Order by:
Rating:

Global Warming Causes Balls To Itch!

Flowers 'losing scent' due to global warming, has nothing to do with depleted soil, claim village idiots, third class.

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
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Must Think Positive!

Democrats say the country is evenly split on health care passage, 30-70%

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
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Near Classic #6

Almost Classic Books that never made it: "The World According To Carp" (Singing On The Wall)

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
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Near Classics #5

Almost Classic Books that never made it: "All Of Her Twist!"

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
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Near Classics #4

Almost Classic Books that never made it: "Witches Are Broads"

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
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Near Classics #3

Almost Classic Books that never made it: The Hoarse Whisperer!

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
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Near Classics #2

Almost Classic Books that never made it: "Flower Child In The Attic"

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
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Near-Classics

Almost Classic Books that never made it: "The Old Fanning The Sheets".

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
Rating:

He's Become Dangerous

Barack Obama reveals new plan for Iraq, Afghanistan. It's to be centered around a new health care program.

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
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Like 'Weather B. Good'

New weather girl on local TV station calling herself 'Wendy Storm' pushing it a little.

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
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Local man Descended from long line of Bastards

Local man Harry Browne searched his ancestral records and discovered that his family have always been a bunch of hateful bastards.

written by Jesus Budda, 23 March 2010
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Local Man Seeks Friend

Local man Billy Nomates just wants a pal. And a hug.

written by Jesus Budda, 23 March 2010
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Hitler Planned To Exterminate Gingers

Nazi swine, Adolf Hitler, drew up a scheme to wipe out the world's red-haired population. Chris Evans, Dennis Leary and Conan O'Brien breath sighs of relief.

written by Jesus Budda, 23 March 2010
Rating:

Local Man Loses Control of his Bowls

"Each time I put my Corn Flakes in them they just spit it back out and run away with the spoon", said the man.

written by Jesus Budda, 23 March 2010
Rating:

Lesbian scholar demands to wear her TUXEDO at the Proms!

A sex scandal ripping at the academic foundations of the US is raging, a lesbian scholar is demanding to wear her TUXEDO at the Proms, well the "Times they are a changing" proving Bob Dylan was right!

written by Jaggedone, 23 March 2010
Rating:

Animal Kingdom Gets Restraining Order Against David Attenborough

"We're sick and tired of having him watching us eat, sleep and have a sneaky wank", said a monkey.

written by Jesus Budda, 23 March 2010
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Big Things Come in Small Parcels

A group of Giants who work at the Post office have since been banned from wanking near the parcel sorting area.

written by Jesus Budda, 23 March 2010
Rating:

Lawyers Short-Handed

With all the lawsuits coming up over the new health care bill, many attorneys say they are stretched too thin and for schools like Harvard to rush them through.

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
Rating:

Stalin posters in Moscow cause an uproar, Hitler posters in Berlin too!

Not to be outdone by their Russian counterparts Berlin has decided to compete with Moscow in; Who had the world's most loved dictator, Stalin or Hitler, Mussolini didn't even make the semi-final!

written by Jaggedone, 23 March 2010
Rating:

Doctor A Fraud, But Customers Kept Coming Back

Plastic surgery doctor, Hans Kermid's clinic was closed this morning after a customer in for a penis enlargement after the doctor order his nurse to take off top and slap the penis briskly!

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
Rating:

Health Care Bill #16

Some things the new Health Care Bill will not cover at the hospital are: $5 each for an encouraging word. $2 for a smile.

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
Rating:

Just To Be Contrary

Stocks move higher as experts predicted a drop. "They should be called 'cats' instead of stocks", say trader.

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
Rating:

World's Cleverest Man

World's cleverest man turns down $1million prize after solving one of mathematics' greatest puzzles. Goes by the secret name of "Skoob"

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
Rating:

Obama Getting More Threats

Secret Service called in as Twitter users demand 'a bullet to Barack Obama's head' over historic healthcare victory. "We're taking these and 'nutting' threats seriously", says spokesman.

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
Rating:

Police Question MP

MP quizzed by police after saying 'wearing burkha was like having paper bag over your head, condom over your penis'

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
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Should Speed Everything Up!

Bill aims to speed up air traffic system overhaul. Planes will be landing ten yards apart.

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
Rating:

Hospitals Try To Cover Their Asses!

ATLANTA - As one superbug seems to be fading as a threat in hospitals, another is on the rise, a new study suggests. The 'Opened Gown Ass Biter' running rampart.

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
Rating:

Health Care Overhaul Dividing Country

A top adviser to President Barack Obama says people will embrace the health care overhaul once they "get familiar with what is is and what it isn't, as soon as WE figure it out."

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
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Show At NYC Museum

Curious George gets a show at Jewish Museum in NYC. I'm sorry, that should be "Curious Judah".

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
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In The Health Bill

Health law will make calorie counts hard to ignore as the Food Police will be making their rounds of restaurants and homes at dinner time!

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
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Freedom To Eat Threatened

Health law will make calorie counts hard to ignore with $1.00 fine for every 100 calories over day's average, yet to be determined.

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
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Clergy Abuse Drops

Report: Catholic clergy abuse claims drop in US from 75% of choirboys to 72%.

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
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Nazi Hit Man Convicted

Former Nazi hit man convicted over WWII murders. 98-year-old could be given life without parole.

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
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ACORN Disbanding

ACORN disbanding because of money woes, scandal. President Obama says he will bring them back later under new name, HICKORY NUT!

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
Rating:

Rahm Using Puppets?

Rahm Emanuel denies that he is the Beast of Revelation, despite his strings on Omama, Reid and Pelosi!

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
Rating:

Sharks Lose Fight For Now

Sharks lose fight to protect them at UN meeting but eat opponents and demand another hearing.

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
Rating:

Arkansas Round-Up!

'Colonel' not OK for Arkansas ballot, but 'Porky' and 'Shithead are fine. Judge 'Pisser' says 'Colonel' military title could give unfair advantage.

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
Rating:

Freddie To Get Twins On Weekends

Debate on the future of Fannie, Freddie heats up, as both of the Farkles want Simon & Garfarkle, the twins.

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
Rating:

Sounds Familiar

How Dinosaurs Came to Rule the Earth? Experts say they hid behind closed doors in meetings, bought off votes of competition and became even bigger dinosaurs!

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
Rating:

Recall Leave Empty Shelves, Costumer's Complaints

FDA warns doctors about Glaxo rotavirus vaccine. Doctors have nurses go through shelves pulling product. If any missed, tell patients not to purchase any.

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
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Moon Water

Moon's Water Comes in Three Flavors, Scientists report: Crater crystals, Icy Mush, and Tuti Frutti".

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
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Armies Blinded?

Indian military to weaponize world's hottest chili. "Should be banned with mustard gas", says Pakistan leader!

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
Rating:

Kegs Arriving Right Now

Obama to sign health bill today, celebrate with allies with one big beer conference!

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
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Sam Cam To Have Ethnically Diverse Quintuplets

It has been revealed.

written by Ron Smith, 23 March 2010
Rating:

Shock news: Sam Cam pregnant

Even bigger shock - She actually has sex with David

written by Jo Dash, 23 March 2010
Rating:

New Horror Film A Mouthful

Coming Soon... Horrormeister Rob Zombie tackles obese radioactive mutants in "The Knees Have Thighs". You'll never fall asleep with a bag of cheese balls again.

written by Jeffrey Brunk, 23 March 2010
Rating:

Presiden Obama Again Amazes The World

Having won the Nobel Prize for deep-breathing and smoking cessation, President Obama has posthumously been named 'Savior of Earth" and "Arborist of the Year" Ceremony is Monday at Moose Lodge #365

written by Jeffrey Brunk, 23 March 2010
Rating:

Obama Seeking Dialogue

President Obama seeking dialogue with the Taliban told where he could take his dialogue and what to do with it.

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
Rating:

Saltless Hasenpfeffer Introduced Today

Saltless Hasenpfeffer introduced today at a fancy NYC German restaurant. A majority of the patrons interviewed said "gewalt it tastes like shit!"

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 23 March 2010
Rating:

President Obama's Statement on Vetoing the Health Care Bill

"I had to because of the trashing of the US Constitution, the corrupt Senate/House leadership, the flawed bill process, bribes to Congressman for votes, a lack of principles and cost falsification."

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 23 March 2010
Rating:

Chuck Norris creates Kentucky Fried Chicken

Chuck Norris has admitted to being the original creator of the Kentucky Fried Chicken secret recipe with eleven herbs and spices. Norris has revealed the secret eleventh ingredient: FEAR

written by Daniel Bristol, 23 March 2010
Rating:

New Health Care Bill #15

Some things the new Health Care Bill will not cover at the hospital are: Special ass flap for gown. $25. But free if you allow some advertising there.

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
Rating:

New Health Care Bill #14

Some things the new Health Care Bill will not cover at the hospital are: 3D TV in every room and always on, $50 per day.

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
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New Health Care Bill #13

Some things the new Health Care Bill will not cover at the hospital are: Carry charge for wheeling you out to your car in a wheelchair.

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
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New Health Care Bill #12

Some things the new Health Care Bill will not cover at the hospital are: Tip for guard who watched over your care while you were inside. $10-$25.

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
Rating:

New Health Care Bill #11

Some things the new Health Care Bill will not cover at the hospital are: Another insurance, suggested $1,000,000 policy, for any pubic shaving mishaps.

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
Rating:

New Health Care Bill #10

Some things the new Health Care Bill will not cover at the hospital are: Appendix replacement, $200.

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
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New Health Care Bill #9

Some things the new Health Care Bill will not cover at the hospital are: Pee bottle knock-overs and any slips. Insurance needed.

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
Rating:

New Health Care Bill #8

Some things the new Health Care Bill will not cover at the hospital are: Recovering any lost instruments after they close you up will cost an extra $200 to go back in.

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
Rating:

New Health Care Bill #7

Some things the new Health Care Bill will not cover at the hospital are: Doctors and nurses that are on-call in case they are needed every other weekend. $250

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
Rating:

New Health Care Bill #6

Some things the new Health Care Bill will not cover at the hospital are: Extra, extra special sponge baths are $150, same as downtown.

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
Rating:

New Health Care Bill #5

Some things the new Health Care Bill will not cover at the hospital are: Wheelchair collision, no fault insurance.

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
Rating:

New Health Care Bill #4

Some things the new Health Care Bill will not cover at the hospital are: "In some cases, up to 25 plug-in deodorants."

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
Rating:

New Health Care Bill #3

Some things the new Health Care Bill will not cover at the hospital are: New 10% government surcharge when bill is presented if paid early or lat or on time.

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
Rating:

New Health Care Bill #2

Some things the new Health Care Bill will not cover at the hospital are: The $150 up front to the head nurse that will keep you off her shit list.

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
Rating:

New Health Care Bill

Some things the new Health Care Bill will not cover at the hospital are: Nurse injuring herself after passing out while carrying out your bedpan.

written by Bureau, 23 March 2010
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