Spoof news snippets from Sunday 2 May 2010
He's Still At It!
South Korean scientist now claims that he has cloned a cheeseburger.
BP Asks For Help
BP Company CEO asks President Obama to halt late-night crude jokes about company.
Inmate Escapes
Inmate makes gun out of soap, shoots his way out of insane asylum! Bang! Bang!
Kids Face Health Risks
Study: Kids Raised by Relatives Face Increased Health Risks, Especially If They Live In Leper Colony!
New Study On Voices
New study reveals that those with bass voices usually have the deepest conversations.
Yes, They're Legal
Alien Coneheads go undercover to expose latest KKK plans!
Yankovic #55
Weird Al Yankovic to do Knew Beatles Album including his new version of "The Tool On The Pill"
Yankovic #54
Weird Al Yankovic to do Knew Beatles Album including his new version of "She's Leaving Homer"
Yankovic #53
Weird Al Yankovic to do Knew Beatles Album including his new version of "Roll Over Beethovan/Get Bach Medley".
Yankovic #52
Weird Al Yankovic to do Knew Beatles Album including his new version of "He's A Woman!"
Yankovic #51
Weird Al Yankovic to do Knew Beatles Album including his new version of "The Pallet Of John & Yoko"
Oprah Responds
Oprah tells her studio audience that they should not believe any stories that Kirstie Alley has been telling about her. "I am not gay! That's just her Big Tail!"
McCain Has A Whopper
Cindy McCain tells reporters that her husband doe NOT use Viagra. Plus, he had nothing to do in North Vietnam prison but strengthen the length of his penis.
We In The South Are Agin Hit!
Tea Party protesters drop "No Health Reform" signs, grab "No Financial Reform" signs instead of having new ones made at The Reform School.
Members To Be Exposed?
Leader of Florida nudist colony urges members to be more transparent.
Old Nosty Did It Again!
Nostradamus predicted the large oil slick in the Gulf of Mexico "a oily bean shalt leap across the fountin o youth." on page 497 in a footnote.
Big Bad Wolf Terrorizes Neighbourhood
Has already blown down three pigs houses and was last seen heading towards Grandma's house licking his lips...
3 Local Blind Mice Assaulted by Farmers Wife
She cut of their tails with a carving life.
"Have you ever seen such a thing in your life as three blind mice", said an eyewitness.
Island in Trouble with Women's Groups
Feminists have demanded that the Isle of Man change its name to the 'Isle of Human'
Not By The Hair On My Chinney Chin Chin
Jay Leno turned 60 last week. He let his beard grow to celebrate and the two inch job reached his waist.
Grammer Police Dying Out
Grammer critics irritated by new teen twitter language and that nobody gves a sht.
Student "Guilty"
Student found guilty of hacking into Sarah Palin's e-mail, downloading old pin-up pics.
Don't Drink The Water
Passengers on a BA flight from Heathrow to the Cayman Islands were told not to drink for 2 hours because none of the plane's toilets were working. "That's a bunch of shit!", says passenger.
The Glass House Revolt!
Open season on Brown as heckler is thrown out of glass factory for shouting at beleaguered PM, throwing stones.
Smith, Clarke Kicked Out?
Labour big guns Jacqui Smith and Charles Clarke 'will lose their seats' say many who asked to help. "My toes are itching" a typical remark.
Australia's 40% Tax!
Australia looks at 40 percent tax on mining profit. 40% of mines say they may close.
Shanghai Expo
Shanghai Expo giant opportunity for big business in white slavery trade.
Dems Blunt Oil Spill Criticism
White House moves to blunt criticism on oil spill. "This actually began slow leak during Bush Administration."
Needed Some Cheering Up
Pope takes break from sex scandal, visits old Spanish Inquisition home place.
Obama Rushes To Help Turtles
Many endangered turtles, businesses, jobs, dying on Texas Gulf Coast.
What Next?
Meltdown, volcano: Weary Icelanders ask, what next? Then tell Al Gore that it was a philosophical question!
Yankovic #50
Weird Al Yankovic to do Knew Beatles Album including his new version of "It's Getting Wetter All The Time"
Yankovic #49
Weird Al Yankovic to do Knew Beatles Album including his new version of "If I Fell For You (Would You Help Me Get Back Up?)
Yankovic #48
Weird Al Yankovic to do Knew Beatles Album including his new version of "Honey Won't"
Yankovic #47
Weird Al Yankovic to do Knew Beatles Album including his new version of "Here Comes The Nun (Hide The Playboys).
Yankovic #46
Weird Al Yankovic to do Knew Beatles Album including his new version of "Get Beck"
Yankovic #45
Weird Al Yankovic to do Knew Beatles Album including his new version of "I Love Ewe, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah!"
Yankovic #44
Weird Al Yankovic to do Knew Beatles Album including his new version of "I'm A Pappy After Dance With You"
Yankovic #43
Weird Al Yankovic to do Knew Beatles Album including his new version of "Goosey In The Sky With Dildo"
Middle East Peace Symbol Launched
Israel's PM welcomes progress toward peace talks as symbolic dove released at Wailing Wall, then dies when hit by rock.
"Can't Sleep Here!"
Car bomb scares Times Square, but fails to explode. Line of winos two blocks long seen heading south side.
Spill Already Taking It's Toll
Tenth Greenpeace worker commits suicide as oil spill expands!
"Take My Health Care Plan...Please!"
Obama targets advisers, birthers, GOP, Gulf oil slick, 12% unemployment for laughs. Doesn't get many.
Big Traffic Jams
Traffic signals set to change as driver's honked awake.
Rosalynn Carter Writes Book
Rosalynn Carter pens new book about mental health. The title is said to be, "My Brother-In-Law, Billy"
Mosley Shadow Boxing?
In boxing, Mayweather dominates Mosley, stays unbeaten..even though he LOOKS like he's been beaten pretty bad.
News Kinda Slow This Morning
Obama takes direct aim at anti-government rhetoric, using pro government rhetoric......How about that Derby yesterday?
Pelosi Breaks Face While Laughing
Obama targets advisers, birthers, GOP, Pelosi's eyebrow location now two inches above her head, for laughs.
WalMart Suit
Women suing WalMart over lower pay could be largest suit ever. Price Rollbacks to roll back the other way.
Bush To Fly Over Gulf Coast With Obama?
Gulf Coast dreads oil spill's creep toward shores, leaving many to ask, "Where is Obama? Why did he not place giant windmills on the coast to send the slick south?" Actually, I'm the one who said it.
Mayor Bloomberg Right On Top Of Things
NYC mayor: Vehicle with car bomb contained explosive device. Pope is Catholic! Many stunned over news.
Times Square Scare
Car bomb scares Times Square, but fails to explode. "This place is a Time Bomb, ready to explode!", states the cliche police.
Green Is Good, Especially For Females!
Experts: Five minutes in the green can boost self esteem! So shed the clothes and frolic in the park!
Attention Canadians
Earthquake on New Madrid fault could bring oil spill off Gulf all the way to Canada should Mississippi flow backwards once again -FOX News
Is It Demi Moore or Demi Lovato?
Word coming out of Tinsel Town is that an angry Demi Moore is suing young teen star Demi Lovato for first name infringement.
Boy George's Brand New Gay Name
Boy George has just announced on the BBC in London that he is changing his name to the more politically correct Queer George.
Joan Rivers - 103-Years-Old And Still Bitchin'
Joan Rivers recently told Barbara Walters that she is extremely proud of the fact that altough she is 103, she does not look a day over 93.
Kathy Griffin Wanted Levi Johnston's Baby Bad
Kathy Griffin has revealed that she wanted to have Levi Johnston's baby so bad that she even offered to buy him a gold-plated hockey stick, a snowmobile, and 20 cases of his favorite beer.
Why The Hell Is Donald Trump Above The Law?
It is all being kept hush hush, but the word on the street is that Donald Trump's hairdo was condemned by The New York City Health Department but Trump pulled some strings and reversed the ruling.
Certainly Not Here!
King Abdullah bin Abdul Aziz Al Saud of Saudi Arabia says that bin Laden is not in Saudi Arabia. "He told me so himself only yesterday."
Another One's Gone
Another major newspaper goes under, according to this morning's Drudge Report.
Yankovic #42
Weird Al Yankovic to do Knew Beatles Album including his new version of "Nordegren Woods"(This Bird Has Flown)
Yankovic #41
Weird Al Yankovic to do Knew Beatles Album including his new version of "Piggyback Rider"
Yankovic #40
Weird Al Yankovic to do Knew Beatles Album including his new version of "Michelle, My Tail"
Yankovic #39
Weird Al Yankovic to do Knew Beatles Album including his new version of "It Won't Be Long" (The Viagra Song)
Yankovic #38
Weird Al Yankovic to do Knew Beatles Album including his new version of "B.S. I Love You".
Yankovic #37
Weird Al Yankovic to do Knew Beatles Album including his new version of "I'm Happy Just To Trade Pants With You"
Yankovic #36
Weird Al Yankovic to do Knew Beatles Album including his new version of "I've Just Seen A Fart"
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