Order by:
Rating:

Gorilla Contradicts Stone!

Signing gorilla finally admits that he had a part of the Kennedy assassination, by throwing shit at those with cameras. Oliver Stone was wrong.

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

This Is Nobel Material

President Obama on saving money and trees. "If you're already getting a shower anyway, why waste toilet paper to wipe?"

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Fish Scare Themselves

A new study found that fish are scared of their own reflections, much like Amy Winehouse.

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Ben Ladin: Conditions Less Than Satisfactory

Osama Ben Ladin makes surprise visit to Gitmo. Gives the place the white glove inspection, shakes his head and is gone before anyone notified.

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

For Your Ears Only

An unknown source has told something really bad on someone who has asked not to be identified who is currently living at an undisclosed location. But keep it to yourself.

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Queen Resigns

Queen Elizabeth resigns to spend more time with some other family. "Fergy broke the camel's back", says one family member.

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

I'm Sorry, BeePee

Many parents now say there are sorry they named their kids "BeePee". Well, actually, just this writer."

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

BP Now To Introduce "Plan Z"

After exhausting all efforts to plug the Gulf Coast oil spill, BP's book of backup emergency protocol reads, "If plan Z fails, there are no more letters in the alphabet. Have fun."

written by Nik Voelz, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Dennis Hopper's Wife Says Actor "Not all that sick." Hopper's Corpse Begs To Differ..

Dennis Hopper's estranged wife filed documents last week, claiming the actor is not as infirmed as he claims. Hopper responded today by dying. Husband 1, Wife 0. Death was credited with an assist.

written by anthonyrosania, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Putin On The Ritz

Sarah Palin says that she is tired of Vladimir Putin walking around his house naked. "He knows I can see him from here. 'I' know that that thing he's wearing isn't real!"

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Goldbergs On Main Busted!

The FBI say that they have found bags of cocaine in some tuxedos. Will carry out a formal investigation.

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

"Oh, Mimi Here Is Pregnant , Will You Include That?"

This will be the first census to add in artificial life mates. Over 20,000 Reality Dolls have been counted so far.

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Any Barbed Wire?

German construction company hired to build the wall between the US and Mexico.

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Wal-Mart Cuts Prices

Wal-Mart is counting on $1 ketchup bottles, sub-$4 cases of Coke and wider aisles for big ass customers to get its low-price mojo back.

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Grim Warning Issued

Top Israeli scientist, Noah Scapeman, issues grim warning on Climate Change!

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

More Outlawed Songs #12

More songs have been outlawed on the Gulf Oil Coast beaches, including "Bridge Over Tar-Balled Water"

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

More Outlawed Songs #11

More songs have been outlawed on the Gulf Oil Coast beaches, including "Because Refine, I Walk The Grime"

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

More Outlawed Songs #10

More songs have been outlawed on the Gulf Oil Coast beaches, including "People Get Ready, There Are Tar Balls A-Comin'"

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

More Outlawed Songs #9

More songs have been outlawed on the Gulf Oil Coast beaches, including "Dipsticks In Love"

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

More Outlawed Songs #8

More songs have been outlawed on the Gulf Oil Coast beaches, including "Talking About My Oil Frustration"

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

More Outlawed Songs #7

More songs have been outlawed on the Gulf Oil Coast beaches, including "An Oil Change Is Gonna Come"

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

More Outlawed Songs #6

More songs have been outlawed on the Gulf Oil Coast beaches, including "Hey Crude!"

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Three Dangers

Chinese takeaways 'far more likely' to give you food poisoning than a kebab but bad blood pudding the worst.

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Landed Wrong

Training injury cost me chance of having baby, claims gymnast who busted his balls!

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

All Those Tire Marks Should Warn Them, Say Police

Britain's most lucrative speed that suddenly drops MPH limit to half, trap nails nearly 1,000 drivers in just 10 DAYS (bringing in £54,000).

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Had A Nip Before The Flight?

Passenger who woke to find herself alone on plane sues airline for false imprisonment, the heebie jeebies, snakes.

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Forgive Me, Saint Stool!

Drink-drive priest misses, mass after being locked up by police, confesses to toilet which he appeared to think was a saint.

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Trail Stopped

Murder trial almost collapses after juror 'passes her phone number to police officer'. Judge stops trial, confiscates telephone number, demands to see juror in his office.

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

More Outlawed Songs #5

More songs have been outlawed on the Gulf Oil Coast beaches, including "I See A Seashore & I Want It Painted Black!"

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

More Outlawed Songs #4

More songs have been outlawed on the Gulf Oil Coast beaches, including "Goodness Gracious Great Balls Of Tar!"

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

More Outlawed Songs #3

More songs have been outlawed on the Gulf Oil Coast beaches, including "Don't Be Crude".

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

More Outlawed Songs #2

More songs have been outlawed on the Gulf Oil Coast beaches, including all songs by "Derrick & The Dominoes"

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Local Dyslexic School Children Told To WANK to School

"I was surprised at the kids enthusiasm to obey the rules until I discovered the error", said their teacher.

written by Jesus Budda, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Local Dyslexic Goes Hill WANKING

"I was wondering why my gay neighbour was so eager to come along with me on the trip", said Jimmy Jimjam.

written by Jesus Budda, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Local Newspaper Covers Bent Copper

The small piece of copper piping was described as 'crooked', and was discovered beneath a tattered copy of yesterdays News of The World sports section pullout.

written by Jesus Budda, 29 May 2010
Rating:

More Outlawed Songs

More songs have been outlawed on the Gulf Oil Coast beaches, including "When You Fish Upon Some Tar!"

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Local Cows Say They Don't Mind Alien Abductions

"It's a lot of fun and gets us out of the fields for a while", they mooed.

written by Jesus Budda, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Fergie Seeking Funds

Shamed Fergie is seeking bigger divorce payout from Andrew. "If not, your royal drawers will be on eBay!"

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Lord Prezza Accepts Title

Lord Prezza gives up class war: But I'm only taking a peerage to turn Pauline into a an honest woman, I mean Lady, he says.

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Turns Down "Hair Of The Dog" For Hangover

Kitten survives wash and spin in a washing machine but does sudden flips at any time.

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Celtics Back In Finals

Celtics back in NBA finals for 3rd time in 2 seasons, says math graduate from U. of Louisville.

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Once There Were Twice As Many

Motorists warned to beware of moose on move as tens of millions of endangered listed animals move further north.

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Hanging In There

Man crosses English Channel with helium balloons, after high winds hits amusement park.

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

NY Beach Tops

NY's Southampton beach tops Dr. Beach's 10 best sans oil slicks.

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Violent Video A Learning Tool?

Violent video games touted as learning tool, especially for those who wish to grow up robbing banks and shooting policemen.

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Ancient 'Ardi' Not Related To Man?

Questions raised about 'Ardi' as man's ancestor. Larry King says that he only remembers an 'Andi' from that region.

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Not Man's Ancester?

Questions raised about 'Ardi' as man's ancestor as many argue that "Ardi" is a woman's name.

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

GPS System Lost?

Delta 4 rocket that blasted off on GPS mission not showing up on radar.

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Sea Otter Dies

Sea otter that survived '89 spill dies in Seattle of "Tar Ball Lung".

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Alaska Sues Feds

Alaska sues feds over predator control. Point out examples of babies and dingos in Australia.

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Obama Asks Americans To Celebrate

Obama asks Americans to observe Memorial Day. "Remember when we all had enough money to vacation in another country? Well, actually, we still do."

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

"Tar Balls!" Becoming Top Curse Words On The Gulf!

Tar balls and promises: Obama visits Gulf Coast between ninth and tenth hole on near-by golf course.

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

DOJ, Arizona Officials Meet

DOJ, Arizona officials meet over immigration law as Arizona asks to see DOJ birth certificates first.

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Not A Bad Idea

For vacationers, it's another scaled-back summer as many families exchange houses in different states for two weeks.

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Suicide Nutter

Hundreds without power in Jefferson County, Kentucky as squirrels declare jihad.

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Oakland Pot Tax

Oakland to license, tax indoor marijuana growers. All the other US states and cities: "You can do that?"

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Eubanks Has "Leno's Chin"

Bandleader Kevin Eubanks ends 18 years with Leno after finally catching "Leno's Chin" disease.

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Could Be Lawsuits Against Fla. Banks

3 Fla. banks, 1 each in Nev., Calif. shut down. California bank over finances, 3 in Florida over oil slicks causing customers to bust their asses.

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Alcohol Tag!

Lindsay Lohan wants a Chanel alcohol tag. She also wants a little nip between bracelet & tag.

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

The Oil Blob Of Horrors

22-mile oil plume under Gulf nears rich waters demands to be fed "or else"!

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Van Susteren #2

Fox host Van Susteren asks blog readers to gauge her, if she is smarter than a fifth grader.

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Van Susteren Tests

Fox host Van Susteren asks blog readers to gauge her, whether she "has enough smarts".

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

China Apologizes

China offers SKorea condolences for ship sinking. "Selling Kim weapons instead of leaded cartoon toys."

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Will 'Top Kill' Stop Leak Or Kill More Fish?

Americans wait to learn if top kill will stop oil although "Top Kill" isn't a very acceptable name at the present.

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Hole appears in Oxford Street

Police are looking into it.

written by The Medium Cheese, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Finally Boston in NBA Finals

Sports for Girls:
Boston won.

written by C. Cranium, 29 May 2010
Rating:

At Last Orlando Not in NBA Finals

Sports for girls:
Orlando out.

written by C. Cranium, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Wearing A Robe

Cher tells Entertainment Today that she is going to have to "drag my ass back to that cosmetic surgeon."

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Campy Crusader

Holy Toledo, Batman Camp closes just beyond Toledo city limits!

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Have To Make Do!

Mail order bride arrives at Alaskan outback in the wrong color, size and sex.

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

400 Years On The Job

Haitian Zombie celebrates 400 years at New England CPA Firm, Williams, Edwards & Brains!

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Costco Beer #31

Costco now brewing it's own beer. For great savings on a beer that's drinkable, try their new "Bass Pale Scale"

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Costco Beer #30

Costco now brewing it's own beer. For great savings on a beer that's drinkable, try their new "Milwaukee's Jest"

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Costco Beer #29

Costco now brewing it's own beer. For great savings on a beer that's drinkable, try their new "Goat 45"

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Costco Beer #28

Costco now brewing it's own beer. For great savings on a beer that's drinkable, try their new "Urkel's 92"

written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rating:

Rand Paul Asked if He's Ever Used KY-Jelly

His reply was "Sure, lots of times. Jelly from Kentucky, in my opinion, is some of the best dang jelly in the country."

written by Charpa93, 29 May 2010
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