Gordon Brown, in a fit of pique, has kicked down the front door of Tony and Cherie Blair's expensive mansion and draggged the ex PM outside until he realised he called on the incorrect address.

written by whatinthe world, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Dems Fight For Office

Democrats fight to stay in office amid backlash, with several ready to handcuff themselves to their desks.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Rady For Earl?

Some dig in, others flee coast, still others hide under the front porch with hound dogs as Earl nears US

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Van Gogh, Then Picasso!

6-month restoration ends of Van Gogh's "Bedroom". Plan to go over Picasso's patio next!

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Van Gogh's Bedroom Restored

6-month restoration ends of Van Gogh's "Bedroom". Blue curtains were chosen. Painting will look nice there.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Gunfire Heard In Most Countries

Gunfire continues in Mozambique, over fifty other nations around the globe!

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Immigrants Now Declining

Number of illegal immigrants in US now declining. Can't get past drug lords ruling Northern Mexico.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Emergency At Any Time

Are you prepared for emergencies? Have a plane, just in case!

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Botox Pays Fine

Botox maker to pay $600M to resolve investigation. Adding $1 per Hollywood operation should over it.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Tea Party Rallies!

'Don't tread on me' flags start disputes around the country. Also, Paul Revere Type Rides warning: "The Socialists Are Coming!"

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Discovery Channel Devils!

Discovery Channel hostage-taker hated programming, especially "Deadly Catch" and those about ghost-hunting.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Hope For Talks To Help

Israelis, Palestinians resume direct talks, barbs, gestures and ridicule!

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Gates In Afghanistan

Gates in Afghanistan to meet with Karzai, Petraeus, bombings!

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Plus Their Parents

School teachers in charge? Why some schools are forgoing principals. "Kids run it anyway", say teachers.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Larry Admits He's A Little Fuzzy On Details

A god did not create the universe, says Hawking. "I asked Larry King."

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Japan Has Record Heat

Japan endures hottest summer on record although 1944-45 were pretty hot, they were the year around.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Chicago Police Chief Criticized #2

Chicago police chief criticized for 'gang summit'. President should get old friends together at a beer, bicycle chain conference.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Chicago Police Chief Criticized.

Chicago police chief criticized for 'gang summit'. Let the President settle things with his old friends.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Blair Informs Us All!

Tony Blair on Clinton, Bush and the American Character, Lady Di, Hedgehogs, Gumbys in charge in Britain & the US, in new book and personal appearances,

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Obama More Unpopular Everyday

How Barack Obama became Mr. unpopular? By sending the country toward Socialism!

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Discovery Channel hostage-taker #3

Discovery Channel hostage-taker hated programming, especially "Myth Busters". "Killed my dreams", he once told co-worker friend.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Hostage-Taker Hated Discovery Channel #2

Discovery Channel hostage-taker hated programming, especially "The Colony"!

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Hostage-Taker Hated Discovery Channel

Discovery Channel hostage-taker hated programming, especially "Shark Week!"

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Illegal Immigrant Numbers Down

Number of illegal immigrants in US now declining. Will decline even more once Obama makes then all legal.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Illegals Disappearing

Number of illegal immigrants in US now declining, especially in Arizona.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Botox Pays $600 Million

Botox maker to pay $600M to resolve investigation! "Check the 'Hollywood Petty Cash" drawer Jane!"

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Better Safe Than Sorry

Are you prepared for emergencies? Have a plan, just in case. A nuclear bomb could explode over YOUR head!

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Don't Tread On Me!

'Don't tread on me' flags start disputes around the country as they go up in every state protesting the programs of "King Obama".

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Mideast Talks #4

After first session between Israel, PLO, President Obama the only one talking the break with his shoes still on.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Pulled An Elvis On His TV At Home!

Discovery Channel hostage-taker hated programming..especially about worms becoming butterflies.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Mideast Talks #3

Israelis, Palestinians resume direct talks, actually through President Obama: "Tell that idiot over there..."

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Mideast Talks #2

Israelis, Palestinians resume direct talks, already mad after blaming each other over killer fart in the room, until Obama takes the blame.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Mideast Talks

Israelis, Palestinians resume direct talks but with their backs to each other.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Better Be Inside At Least

Some dig in, others flee coast as Earl nears US with a solid outer wall of picked up beer cans.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Poll: Nevadans prefer unprotected anal sex over Harry Reid

CARSON CITY, NV - A new Gallup poll says that more Nevadans would prefer unprotected anal-sex rather than have Harry Reid win another term as the State's senator.

written by Moose, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Stephen Hawking says God did not create the universe...

God wants Hawking to stay behind at the end, for detention.

written by matthatt, 02 September 2010
Rating:

California Senate Debate: Boxer KO's Fiorina

Carly Fiorina: School teachers should be paid based on performance.

Barbara Boxer: You got a $21 million severance package after being fired by HP for cutting 30,000 jobs and sending more overseas!

written by The San Francisco Onion, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Earthlike planet found

Analysis shows S & P index of object circling HD 10180 jumped 38% in the second quarter compared with last year, companies sit on record amounts of cash as life forms suffer exoplanetary recession.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Drilling to reach trapped Chilean miners begins after more than three weeks

At long last, drilling on a relief well began today as part of an effort to stop oil that's been pouring into the Gulf of Mex ... Oops, sorry. Just habit, I guess.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Through one bill, into another

Paris Hilton arrested after police allegedly discover 0.8 grams of cocaine in her purse. Only 0.8 grams?? They're lucky they didn't look up her nose!

written by The San Francisco Onion, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Wikileaks Founder Raped

He told them not to, but Swedish prosecutors put in a request to pursue rape charges against Wikileaks founder Julian Assange, then withdrew the request, put it back in, withdrew it, put it in ...

written by The San Francisco Onion, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Hurricane Austin Blows

Austin Nichols of One Tree Hill says, "Earl sounds like a guy drinking a beer on a porch. Hurricanes should have scary names." Nichols never met my neighbor: Earl Hussein bin Laden!

written by The San Francisco Onion, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Discovery Channel Hostage Crisis

Anti-population growth delusional protester holding hostages was slain by police, ending the crisis situation. Apparently, this is a pyrrhic victory as there is now one less person on the planet!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Green Loons in Charge

Federal government to reduce energy consumption by reducing computer based teleconferencing. Expect to see more government employees traveling to meetings via airplanes, automobiles and rental cars!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 September 2010
Rating:

President Obama's Mantra

Bad economy, blame Pres. Bush; bad energy policy, blame Pres. Bush; bad war in Iraq, blame Pres. Bush; bad tax cuts, blame Pres. Bush and bad war in Afghanistan, blame Pres. Obama!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Obama's Democratic Far Left Inexperience

The Democratic liberal far left rants against Wall Street, but they only produce Coo-Coo birds. It's the US corporations that will produce the next generation transportation, electronics & medicines!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Obama's Economic Democratic Far Left Ideology

"What! Change direction of my economic policy, that is not working & has never worked in the history of the republic. Let's just throw some more taxpayer money at the problem & see what happens."

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Stop Tinkering President Obama

Obama is turning his attention to the US economy now that combat troops are out of Iraq. All economists respond by saying "LET IT ALONE NO MORE NEW SPENDING," the economy will take care of itself!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 September 2010
Rating:

OSHA Proposed Marriage Regulation

For human safety purposes "Vagina Depth must be greater than Penis Length" otherwise no marriage license can be issued. Same sex unions are currently exempt, pending further research!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Federal Agencies Cooperate

The new OSHA marriage regulation "Vagina Depth must be greater than Penis Length" has been handed off to the EPA and the FDA for inspection and enforcement, respectively.


written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Barry Bonds Down In The Dumps

Barry Bonds, With Heavy Head, says he hasn't been the same since he and his wife split up!

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
Rating:

Long-Lasting

A new study found that heavy drinkers outlive non-drinkers, they also take an extra six hours to be cremated!

written by Bureau, 02 September 2010
« Aug 2010 September 2010 Oct 2010 »
Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun
 
1st
84
2nd
119
3rd
111
4th
116
5th
77
6th
112
7th
99
8th
119
9th
124
10th
129
11th
74
12th
79
13th
97
14th
101
15th
84
16th
86
17th
110
18th
24
19th
44
20th
12
21st
25
22nd
46
23rd
62
24th
33
25th
34
26th
5
27th
17
28th
25
29th
12
30th
18
 

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