Order by:
Rating:

Superstitutions #25

Dreaming of acorns predicts pleasant things & that much gain is to be expected. Just ask one of those roadkill squirrels!

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Superstitutions #24

Dreams at night are a devil's delight. Dreams in the morning, heed the angels' warning. Dreams while at work, they'll fire your ass jerk!

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Superstitutions #23

You will have bad luck if you do not stop the clock in the room where someone dies...but not nearly as much bad luck as the person who died.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Superstitutions #22

If a clock which has not been working suddenly chimes, there will be a death in the family...or a really big cockroach inside the old clock.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Rooney Breaks Down

Millions watch as Rooney breaks down in the six yard box over his over his inability to think outside the box. In fact, he has actually built a box within the box and is now refusing to come out.

written by Jeremy Paxman, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Madman seen in Shadows

I'm still here, so watch your backs.......

written by armfeetandtoe, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Superstitutions #21

Dogs howling in the dark of night, Howl for death before daylight. This is not true and this is not right. The dogs are howling over free bites!

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Superstitions #20

You must hold your breath while going past a cemetery or you will breathe in the spirit of someone who has recently died. Not true, people held their breath because of smell just filled grave.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Care Deodorant Confesses

Care Deodorant admits that they have people working for them that might be considered sweatshops by American standards.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Fat Rapist Says Confession Coerced With Potato Chips

No Joke, I can't make this up. Bruce Tuck, the confessed serial rapist says his confession was coerced with food. Really? How low do you have to fall for you to confess because of potato crisps?

written by SirBeavis, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Elton John At Elmer's Wedding

Elton John agrees to play at Uncle Elmer's wedding for a million dollars. "I fear our marriage will suffer for that big debt up front but we'll sell some chickens."

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Durbin Asks Obama to Appoint Carp Czar

US Senator Durbin today urged Obama to appoint a Carp Czar to oversee efforts to keep out invasive species. Also wants a Fish-stick Czar, Tuna Czar and a Fillet of Fish Czar to keep them out of meals.

written by SirBeavis, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Temper Tantrum

Sources say that Pres. Obama is mad over not getting his own way & not one of the 20 gathered nations voting for a spending bill. He plans to have a one-man beer conference as soon as he returns home.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

They Say Nay!

This just in from FOX News: "Everything is getting a lot worse a lot faster than any of us ever thought possible." That our last from them. Depressing bunch of nay-sayers!

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

"Nothing Too Big, Of Course"

Barney Frank recommended a 'bad spanking' for Iran. "I hate to get rough but will if I have to. Maybe a moderate bombing of any missiles. Nothing too big, of course. Speaking of which I'm off duty.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

The CEO Blues #25

While he was on his yacht last weekend, BP's Tony Hayward forbid anyone with radio to play the song, "Oily, Oily, Toxin Free!"

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

The CEO Blues #24

While he was on his yacht last weekend, BP's Tony Hayward forbid anyone with radio to play the song, "The Drill Is Gone".

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

The CEO Blues #23

While he was on his yacht last weekend, BP's Tony Hayward forbid anyone with radio to play the song, "We'll Stop The Oil With A Little Help From My Friends"

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

The CEO Blues #22

While he was on his yacht last weekend, BP's Tony Hayward forbid anyone with radio to play the song, "Don't Be Crude".

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

The CEO Blues #21

While he was on his yacht last weekend, BP's Tony Hayward forbid anyone with radio to play the song, "Ellen Oil Rig Bee"

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Second Iraq War #5

Right after the twin towers fell, Bush decided to hit Iraq once again, calling it "Operation: Iraqi Freedom". He chose this over "Operation: Keeping Saddam From Causing A Giant Oil Spill In The Gulf!"

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Second Iraq War #4

Right after the twin towers fell, President decided to engage Iraq once again, calling it "Operation: Iraqi Freedom". He chose this over "Operation: The Revenge Bush Of George Junior!"

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Second Iraq War #3

Right after the twin towers fell, President decided to engage Iraq once again, calling it "Operation: Iraqi Freedom". He chose this over "Operation: 72 Virgins Without Vaginas"

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Second Iraq War #2

Right after the twin towers fell, President decided to engage Iraq once again, calling it "Operation: Iraqi Freedom". He chose this over "Operation: The Mother Of All Blunders"

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Second Iraq War

Right after the twin towers fell, President decided to engage Iraq once again, calling it "Operation: Iraqi Freedom". He chose this over "Operation: Collateral Damage Will Cause Buzzer To Sound"

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

The CEO Blues #20

While he was on his yacht last weekend, BP's Tony Hayward forbid anyone with radio to play the song, "The Dirty Bird Is The Word".

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

The CEO Blues #19

While he was on his yacht last weekend, BP's Tony Hayward forbid anyone with radio to play the song, "I Still Haven't Found What We're Looking For".

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

The CEO Blues #18

While he was on his yacht last weekend, BP's Tony Hayward forbid anyone with radio to play the song, Oil Free Bird"

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

The CEO Blues #17

While he was on his yacht last weekend, BP's Tony Hayward forbid anyone with radio to play the song, "Black Suede Shoes".

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

The CEO Blues #16

While he was on his yacht last weekend, BP's Tony Hayward forbid anyone with radio to play the song, "Great Balls Of Tar!"

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Subo to appear on Dancing With The Stars

Subo is in training to appear with The Spoof's own Harold Q. Fuey, in next season's Dancing With The Stars.

Do you smell romance in the air? I surely do.!!!!

written by Lady Godiva, 27 June 2010
Rating:

What ever next?

Juan Sheet The toilet roll company has revealed a break through in sanitary technology Toilet paper that is washable and can be used on both sides.

written by stantheman, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Should Help If They Get Back Together

Tiger Woods wife Elin has started back in college taking courses in Psychology and Abnormal Psychology, taught by Professor Lou Knee.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Provincetown, Mass. Schools To Provide Free Condoms To First Graders

Girls too young for training bras get training gloves?

written by Throckmorton Turdblossom, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Provincetown, Mass. Schools To Provide Free Condoms To First Graders

When asked who would supply the child sized condoms, one school district source said "we found them in a shipment that was supposed to go to Neverland Ranch."

written by Throckmorton Turdblossom, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Provincetown, Mass. Schools To Provide Free Condoms To First Graders

Catholic church shows increase in number of Priests wanting to transfer to the area.

written by Throckmorton Turdblossom, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Provincetown, Mass. Schools To Provide Free Condoms To First Graders

Arkansas says, "we been doing that fer years, but most of our second grade girls are usually about 14 years old and already got kids."

written by Throckmorton Turdblossom, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Provincetown, Mass. Schools To Provide Free Condoms To First Graders

Barack Obama upset about move, saying "where the hell am I supposed to get my 72 virgins when the six year olds get free birth control?"

written by Throckmorton Turdblossom, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Denutter Was More Lenient

Robert Pattinson related to Vlad The Impaler but not his stepson, Vald The Denutter!

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

England hit by flash flooding...

.. so many England fans were crying that there was not enough places for the water to go. The situation was not helped when so many German fans were wetting themselves laughing after their 4-1 defeat.

written by IN SEINE, 27 June 2010
Rating:

iOS4 4.0.1 Update Rumored Coming Soon to Fix iPhone 4 Reception

At a little over 6 hours, iOS 4.0 is the longest lived version of the iPhone software without an update EVER!!

written by anthonyrosania, 27 June 2010
Rating:

"Thought I Was Seeing Things!"

The Loch Ness Monster has been spotted once again, this time by a Sasquatch just coming out of the woods.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Bells Are Ringing

"Russia says it has ICBMs that can get through US missile "defense, defense". "Not with our lasers on the coasts, coasts", says Obama. "They'll be under water", warns the organic bells of Al Gore!"

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Petraeus Predicts

General Petraeus says that as soon as we get all parties to unite in Afghanistan, we must hurriedly leave...because then they will unite against us.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Need To Think Before You Act

Alabama officially apologizes for slavery. "We've thought it over for a couple hundred years", states Governor, "and we're sorry."

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

The CEO Blues #15

While he was on his yacht last weekend, BP's Tony Hayward forbid anyone with radio to play the song, "Who'll Stop The Drain?"

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

The CEO Blues #14

While he was on his yacht last weekend, BP's Tony Hayward forbid anyone with radio to play the song, "Toxy Lady".

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

The CEO Blues #13

While he was on his yacht last weekend, BP's Tony Hayward forbid anyone with radio to play the song, "Black Is Black, I Want My Beaches Back"

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

The CEO Blues #12

While he was on his yacht last weekend, BP's Tony Hayward forbid anyone with radio to play the song, "I Heard It Through The Pipeline."

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Block Differs In UK

H & R Block in the United Kingdom to be known as H & R Bloke!

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

High Court In California

High Court to visit California and look over some medicinal marijuana stores.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Consumer Warning

Home Health Agency says that have found trace of aspirin in strictnine for rats.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Consumer Alert!

Americans warned about "Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here" signs.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Mums The Word

Barack Obama refuses to answer simple question from Rush Limbaugh, "Do you still beat your wife?"

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

I Hate Everybody & Everything There Ever Was!

World's most suicidal terrorist found with eighteen nuclear weapons in his possession. "I'm taking everybody with me!"

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Americans Pessimistic

Poll : 98% of Americans believe that America is off-track, headed across the field and over a cliff into an oil spill below.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Not Cooperating

2010 Census already having trouble with getting information from the four families in Wyoming.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

New iPod Size Of Pinhead

Apple announces the smallest iPod yet. Can download 10,000 songs. It's the size of a pinhead. Bought by same.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Tiger Woods Changes Sports!

Tiger Woods retires from golf to take up "The Sport Of Women">

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Obama Practises Watching US Lose To Poor Countries

Barack Obama watched the US lose to Ghana, a poor third world nation with little or no infrastructure in order to gain experience to cope with the impending loss in Afghanistan.

written by ronin47empire, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Biden Not Worried About Unemployment

Biden: We Can't Recover All the Jobs Lost. Jobless response? "We can sure recover yours."

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Could Be True

Why Botox jabs could leave you emotionally uptight! "Is this good or bad?", asks tight-faced 90-year old. "Should we show displeasure, annoyance, or clap our hands in delight?"


written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Easily Said, Not So Easily Done!

Unemployed to be told 'move to parts of the country where there are jobs' Citizens ask, "Who would buy our house here in the pits?"

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

England Versus Germany

A nation holds it breath: England fans face another nerve-jangling World Cup showdown with Germany. "This one will be fought in the trenches", says coach.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

EU Bans Eggs By Dozen #2

EU to ban selling eggs by the dozen,chickens by the pound. Then fight breaks out over which came first.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

EU Bans Dozens Of Eggs

EU to ban selling eggs by the dozen. Several other less important programs launched.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Abbott Called Racist

Diane Abbott fumes after being branded a racist on TV by This Week host, Grand Wizard Andrew Neill!


written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

EU To Ban Selling Eggs By Dozen

EU to ban selling eggs by the dozen: Shopkeepers' fury as they are told all food must be weighed and sold by the kilo. Expect egg-throwing protests in the near future.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Howls In Protest

Frenchman who ate cellmate's lung during a full moon gets 30 years jail.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

In Stall Ment Plan

Commode Store now selling products on the installment plan.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

HK Air Pollution

Hong Kong air pollution blamed on political system, production of cloud factories.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Geithner Distracted

Geithner: Keeping recovery on crack is top frucus. That should be, "keeping recovery on track is top focus. Ask lady reporter on front row not to bend over front wise, please."

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

NKorea Leader Criticized

Obama, Lee criticize North Korea on ship sinking. Insult Kim saying that he looks nothing like his hero, "Gladstone Gander".

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

NKorea Criticized

Obama, Lee criticize North Korea on ship sinking, launching test rockets without actually knowing where they will land.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Hurricane Alex To Miss Oil Spill

Tropical Storm Alex heads away from oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. But Hurricane Blackwater begins to develop.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Gesundheit !

Kyrgyzstan holds vote only weeks after riots in capitol, Kryskzmusizectican, over how to pronounce city name.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Trains Bump In India

Trains in India mildly bump into each other but 12,000-plus aboard slightly injured.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Can Ride Bike W/O Busting balls

San Francisco hosts 40th annual Gay Pride Parade. Typical audience reaction: "I don't see what nude guy on bike is so proud about."

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

#2's Disagree

Vatican #2 increases criticism of Belgian raids. Al Qaida #2 condemns Vatican #2 for criticizing trying to see if children are OK.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Tails Up Again!

World's biggest gold coin fetches over 3 million euros. Flattens buyer as he tries to wheel it out to car.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

19 Of 20 Want Spending Cuts

World leaders struggle for common economic ground. Obama the only one who wants to raise debt. "They might get mad at me if I cut programs here."

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Bionic Cat: Further Tails

Bionic British cat gets faux paws, baiting dogs to chase it.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Be Prepared

Gulf oil spill: Raising awareness that we could spill this stuff at any time. Also, nuclear weapons could zigzag all over the sky if older one fired. Also, we may as well kiss our asses goodbye!

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Lunar Eclipse

Partial lunar eclipse visible in western skies arises just in time for Twilight Eclipse.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Salt Talks

Small fraction of Americans meet SALT guidelines & never disarmed. I'm sorry, that should be salt. We're eating too much salt, apparently.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Experiment Victims Not Aliens

Government documents show extensive efforts to remove vast amounts of waste & contaminants from Plum Island, site of top-secret Army germ warfare research and possibly cause of 'aliens' being sited.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Bionic Cat Could Inspire Bionic Coyote

Bionic British cat gets faux paws getting fat on catching road runners. Wiley Coyote may have lower part of legs removed.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Panera Co. Test Non-Profit Eateries

Panera Co. to open more pay-what-you-wish eateries. Losing money on fatsos, gaining on picky eaters comes out even!

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

We Lose!

World's biggest gold coin fetches over 3 million euros. Dropped and landed on tails if anyone superstitious.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

New Tests

Scientists say test could predict menopause. PMS outbreaks!

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Ghana Be Rough

Ghana eliminates US for 2nd straight World Cup. "It's Ghana be rough going home after losing to the same guys", states coach.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

40th Gay Pride

SF gay pride event celebrates 40th anniversary and frightened by the face of Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi!

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Cycle Sales Set to Soar

... as the coalition government tell the unemployed to "get on your bike"

written by IN SEINE, 27 June 2010
Rating:

This world cup is like WWII:

... The French surrendered early, the Americans turned up late leaving England to fight the Germans"

written by anthonyrosania, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Tough Peruvian Judge

A Peruvian judge on Friday denied a defense motion to void the confession of Joran van der Slut in the murder of a 21-year-old Lima student. "This isn't the wrist-slapping US says judge.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Health Care Heat

It's the first of summer and already there is record heat. In a statement, Sarah Palin blamed the heat & humility on Obama's healthcare plan.

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Three More Hole, Hole, Holes!

The latest excuse from BP Oil: Wouldn't it make a great Christmas to have the oil leak stopped?

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

"Curling" Eliminated

The Winter Olympic committee has ruled that there will be no "Curling" in the next Olympics. It will be replaced by "Moeing!" Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk!

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

All Votes Gotten

50 more vuvuzela stories and zilch! Monkey Woods gathered all the numbers there!

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Drug Addiction Bad In Afghanistan

Report: Afghan drug addiction twice global average! Ozzy: Pack your bags guys!

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

The CEO Blues #11

While he was on his yacht last weekend, BP's Tony Hayward forbid anyone with radio to play the song, "Coke On The Water!"

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

The CEO Blues #10

While he was on his yacht last weekend, BP's Tony Hayward forbid anyone with radio to play the song, "What's Going On (What's Coming In).

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

The CEO Blues #9

While he was on his yacht last weekend, BP's Tony Hayward forbid anyone with radio to play the song, "Papa's Got A Brand New Oil Bag!"

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

The CEO Blues #8

While he was on his yacht last weekend, BP's Tony Hayward forbid anyone with radio to play the song, "Born To Run (For 2-3 Years).

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

The CEO Blues #7

While he was on his yacht last weekend, BP's Tony Hayward forbid anyone with radio to play the song, "The Beaches They Are A-Changing".

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

CEO Blues #6

While he was on his yacht last weekend, BP's Tony Hayward forbid anyone with radio to play the song, "Syrple Haze!"

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

The CEO Blues #5

While he was on his yacht last weekend, BP's Tony Hayward forbid anyone with radio to play the song, "Gooie Gooie, Bop Bop Toward Shore I Go!"

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

The CEO Blues #4

While he was on his yacht last weekend, BP's Tony Hayward forbid anyone with radio to play the song, "When pelicans Cry".

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Aliens Have Landed!

Aliens landed in Parliment Square today. Asked why they were here, Yaki Dermi, Leader of the Zednod People from the planet Zonk, Said; "We came here looking for intelligent life, we made a mistake"

written by armfeetandtoe, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Where Does the Buck Stop?

Democrats have realized they cannot milk the "it's Bush 43's fault" cow anymore, almost three years into the Obama presidency. Animal rights groups will now be the "prime" candidates!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 June 2010
Rating:

VP Biden Does it Again

Vice President Biden has suggested that to win the war, Afghanistan must be broken up into three countries. The new countries would be named AFG, HANI and STAN!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Obama's Federal Health Care Program

President Obama says the federal government is so bloated it needs an enema. The president has made an executive decision to start with the Interior department/MMM followed by the EPA!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Dumb Lawsuit

Civil rights group sues chef for using white pepper vice black pepper while he was preparing cheeseburgers! Dummies, both varieties come from the same plant.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 June 2010
Rating:

What Next?

A leading game equipment manufacturer has announced that their new portable devices will have cell phone capability!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Short Joy Ride

Moron steals new automobile from dealership then lifts license plates from a parked car. Police arrest suspect driving fast through a school zone, as plates identified a repeat DWI offender!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Political Snippets are Currently Democratic Orientated

After the 2010 elections when Republicans control Congress, next year's snippets should have a different political flavor. If not, just erase Democrat & pencil in Republican to this year's snippets!



written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 June 2010
Rating:

New San Francisco Law

San Francisco CA law now requires posting warning signs about exposure to cell phone radiation causing penises to fall off. Some city residents are asking what a penis was doing with a cell phone.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 June 2010
Rating:

Another Federal Regulation

The TSA has added another procedure to airport security check in. As part of the security screening there will also be a clean underwear check employing the scanners, prior to boarding the airplane.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 June 2010
Rating:

A War of Words

Iranian President Ahmadinejad reprimanded Kim Jong il about North Korea blaming an Iranian torpedo for sinking a South Korean warship. He added that the nuclear weapon NK sold Iran was a dud. Oops!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 June 2010
Rating:

The CEO Blues #3

While he was on his yacht last weekend, BP's Tony Hayward forbid anyone with radio to play the song, "I See A White Beach & I Want It Painted Black".

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
Rating:

The CEO Blues #2

While he was on his yacht last weekend, BP's Tony Hayward forbid anyone with radio to play the song, "A Change Of Oil Is Gonna Come".

written by Bureau, 27 June 2010
« May 2010 June 2010 Jul 2010 »
Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun
 
1st
90
2nd
86
3rd
112
4th
108
5th
79
6th
143
7th
106
8th
81
9th
69
10th
87
11th
89
12th
72
13th
149
14th
96
15th
118
16th
95
17th
105
18th
93
19th
71
20th
89
21st
81
22nd
93
23rd
143
24th
80
25th
162
26th
149
27th
121
28th
122
29th
154
30th
121
 

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