Spoof news snippets from Sunday 28 March 2010
No Asteroid Trouble Ever!
A new poll just out about the chances of the earth ever getting hit by an asteroid id zero. (Actually, it could, but another poll showed that most prefer being lied to).
Border Crowded
Gov. officials are warning spring breakers about violence from Mexican drug gangs across the border. Also, beware the canes and hiking sticks of old people crossing for Mexican drugs from this side.
Runaway Prius #2
Toyota says it still hasn't found any inconsistencies in the ABC story of the runaway Prius. Driver finally admits that he is Balloon Boy's uncle.
Driver Lied?
Toyota says it still hasn't found any inconsistencies in the ABC story of the runaway Prius. After all these years of lying advertising they have some nerve to accuse owner of lying.
Amercan Kids Not Getting Enough Exercise
Another report shows that American kids are not getting enough exercise. Husbands told to have kid, not wife, to go fetch a beer for him.
Obama Gets Beer Award
After latest beer conference, Pabst makes President Obama honorary member of their Blue Ribbon panel.
First Time In Three Years
Larry King to be off TV for a couple of weeks after overdoing celebration after bowel movement .
Breakthrough Up East
Massachusetts votes to allow all it's citizens the same rights as the Kennedys.
Puff The Magic Dragon
Study shows that husbands who get wives to give up sucking on cigarettes receive a double blessing.
Nader Announces New Goal
Ralph Nader lowers sights. Says he will run for Vice President in 2012.
New Doctors Study Released
Doctor's study reports that those who aren't going to take it anymore are all "mad as hell".
Earth Would Quiet Down
Just released information show that Kim Jung Il of North Korea finished third to Obama for Nobel Peace Prize. Reason given: World War III would bring complete peace to the planet.
Turn About Is Fair Play
Reprogrammed Mars Rover spotted taking earth samples.
Brings Back The Nipple Ripple!
Janet Jackson's nipple shield, outfit sent to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame!
3D Movie Remake #27
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "Chewbacca Of Sunnybrook Farm"
3D Movie Remake #26
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "Rear Window Mooning"
3D Movie Remake #25
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "Raging Tool!"
3D Movie Remake #24
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "Midnight Brokeback Cowboy"
3d Movie Remake #23
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "Beat Me In St Louis!"
Fleetwood Mac Star Gears Up For Courtroom Minge Battle
Fleetwood Mac star Stevie Nicks is to trademark her vagina after she claims Gordon Brown's plastic surgeon used it as the model for his face.
Kim Passes Along Tip
Kim of North Korea says he had a tip that Scrooge McDuck may try to corner the gold market beginning in July.
2009 Crime Only Slightly Higher
Although 2009 was a bad year economically, most crime stats were up only slightly according to figures just in. "We hopes to have a better one in 2010", says anonymous burglar.
Medical Researchers Discover Amazing Fact:
Most Americans for Prosperity (AFP) members' hearts are in the wrong place, but say surgery won't correct the problem.
"I'm Going To Scream Any Minute Now!"
New study shows that children programs do not cause violence. However, some adults crack up completely after hearing the same kid's songs everyday.
New Sign in Fort Worth
A new sign on the freeway at Fort Worth, Texas, is to show visitors the way to Amarillo.
#1 Hit Spawned at Tea Party Rally in Nevada
J.T. Pickett's hit song, "My Neck is Red, My Skin is White, and my Huntin' Dog's Named Blue" is quickly becoming the national anthem of the Tea Party Movement.
New Bin Laden Video
Osama Bin Laden in his latest video says that he has taken up golf. Reports that there are "The mother of all sand traps" out here.
Inventor _________ Dies Of ____________
_________ __________, inventor of Mad Libs _________ Sunday morning at his _________. The ________ will be held at the _______ Funeral __________, Tuesday.
Same Old Names Becoming Blase'
Representatives of Iran, Israel agree to come up with more original names to call each other.
Excuse #15 Coming Up!
Ben Bernanke spotted talking to himself, wringing his hands once again.
Newly-single Jennifer Love Spewitt dishes out dating advice
Says Spewitt: "Women get treated better if they stay dating". Actually a very Good point.
Barbara Bush At Hospital
Barbara Bush admitted to hospital for tests. Blames Bill Clinton influence on Bush Senior for pregnancy.
Go About Our Business
Despite row, U.S. and Israel sign massive arms deal. "Money is money, they both agree."
Brits At Odds With The US
End Nears for 'Special Relationship' of UK and US. "Hard for us to deal with Muslim president."
Thought They Were Stars
World suddenly going dark to shed light on Earth Hour catches UFO's completely off guard as ten thousand spotted!
Talk But Don't Walk
Activists jet 12,000 miles - to climate change meeting, to inform all of us that we are wasteful.
Bangkok Seedy?
BA union boss and a Bangkok go-go bar: Two-day stopover paid for by Unite included visit to seedy sperm bank.
Big Bunny Collection
Museum is home to world's largest bunny collection and doubling in size every two weeks!
Big Old Bugger!
First tyrannosaur fossil from the Southern Hemisphere in Australia, "Tyrannosaurus Jack", unearthed!
Played Havoc With Sporting Events!
Landmarks, cities worldwide unplug for Earth Hour, having some problems getting them back on.
Time To Fight?
Palin to tea party rally: Don't sit down, shut up! Go home and get your automatic weapons!
Lots Of Laughter Behind Doors
Phony products impress federal energy program. "Shows that there's a lot of crazy people out there", says spokesperson.
Mount Kilimanjaro Climbers
Local couple climb Mount Kilimanjaro while out looking for their lost dog.
Live On TV!
Live on TV: Thai PM vs. anti-government protesters as protesters hope to make it to the Final Four.
Wine Country Secrets
Moth forces wine country's secret into the open. Two-Buck Chuck the only one moth free.
A Bird For Obama
Obama announces 15 recess appointments, scolds GOP for finger gestures!
US/ Israeli Tensions
Netanyahu tries to play down tensions with US! "Probably the nicest Muslim leader I've ever met."
Israel/US Tensions
Netanyahu tries to play down tensions with US. "Best beer conference I've ever been to."
Remember The Kids While You're At It!
Pope opens solemn Holy Week amid sex abuse crisis, although it has only been going on for the last 1900 years.
3D Movie Remake #22
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "An American In Paris Hilton"
3D Movie remake #21
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "ET, The Extra Testicle!"
3D Movie Remake #20
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "Balls!"
3D Movie Remake #19
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "His Girl, Fruity"
3D Movie remake #18
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "The Cocktease Talcum"
3D Movie remake #17
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "Doctor Strangelove Or How I Stopped Worrying And Love The Tomb!"
3D Movie Remake #16
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as 'Boner & Clyde'
New Orleans Decides Decides To Advertise #14
New Orleans new Fat City ads include: "All our restaurants have double-doors, re-enforced floors!"
New Orleans Decides To Advertise #13
New Orleans new Fat City ads include: "Join our six-plate, Overweight Clubs like The Street Wobblers!"
New Orleans Decides To Advertise #12
New Orleans new Fat City ads include: "You'll have new friends by the gross!"
New Orleans Decides To Advertise #11
New Orleans new Fat City ads include: "Even if you get aids and begin losing weight, you'll live another 20 years on stored fat here!"
New Orleans Decides To Advertise #10
New Orleans new Fat City ads include: "Still only tubby? Well, we can fix that!"
Huge Black Historical sex-toys sold for record price!
2 huge black historical 1700 black phallus (dildo's) were sold for a record price to a horny, Essex, footballers wife preparing for the World Cup, 4 weeks without "IT" never!
Pentagon Discovers Tha......
Pentagon recalls 50,000 nuclear warheads after discovering they are leaking and...well, kiss your ass goodbye, this looks like it!
Might As Well Turn Him Over
A new study released yesterday finds that 1 n 20 people who eat in bed at night will eventually find a fork stuck in their ass by morning. If this happens to you, don't turn over or you're done.
Some Lucky Bum Is Rich
Suspicious delivered to New York City Museum and blown up by a bomb squad apparently held the Hope Diamond.
Sleep Study
Sleep study: If you only get three & a half hours of sleep the night before, it's important that you tell everyone that the next day all day long.
3D Movie Remake #15
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "Laden Of Arabia"
3D Movie Remake #14
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "It's A Wonder Bra Life"
3D Movie Remake #13
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "The Marx Brothers In Dropped Soap!"
3D Movie Remake #12
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "John With The Wand"
3D Movie Remake #11
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "All Queer On The Western Front"
3D Movie Remake #10
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "Titty Lights"
3D Movie Remake #9
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "Bringing Up Boobie"
3D Movie Remake #8
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "The Pride Of Frankenstein"
3D Movie Remake #7
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "The Dearth Of A Lotion"
3D Movie Remake #6
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "Puckered lips Now!"
3D Movie Remakes #5
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "Annie Haulin' Ass"
3D Movie Remakes #4
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "George Jefferson, Weezy Rider"
3d Movie Remakes #3
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "Hubble Identity"
3D Movie Remake #2
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "The Gold Tush"
3D Movie Remakes
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "The Real African Queen"
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