Order by:
Rating:

Not Like 'The Honeymooners' At All!

In Texas, a UFO landed Monday in the middle of a Tea Party Rally and went high-pitched squealing back to the ship and were past Pluto in twenty seconds flat, say three different amateur astronomers.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

See Jackass #4

Brain surgeons in Minnesota have been accused of making a man on the operating table whinny like a horse and kick his heels and fart by touching a certain area of his brain with a scalpel.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

It's Almost Ready

American scientists say they are almost ready to offer a set of solar panels that will fit in any backyard and furnish enough energy for a tanning bed, provided there is enough sun hitting it.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Concern Over Obama

Some concern over the President out campaigning so hard after he tells aides, "There,that's all 60 states. We can rest a bit now. It's up to the pickle."

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Flub-A-Dub Gone!!

A new study shows that women who have gone out and purchased Levitra for their hubbies usually insist that they're still crazy about the old Flub-A-Dub!

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

McDonald Timing Bad

Mass exit from voting booths as someone yells that the McRib has returned!

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Doesn't Look Good

US Exit poll: Economy dominant issue for voters. Number two: impeaching the President.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Giuliani Celebrates Wedding Anniversary

Former New York City mayor Rudolph Giuliani to celebrate wedding anniversary this weekend, two more next month but he admits he's forgotten the other two.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

another big Shocker...

Americans are politically numb.
More news at eleven.
(MOTO Press International)

written by SpaceElevator, 02 November 2010
Rating:

"You Can't Sit Down!"

Cher gets so mad at Sarah Palin her ass melts into V-shape.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Pelosi At 8%!

POLL: Pelosi viewed favorably by 8% of independents. "Actually, I thought it was worse than that", says House Speaker.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

No Use Taking Chances

With so many terrorist bombings of late, the mayor of Bear Wallow, Kentucky has every car left on Main Street after 8PM blown to bits.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Not Him Again!!

Everybody in The Ass & Bonnet Pub gives out a sigh as "Are Ya Gonna Finish That Drink?" Elmore walks into the door.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

"Our Song's About A Gorilla?"

Contrary to tradition, Bob Dylan did not write Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands for wife, Sarah but for a low-land gorilla he once saw in Uganda that had sad eyes.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

He's A Ten-Ball Wizard

Ten-Ball Wizard who gets around in a wheelchair manages to have sex 12 times on wedding night.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

"How Can I Keep Acting Excited?"

International Falls, Mn, the coldest place in the US, to have mild winter as the Weather Channel asks the President for a bailout. "Not one single big hurricane hit in three years", cries Anchor.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Scientist discover balloonheaded dolphins, they're not, they're aliens!

Scientists have discovered a "balloonheaded" dolphin fossil, it's not it's an alien dolphin with it's space helmet on, stupid humans, clever dolphins!

written by Jaggedone, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Crazy French launch latest craze "Kiddie Kiting!"

The crazy French have launched the latest "high kick rage" Kiddie Kiting, kids jump out of the 6th floor, no strings or wings attached hoping their mums and dads are waiting below, OOPS! missed!

written by Jaggedone, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Eating For Two!

Mariah Carey talks pregnancy cravings. Gained thirty pounds already!

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Voters casting ballots!

Voters cast ballots!!! Control of Congress at stake!!! This happens every few years...so relax. Oh yeah, a lot of world leaders got bombs in the mail today.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Lohan Still Little Loopy

PETA is offering to pay Lindsay Lohan's rehab bill if she decides to become a vegan. She says she thinks she's been to Vegan already.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Sex Study By Wynne Parry

Oral Sex Leads to Intercourse Among Teens, Study By Wynne Parry Suggests. Also, intercourse could lead to pregnancy. But will do further studies.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Knew The Day Would Come!

Spam mailers regret that now every men has a ten inch penis!

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Yemeni Strikes Back!

Battling charges that the country is doing nothing to apprehend major terrorists, a top Yemeni official talks back. "You say that again & I'll blow you up!"

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Yoda Helps Young Lady

Girl, 13, who faced wheelchair due to curved spine learns to breakdance after taking up Yoda. I'm sorry, that should be "yogi".

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Big Fall In Royal Mail's Profits

"They've been delivering the cheques instead of opening them and keeping them," said unofficial watchdog spokesman.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Local man finds own arse

with both hands and Google maps.

written by matthatt, 02 November 2010
Rating:

British, French Share Nuke Secrets

Britain and France to share nuclear secrets as Cameron and Sarkozy sign historic 50-year military agreement. Celebrate over a blood pudding a la mode!

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Autistic Teen Treated Like Animal?

Autistic teenager, 18, given wire 'cage' by council to play in! PETA: So what's wrong with that?"

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Not Again!

Britain and France to share nuclear secrets as Cameron and Sarkozy sign historic 50-year military agreement. Heart attacks occur all over Britain!

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

MP's Knife Attacker Had Hit List

"Mainly sickly R&B stuff - no rock or metal or anything. Some hip-hop. Oh, and 'Grandad,' by Clive Dunn!" said police spokesman.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 02 November 2010
Rating:

It's Bombs Away

Bomb goes off at Swiss Embassy in Athens, no injuries, police blow up package bound for Chile embassy. UN may have to tackle al-Qaeda wherever.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Prez Treating Poor Badly!

REPORT: US to spend $200 million per day on Obama's Mumbai visit....but no social security raises in two years.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

They Can Spin Better Yarns

Publisher of NATIONAL ENQUIRER, STAR Plans to File Bankruptcy. Both magazines blame TheSpoof for taking away readership.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Judge Leans Toward Az. In Lawsuit

Judge skeptical of lawsuit against AZ immigration law. What is illegal is illegal!

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Cher & Palin Spar

CHER RIPS PALIN: 'A dumb woman is a dumb woman'. Palin: 'A plastic woman is a plastic whatever.'

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Hillary 9000 Miles Away From Election

HILLARY 9,000 MILES AWAY. "They didn't want me last time, let them see that they were wrong."

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Obama Backtracking On Comments

Obama backtracks on calling Americans 'enemies'. "I meant enemas! They use a lot of them."

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Low Number Of 18-22 Year-Olds To Vote

'Massive' Amount Of Political Calls Leads To Phone Outages. Many so mad they refuse to vote!

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Tiger Number Two!

Tiger sniffs out new territory as world number two. "He's a #2 alright", says former wife elin Nordegren.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Young Rocker Right On Target

13-year-old PLO teen Muhammed Mahat wins the top rock award in the Middle East!

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Dooie Brothers Still Rocking

The Doobie Brothers can still rock, smoke after over forty years!

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Peter Is Perfect Also

Caretakers say Peter the Octopus, brother of the late Paul, also has a perfect record. He hasn't got one right yet.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

You Made Up That Name

Russia's Khodorkovsky 'doesn't want to die in prison'. Taken outside and shot!

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Last Prediction by "Paul"!

This winter's gas bills could fall! Pigs definitely can fly!

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

What Have You Done?

Baby Dinosaur's Running Footprints Discovered Near Denver! Torch-bearing crowd demand to see DNA researchers!

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

UK, France Pool Defense!

UK, France to pool defense assets, share costs, but never to agree on food!

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Derailing Palin!

How to Derail Palin for 2012! Do it gently and slowly remove the tar and feathers.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Regular People Are Happy People

Americans speak on the economy: Focus on the 'regular people'. Others full of sh*t!

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Conflicted Emulsions?

2010: a campaign year driven by conflicted emulsions. Tasting like crap! I'm sorry, that should have been "emotions!"

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Beware! Beware!

Greek mail bombers target five embassies! Most contain explosives in small wooden horses!

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

GOP Riding The Wave?

How long can the GOP ride the independent wave? No one is sure. However, today the surf's up!

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

You Mean, Just For Food?

Schwarzenegger bans welfare cards at psychics, Bingo, drug lords on the border.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Out Before Dawn

Voters out before dawn for Election Day 2010. Heavy echo of "Brains!" mean the straight tickets are being pulled for who they were told.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Watch For These Signs #3

Early clues: What to watch in Tuesday's elections. For instance seeing one walking into other room with a gun in his hand.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Watch For These Signs #2

Early clues: What to watch in Tuesday's elections. For instance, seeing a candidate wearing sackcloth and ashes.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Watch For These Signs

Early clues: What to watch in Tuesday's elections. For instance, wailing and beating their breasts is a bad sign.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Threw A Horseshoe At Obama

Man charged with throwing horseshoe at President Obama says he meant it as a good luck gesture.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Tea Party Hopes To Go With GOP

Barbour: Tea party-backed winners to vote with GOP, as long as they pass our programs.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Dems Message Blurred?

Pa. Gov. Rendell: Democratic message was blurred. Dems say they were blurred because they were dodging shoes!

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Recruits Promoted

Gay military army sergeant promotes two new recruits to rank of Privates First Class.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Military Extends Policy

Appeals court extends life of gay military policy, especially for Privates & Privates First Class!

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Tired Of Mullet Jokes

UN investigator: Migrants suffer worst racism. NASCAR fans suffer the best.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

"I See You Coming Here Less!"

Schwarzenegger bans welfare cards at psychics who had already predicted that he would.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Anybody Feel A Draft?

Be fit, have fewer colds: study shows. Especially if the heavy clothes also fit.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

It's Historic Alright

Britain, France embark on historic defense pact. Germany, Italy may do the same.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Dems Take Defensive Position

Obama, Democrats fear rout as US polls open, wearing protective gear!

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Who Would Have Thought?

Winter's gas bills could fall if we have a really mild one, say weathermen.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Guv Bans Welfare Card Use

Schwarzenegger bans welfare cards at psychics, prostitutes and casinos.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Dragging The Line!

On Election Day, Democratic control, asses are on the line!

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Dolphin-Hunters Confronted By Activists

An unprecedented meeting between conservationists and leaders of the dolphin-hunting village depicted in the Oscar-winning film "The Cove" ended in bitter disagreement, which no one expected.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

$31,000 An Hour Job Offer

Take-out pizza chain hiring. Aged over 18, no experience required. Uniform provided. Salary: $31,000 an hour but no insurance!

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Hot Lava A Problem To Climbers

Indonesian volcano forces flight cancellations, mountain climbing expeditions!

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Looks Like Another Hostile Takeover

Armed men surround bank of Russian tycoon. Russian Tycoon Savings & Loan also surrounded.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Everything Hits Haiti?

Beleaguered Haiti braces for possible hurricane. Godzilla attack!

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Take Precautions

After mail bomb attempts, Homeland Security recommends running all Holiday gifts under the faucet before opening.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Dry Runs Are Rough

Officials suspect Sept. dry run for bomb plot. Since both failed, look out in December!

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Yemen Charges Former US Citizen

Yemen charges US-born radical cleric al-Awlaki, formerly know as Jake The Weasel of New Jersey.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Migrants Suffer Racism

UN investigator: Migrants suffer worst racism. Followed by racists.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Cal. Guv Bans #3

Schwarzenegger bans welfare cards at psychics, massage parlors and 'relief girls'.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Cal. Guv Bans #2

Schwarzenegger bans welfare cards at psychics, studying goat entrails.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Cal Guv Bans

Schwarzenegger bans welfare cards at psychics, wart healers!

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Lovato In Clinic

Disney's Lovato quits tour, enters treatment for fear of mice!

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Dems Last Hope

Democrats' Last Hope: Sarah Palin, enough names off of tombstones.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Yemen Charges Cleric

Yemen charges US-born radical cleric al-Awlaki, formerly Old Man Kelsey's Eldest at Bear Wallow, Ky.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

San Fran Can!

Giants give City by the Bay its long-awaited title other than "The Gay Capitol of the US".

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Radical Charged

Yemen charges US-born radical cleric al-Awlaki, formerly John Smith of Possum Holler, Arkansas.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Today's The Day #2

On Election Day, Democratic control, America's bankruptcy is on the line

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Today's The Day

On Election Day, President's butt, Democratic control is on the line.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Exercise 'Can Beat Common Cold.'

But it's still going to take drugs and rest for the aristocratic cold, say experts. Typical!

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 02 November 2010
Rating:

big Shocker...

Released Guantanamo prisoners now in Yemen might be attempting to retaliate against the U.S. (MOTO Press International)

written by SpaceElevator, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Break in at Connecticut Mausoleum Puzzles Police

According to police five urns were stolen and nothing else. Keith Richards who lives nearby isn't a suspect, though he did have a toke of his father's ashes some years ago

written by JAB, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Randy Quaid Seeks Asylum in Canada

According to Quaid, "Canada is the only safe place for me, they don't call their money the loonie for nothing, you know."

written by JAB, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Warning Label Needed

Texas inventor comes up with an anti-moron spray. EPA won't license the product without a warning label, as it would disable 50% of the Washington DC politicians and bureaucrats!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Early Voting Results?

During early voting, registered Democrats came out in a ratio of 3 to 2 compared to registered Republicans. However, how many Democrats voted Republican is still unknown!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 November 2010
Rating:

New Office Accommodations

Regardless of whether the Republicans take over the US House or not, Democrat liberal Nancy Pelosi will be getting a new office. The IL GOP Lincoln Society is donating President Lincoln's outhouse!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 November 2010
Rating:

New Poll Results for Pelosi

Whale s**t has a favorable/unfavorable rating of 50%/50%. House Speaker Pelosi's favorable/unfavorable rating among registered voters is 25%/75%. In other words Pelosi rates lower than whale s**t!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Mid-Term Election Strategy

Senate Majority Leader Reid has barricaded himself in a room at the Chicken Ranch Brothel, near Las Vegas NV. Harry is holding his breath, threatening to turn blue unless reelected to the Senate!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Scary Halloween Trick or Treat Prank

Teen agers arrested in Republican neighborhoods for causing paramedics to be summoned to revive fainting people. The kids were dressed as President Obama carrying "give me a second term" signs!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 November 2010
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