Order by:
Rating:

Wasn't That On SNL?

US Senator Al Franken said today that a million people wearing false Groucho masks could soak up oil spill!

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Never Caught On

The last of three kid-themed Planet Peckerwood Restaurants closes in Florida.

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Nun Let Go!

Nun at convent in California let go after school learns that she had waterboarded seven students.

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

British TV presenter correctly pronounces Eyjafjallajökull

Naah, only kidding. And the Yanks can't say it either.

written by The Medium Cheese, 18 May 2010
Rating:

End Of EU?

France and Germany not agreeing on the bailout of Greece could split up the EU. Also, Belgians are beginning to waffle.

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Big Difference in Price

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are $1.50 and deer nuts are under a buck.

written by Spicewood, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Sausages are "killers" especially British ones!

Eating sausages kills and if you love British ones you're particularly at risk, good news for sausage suckers though, for "Blow Jobbers" no problem, a long hard suck and a quick swallow is healthy!

written by Jaggedone, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Man Get The Blues Too

New fathers get the baby blues also say doctors. "I look into her baby blues and see her nursing and I really get the blues", stated one horny new dad.

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Gores Issues Warning

Al Gore says melting polar ice could cause the Gulf of Mexico waters to rise as far inward as Fillupdelphia, Pa.

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Microsoft Updates

Microsoft gives Hottail a major makeover to rival others in the field.

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Another Gore Warning

Al Gore says melting polar ice could cause the Gulf of Mexico waters to rise as far inward as Port Worth, Texas!

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

80% Dead people say God is 'Nice'

The other 20% were undecided.

written by Jesus Budda, 18 May 2010
Rating:

6 out of 10 Bastards Aspire to be Pricks

The other four want to be cunts.

written by Jesus Budda, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Local Man Says Council are Just 'Pissing in the Wind'

Local man Barry Nubbins says he was driving past the council offices last week when he says the councillors urinating.

He described seeing 'back splash' as they were against the oncoming breeze.

written by Jesus Budda, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Black Men Banned From Local Pub

The father and brothers of Mrs. Janice Black have been banned from the local pub for causing mischief and stealing peanuts.

written by Jesus Budda, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Black Man With Small Dick

The Black man who we reported missing from the local hostel last week, has been found safe and well.
He was staying with local man Richard 'Small Dick' Dickinson at his house.

written by Jesus Budda, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Container Still Arguing

Pensioner, 95, threatened with legal action after putting butter tub in wrong recycling bag a collectors say it is "Parkay", not butter.

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Thought He Was That Ho! Ho! Ho! Guy

Internet date conman dubbed 'Shrek' (because of all the big green) is jailed after swindling more than £100,000 from lonely women.

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Burka Rage

Burka rage as female lawyer rips veil off Muslim woman in French clothes shop. Puts it back on. Loses her lunch.

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

The Emperor's Clothes

So who needs an armoured limo? Cameron strolls down Whitehall stark naked to take his seat in Parliament as PM.

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Manhood Screamholler Classic #15

New La Vitra Album by Manhood Screamholler out in July will include their version of old favorites such as "Chubby's In Love"

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Manhood Screamholler Classic #14

New La Vitra Album by Manhood Screamholler out in July will include their version of old favorites such as "Bone Daddy To The Rescue"

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Manhood Sceamholler Classic #13

New La Vitra Album by Manhood Screamholler out in July will include their version of old favorites such as "I Beg Your Hard On, I Never Promised You A Rose Tampon"

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Manhood Screamholler Classic #12

New La Vitra Album by Manhood Screamholler out in July will include their version of old favorites such as "You're Pushing Too Hard"

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

UK scientists prove that men are just a bunch of liars!

A scientific survey has proven that men are all just a bunch of lying bastards a fact that cheated on wives and innocent mums always knew!

written by Jaggedone, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Cheryl Cole's Naked Pix Stir Up Stirrings

Secret nude photographs that were recently taken of Cheryl Cole have just been named by Handshake Magazine as the year's "Top (Blank)abating Photos."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Britney Spears Tits Are To Be Tatted

Britney Spears said she's getting her left tit tattooed with the words "The Right One." And her right tit tattooed with the words, "The Left One." When asked why? She said to confuse the tit watchers.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Russell Brand's Vulgar Mouth Gets Him In Trouble Again!

Russell Brand said that when he remarked that he would like to kiss Queen Elizabeth's ass he meant it in a respectable way.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Keira Knightley Says Her Boobs Are So Small She Feels Like Taylor Swift

Keira Knightley says that she wishes she had tits like Pamela Anderson, except only not as old, flabby, or wrinkly.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Amy Winehouse and Her Very Talented Vagina

Amy Winehouse told her hair stylist that her vagina can make more of a variety of noises than any vagina in the entire United Kingdom.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Louisiana Restaurants No Longer Preparing Seafood Cajun-Style

Due to circumstances beyond their control, Louisiana Restaurants are currently preparing seafood one way only, "blackened."

written by Charpa93, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Massengill Desert Spring Cures Dry Crotches

New combination douche and personal lubrication product cures the dryest personal desert problem. If your cave produces nothing but dust, Desert Spring is the product for you.

written by P.M. Wortham, 18 May 2010
Rating:

"Cheese Away" Product Available for Men Who Don't Wash

For men who have difficulty understanding their nutsacks should not have "layers" of gummy material caked on them, Cheese Away dries out and flakes off weeks of accumulated ball cheese.

written by P.M. Wortham, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Herman Munster Loses Test Driver Job

Accidentally poking his flat topped melon through several convertable tops in the two-seater GM sports car line, test driver Munster was shown the door, though he dented the door frame too.

written by P.M. Wortham, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Harry Bawlsax Named Mayor of Smegma Falls

Fighting to keep the name of his city unchanged, Bawlsax won today's mayoral election and retained the name of odiferous town as Smegma Falls, Wyoming.

written by P.M. Wortham, 18 May 2010
Rating:

All Mexican Restaurants Closed

Cited as the single largest source of global warming through human refried bean methane production, all US Mexican restaurants were closed by the FDA.

written by P.M. Wortham, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Glenn Beck Surgically Alters Tear Ducts

Shedding tears on demand by squeezing his left testacle, Glenn Beck added more well orchestrated drama to his show. The tears appear to be thick and white.

written by P.M. Wortham, 18 May 2010
Rating:

World's Longest Armpit Hair Record Broken

Braided into two separate pony tails, the 47 CM long pitt hair braids of Mrs. Edna Frumpston set new world record.

written by P.M. Wortham, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Sea Here

A team of Democrat senators visited Rhode Island this morning to assess the effects of rising sea levels. Unfortunately the tide was out at the time.

written by MostlyHarmless, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Man Bites Dog But She Lives to Divorce Him

Following a night of heavy drinking, coyote ugly sex and a Vegas marriage, Vern Shanks bites his wife's arm off in the morning to get away.

written by P.M. Wortham, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Patience Wearing Thin

Every five minutes, a car is stolen in Greater London. Police have told the owner to replace the tyres before they wear below the legal limit.

written by MostlyHarmless, 18 May 2010
Rating:

An Inconvenient Length

President Obama admitted to reporters at a White House press conference that he'd not read the 1000-page Kerry-Lieberman draft climate bill. "I'm waiting for Al Gore to make the movie".

written by MostlyHarmless, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Grain of Salt Needed

A spokesman for the UK's Met Office (weather bureau) explained to reporters why a volcanic ash concentration equivalent to two sand grains in a bathtub was a hazard to jet aircraft.

written by MostlyHarmless, 18 May 2010
Rating:

The Last Straw

A man who held a gun to the head of the pilot of a New York to Miami flight shouting "Take me to Miami!" explained to Miami police that on his last two trips the plane had been hijacked to Cuba.

written by MostlyHarmless, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Ash Cloud Grounds UK Flights

The source of the ash cloud which grounded flights over the south of Britain has been traced to a Cuban man smoking a king-size cigar at the rear of terminal 2 at Heathrow Airport.

written by MostlyHarmless, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Bovvered I'm not

The inaugural meeting of the British Apathy Society has been cancelled due to lack of support.

written by MostlyHarmless, 18 May 2010
Rating:

The Land of the Setting Sun

What's likely to be the last reunion of the Japanese Kamikaze Pilot's Association has been held in a telephone kiosk in downtown Tokyo

written by MostlyHarmless, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Is The Infamous Lindsay "LiLo" Lohan With Child?

Lindsay Lohan says the rumors about her being pregnant are false. She said her belly weight gain is simply due to eating way too many Twinkies. She also noted that she does not like pee pees.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Greyson Chance Says He Wants To Be Just Like Lady Gaga...Hmmm.

Greyson Chance, the 12-year-old singer, will be going on tour with his idol, Lady Gaga. Greyson will be performing under the name Boy Gaga.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Jesse James and Amy Winehouse Are Getting Together

Jesse James and Amy Winehouse have agreed to host the new Fox Network reality show, "Hey Y'all Show Us Your Most Intimate Tattoos."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 May 2010
Rating:

The Greenland Snip Snip Here Snip Snip There Procedure

Greenland has just become the world's first country to officially approve of do-it-yourself vasectomies.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 May 2010
Rating:

The Elderly Singer Formerly Known As Madonna

The latest Madonna rumors are saying that the old singer will be going in to have the world's first 'personality transplant.'

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Three Hospitalized With New Disease

Oil tar balls reported in Key West, as old Hemingway lookalikes wade in the ocean.

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Cell Phone Cancer?

Inconclusive study on cell phone link to cancer evidence proves inconclusive.

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Manic Depressives Conference

This year's Manic Depressive conference will be held at the G-Mex in Manchester. Please apply early for tickets, as we wouldn't want you to be disappointed.

written by IainB, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Construction Up & Down

Home construction up, building permits fall. "Apparently they're out there building without permits", says head of study.

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Schizophrenia Conference

This year's Schizophrenia Conference will be held at G-Mex in Manchester. Please indicate the number of personalities you have when applying for tickets so we can allocate the correct number.

written by IainB, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Obama In Ohio

Obama takes economic tour to Ohio, to spend an hour each at last two factories.

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

UK Parliament Meet

UK Parliament to meet for 1st time since election night celebrations hangovers clear up.

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Bulemic's Day Out

The Charity Bulemia Can Be Fun are currently raising funds for this years Day Trip for Bulemics. They are hoping to take them on the Vomit Comet.

written by IainB, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Nigerian President Has Lawmakers Scream up!

Nigeria: Screaming lawmakers approve VP pick. Claim President had 'goosers' in the crowd.

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Divorce is best

Stan D'ard, head statistician at the Universitè de Paris, has proven a remarkable correlation. "Half of marriages end in divorce, the other half in death. Ask yourself which you'd prefer!"

written by IainB, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Happiness Comes With Age

Happiness Comes With Age, Study Reveals. You'll shit your pants when you look in the mirror in the mornings.

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Greenpeace Joining Tea Party?

Greenpeace say they may support the Tea Party if they would change name to "The Green Tea Party".

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Obama's Ex-Pastor Pissed

Ex-Obama pastor: 'Obama threw me under the bus'. "Did you know he wet himself during one of myu better 'Fire & Brimstone' sermons?"

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Obama Pastor Irritated

Ex-Obama pastor: 'Obama threw me under the bus'. Wait till he hears my sermon about falsifying birth certificates.

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

NASA Wants Martian Rocks

NASA wants mission to bring Martian rocks to Earth. "We would present the very first one to whomever is the leader of the PLO at the time.

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

EU Deficit Crisis

EU nations push for deficit cuts to tame crisis. Once more Leitchenstein holds the key. (They always get to hold the key as they need to feel important)

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Sounds Delicious

Study suggests processed meat a real health risk. FDA trying hard to find out exactly what is in new "Scam".

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Processed Meat A Threat

Study suggests processed meat a real health risk, especially 'hog liver pate'.

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Oil Spill Brings Further Scrutiny!

Oil spill scrutiny turns to Obama administration. Presidential staff to be called before a BP Committee.

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Mainstream Message

Paul: Tea party has "mainstream message". "Ned to get 'beer-conference party' out of Washington."

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Paul With Mainstream Message

Paul: Tea party has "mainstream message". "We must go about getting the "Oil Spill Party" out of Washington."

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Mexico Seize Turtle Eggs

Mexico seizes 5,830 sea turtle eggs, arrests 2. Say they will help hatch other 5,828.

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

TV Chef Pleads Not Guilty #3

Ex-TV chef pleads not guilty in murder-hire plot but jury says he looks hard baked.

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

TV Chef Pleads Not Guilty #2

Ex-TV chef pleads not guilty in murder-hire plot, but fears that "her goose is cooked".

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

TV Chef Pleads Not Guilty

Ex-TV chef pleads not guilty in murder-hire plot. "I certainly never cooked up such a plot."

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Not Amused One Bit!

BBC says sorry for queen death joke. Also the one about Prince Charles and the porn movie midgets.

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Ocean Fish To Disappear?

Oceans' fish could disappear in 40 years, U.N. says. Those on land even sooner.

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

French Free Killer

French court frees man who killed ex-Iranian PM. He said something bad & threatened us by shaking his finger, say Judge, jury.

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Another Boycott

Seattle City Council approves Arizona boycott. Arizona bans all Starbucks products. Threaten to bring down Space Needle.

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

So Why Worry?

Ocean fish could disappear in 40 years: UN. "Of course, at the current rate of nuclear expansion, we will too."

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Leave It There!

Oldest Mesoamerican pyramid tomb found in Mexico. Governor of Arizona Objects!

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Happiness #2

Happiness Comes With Age, Study Reveals. The sooner you can walk around the house naked all day, the happier you'll feel.

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Happiness

Happiness Comes With Aged Wine, Whiskey, Study Reveals!

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Processed Meat Hazards

Study suggests processed meat a real health risk as some baloney found with chicken feet, hog spleen.

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Processed Meat Health Risk

Study suggests processed meat a real health risk. Some meats unidentifiable, even under microscope.

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Processed Meat Risks

Study suggests processed meat a real health risk as some 90% salt.

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Haven't Been Yet!

Pesticides on Produce Tied to ADHD in Children, Death In Adults. Should they be banned?

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Scrutiny Turns To Obama

Oil spill scrutiny turns to Obama administration. Did they sabotage oil well to prevent further drilling?

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Name for the UK Coalition Government

After much wrangling over the coalition name, discarding ConLib, DemCon, LibCon, Tory and Democrats have settled on ConDem as encapsulating their policies.

written by IainB, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Glenn Beck Receives Honorary Doctorate from Liberty University

Glenn Beck received an honorary doctorate from Liberty University even though he only completed high school. He immediately went on the air and offered free medical checkups to the first 100 callers.

written by Charpa93, 18 May 2010
Rating:

BP: Just Don't Throw Us In That Briar Patch!

Oil slick so thick this morning people walking here from Cuba.

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

"Maybe...Call In FEMA"

US President Barack Obama will set up a commission to investigate the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, officials say...on the 23rd day!

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Bees Attack White House

'Thousands of bees' swarm White House. Could this be the work of the Bee Master? Tune in tomorrow!"

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Not "Our" Fault. The Buck Passes Somewhere Else

Napolitano Defends Spill Response: Gov't has 'limited capability, expertise, brain power and guts'

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Obama Agency Ducks Out!

Obama Agency Ducks Senate Hearing! Over quacks any questions yelled at them!

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Manhood Screamholler Classic #11

New La Vitra Album by Manhood Screamholler out in July will include their version of old favorites such as "A Bone At Last"

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Manhood Screamholler Classic #10

New La Vitra Album by Manhood Screamholler out in July will include their version of old favorites such as "For The Wood Times"

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Manhood Screamroller Classic #9

New La Vitra Album by Manhood Screamholler out in July will include their version of old favorites such as "Get A Long Little Dongie"

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Manhood Screamroller Classic #8

New La Vitra Album by Manhood Screamholler out in July will include their version of old favorites such as "Maggie's Firm"

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Manhood Screamholler Classic #7

New La Vitra Album by Manhood Screamholler out in July will include their version of old favorites such as "The Nooky Pokey"

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

What's next for smoky?

The smoke monster from Lost hopes after the show ends, he can start a new career as a comedy act. He says his humor will be dark and violent.

written by disciple, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Manhood Screamholler Classic #6

New La Vitra Album by Manhood Screamholler out in July will include their version of old favorites such as "Your Pills Have Lifted Me Higher"

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Manhood Screamholler Classic #5

New La Vitra Album by Manhood Screamholler out in July will include their version of old favorites such as "Isn't It Good, No Wiggly Wood"

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Manhood Screamholler Classic #4

New La Vitra Album by Manhood Screamholler out in July will include their version of old favorites such as "It Keeps Right On A-Squirtin'"

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Manhood Screamholler Classic #3

New La Vitra Album by Manhood Screamholler out in July will include their version of old favorites such as "Beyond The Pharmacy"

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Manhood Screamholler Classics #2

New La Vitra Album by Manhood Screamholler out in July will include their version of old favorites such as "Woody, Woody, All Righty!"

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
Rating:

Manhood Screamholler's Classics

New La Vitra Album by Manhood Screamholler out in July will include their version of old favorites such as "She's Gotta Lick It To Ride".

written by Bureau, 18 May 2010
« Apr 2010 May 2010 Jun 2010 »
Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun
 
1st
75
2nd
68
3rd
65
4th
73
5th
69
6th
66
7th
108
8th
75
9th
89
10th
85
11th
106
12th
99
13th
98
14th
93
15th
85
16th
101
17th
106
18th
109
19th
103
20th
106
21st
89
22nd
87
23rd
97
24th
99
25th
94
26th
108
27th
125
28th
94
29th
76
30th
86
31st
97
 

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