Order by:
Rating:

New President Elected

Kyrgyzstan installs new president, Kygenisterxiode (Mick) Madaghygusinsrc.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

"Gonna Send 5 Copies To My Mother"

General McCHRYSTAL: "At least I got something few others ever get from losing my job in Afghanistan: I made the cover of the Rolling Stone!

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Mimimum Wage

Minimum wage for CA state workers? "That should go for old Shlongdragger too", says one.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

White On Lebron

Betty White continues to lure LeBron to stay. "Somebody keep that old broad away from me", he asks officials.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Plan Could Backfire

Strategist: Blame game could backfire. Especially the encouragement of eating a lot of roughage. "Get some beano", he advises.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Right On The 4th!

Abu Daoud, the man who claimed to be the mastermind behind the massacre that marked the 1972 Munich Olympics, has died. Israel has called for a day of national celebration!

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Record Number Unemployed

A record 1.21 million people want to work, but said they aren't looking because of the weak labor market, a new report says. "Besides, as long as they can stretch the unemployment payments, I'm OK!"

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

New Gibson Movie

Mel Gibson, sobering up from his latest rant against minorities, will begin filming "It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Pissed off Max!"

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Your Kampf, not Mein

Germans crush Argentina 4-0 Saturday in World Cup quarterfinal. With U.S. already out of picture, likely no one left to stop blitzkrieg as ruthless German squad establishes soccer's New World Order.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 03 July 2010
Rating:

The Lollipop Shield

"School crossing ladies with cameras in their lollipops" brings lots of laughs to Americans until they discover that lollipops are signs.


written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Three Holes In One!

Golfer defies 67m-to-one odds to hit two holes-in-one in the same round. Plans to celebrate by hitting third hole in one as soon as he gets home!

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Meth Explosion

Poor meth addict scarred for life as ingredients explode in her face, knocking out her last tooth.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Message Mix-Up!

Fit, active and clearly not FAT: So why was boy, 11, sent devastating letter by NHS telling him to lose weight? "It was meant fr that other kid, Lardass", says Principal.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

More Rediculous Justice

Police hunt for gunman who 'shot ex-girlfriend and killed her lover' just hours after being released from prison. "We never took his threats seriously", stated prison warden.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Russia Goes Undefeated

Absent Russia will win World Cup, 8 percent of nation say. No on can beat Russia say citizens, especially if they are not entered.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Ripley's Reopens

Ripley's reopens in San Francisco with Mirror Maze. Throwback still brings laughs to viewers, especially now that they are so fat!

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Features Mackinac Blue Period!

New Mackinac Art Museum opens ahead of schedule, good news for all the Mackinac Art fans.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Shows Lasted Longer

Kelsey Grammer, wife Lilith, ending 13-year marriage.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Live To Be 100!

Closing in on genes that help people live to 100, although the last 10-15 years on a feeding tube.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

No Threat To Fish!

Ohio lake's algae dangerous to swimmers, economy, but no longer a threat to dead fish.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Driving While Blind?

Driving while blind? Maybe, with new high-tech car! Blind drunk celebrities celebrate. "We can now just close out eyes!"

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Health Care Plan Has Same Results

Health overhaul may mean longer ER waits, crowding, just as every other socialized medicine in other countries has occurred.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Livingston Letter Deciphered

David Livingstone letter deciphered at last. It was "Dr. Livingston, I consume" as Stanley was joking about cannibalism in the area.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Might Harm Kids Watching

Television networks ban new Viagra commercial with Bugs Bunny sayin, "Naaah, what's up Doc?"

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Docking Fails

Naaah, What's Up Dock? Supply ship fails to dock with space station. Will try again but crew will soon have to eat them, themselves.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Moynihan Warned Us Earlier

Moynihan, as Nixon aide, warned of global warming. "He was always saying 'Is it hot in here or is it me?' says Kissinger.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Here Comes A Repair Hammer!

New US satellite to monitor debris in Earth orbit. Expected to show need of space garbage collector.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Quite A Bit Up There

New US satellite to monitor debris in Earth orbit downed by floating bottle of vodka!

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Solar Power Investment

Obama awards $2B for solar power, hails new jobs, nice tans!

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Mortgage Rates Bottom

Mortgage rates scream buy, but who is listening, as credit cards payments, student loans and auto payments scream louder!

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Poor Gov. Workers

State and local gov't workers' job security fades. Now they know what everyone else feels.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Tea Party After Biggies

Tea party's next wave rising in Alaska to Colorado with their big electoral vote count.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

An Amazing Woman

Hilary Clinton juggles diplomacy, wedding prep demands, Bill out whoring around.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

NKorea Not Responsible

US largely ruling out NKorea in 2009 cyberattacks, but still believe Kim behind huge illegal downloading of cartoons.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Russia Looking For Any US Spies

Spy arrests offer bit of Cold War nostalgia. Baby Boomers admit it brings a tear to the eye.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Judge Trying To Streamline Lawsuits

Federal judge tries to streamline oil spill suits as i could take awhile for 25,000 different individual lawsuits to get through the courts.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Pretty Rough Going Predicted

Stocks fall as jobs report adds to economic fears that every single person is doomed to disaster financially. Other than that, things seem to be looking up!.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Created Another Monster

Giant oil skimmer being tested in Gulf of Mexico, turns on it's owners and strikes out on it's own!

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Likes The Sound

Senate GOP leader opposes Kagan, but will approve because of name being so close to that of "Reagan".

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

BP Is Helping

Giant oil skimmer being tested in Gulf of Mexico. BP has really helped us in seeing how this can work", says skipper.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

BP Could Save Economy

BP has announced that they have shown much progress with their experiment of turning sea water into fuel.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Gun Ban Lifts

High Court strikes down Chicago hand gun ban. Owners may now remove them from hidden places all over the house.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Kagan Surprise

Kagan hearing begins with political partisanship, something no one expected.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Obama Moving On Immigration

President Obama quietly moving on immigration reform, considering 5 million new votes up for grabs.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Relief Well Might Strike Oil!

Relief well nears Gulf oil spill source. "Hope that doesn't provide two of them", says oil worker.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

It Was Obama

President Obama doubles broadband Spectrum! Did that say, SPECTRUM?

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Crosses The Line?

Jury just might vote for the death penalty for guy who killed 2,000 people and ate them.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Bisexuals Last Out Of Closet?

Bisexual male is the last one out of the closet. "Not so!" says shout from closet over pig squeals."

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

American Strategy

Gen. Petraeus calls for unity in Afghanistan war. Calls all leaders to come to him and they can use baseball bat to choose sides.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

North Korea Out

US largely ruling out NKorea in 2009 cyberattacks, after seeing squirrels in cages.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Les Freedom Of Speech?

Military officials will need OK before interviews. That should help Hillary's recent advice in Poland for more freedom of speech.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Nigerian Sailors Kidnapped

Nigeria: 12 foreign sailors kidnapped by pirates. "You can help us free them with only 10,000 people sending $10 each."

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Too Many Factions

Gen. Petraeus calls for unity in Afghanistan war. "None of us are getting anywhere. We need to choose up sides!"

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Hot Air Out Of Washington

Obama awards $2B for solar power, $1M for wind power, hails new jobs, savings on eating windy foods.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Mayor Daley Grows Nostalgic

Mayor Daley lays out strict gun rules for Chicago. Harkens back to the good old days of old-fashioned switchblades and clubs!

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Dayly Gets Tough

Mayor Daley lays out strict gun rules for Chicago. "No more machine guns, AK-47's, missile launchers!"

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Politics To Blame This Time

Obama says politics to blame for immigration delay. "If I were king, all this politics would end and we would get something done..like stopping the oil spill."

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Unlike The Obama Administration

Clinton says steel vise crushing global activists. "People are afraid to speak out. They've got us by the balls."

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Biden In Iraq

VP Biden arrives in Iraq amid political and colon impasse.

written by Bureau, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Beckenbauer Hails England As World's Finest...

Beckenbauer Hails England As World's Finest, Amidst Rumours Of The German Taking Fabio Capello's 3 Lions Post Following The World Cup. "England Are A Brilliant Side, Up There With The Best Around.."

written by schama, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele Proves His Stupidity

Steele criticizes Obama by stating the war in Afghanistan is "a war of Obama's choosing." Conveniently forgetting the US was attacked on Sept 11 2001 and that we've been at war since then. Idiot.

written by SirBeavis, 03 July 2010
Rating:

KKK Membership OK Says Bill Clinton

Clinton says it's OK for the late Sen Bryd (D) to have joined the KKK because "He was trying to get elected." KKK expects membership to swell with democrats expecting to be elected to national office.

written by SirBeavis, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Britney Spears Wants To Show Off Her Vagina Real Soon

Britney Spears says she is seriously thinking about showing off her vagina so people can forget about Miley Cyrus' vagina.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Sarah Palin's Boobs & Butt

Sarah Palin has denied having breast augmentation but has admitted to having her butt lifted so that now it is located exactly where it should be.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Condoleezza Rice Says She Is Not A Lesbian

Condoleezza Rice denies that she is a lesbian, but adds that she would not mind having Sandra Bullock suck her lips.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Glenn Beck Is A Closet Nazi

Glenn Beck has admitted that he has a "Nazi's Rule" tattoo on his ass.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Toby Keith's Secret About Natalie Maines

Toby Keith says he still believes that Dixie Chicks lead singer Natalie Maines has a pecker.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

"These are the times that try men's souls," wrote Thomas Paine, while our army was on the retreat. I say nuke the Tories!!!

written by anthonyrosania, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

General Howe attacked New York City, driving our troops back to Harlem. Great. Send a bunch of armed white people to Harlem.

written by anthonyrosania, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

I can deal with Tories occupying our land, I can deal with taxation without representation, but soccer as our national sport? Soccer? Never!

written by anthonyrosania, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

Some of our army is going up north to defend Canada. WHY?!?

written by anthonyrosania, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

Just saw the Minutemen firing at the Tories with muskets. F--k that, I'm bringin' my 9 and my AK, yo

written by anthonyrosania, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

General Washington unsuccessful getting Indians to fight for our cause. Let's deport them back to India.

written by anthonyrosania, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

My wife must have found out that I applied to fight for the Colonies, because she referred to me as a Minuteman today. Also, is that the oldest joke ever??

written by anthonyrosania, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

Just read the book, "The Patroit." I can imagine this being made into a play, perhaps starring an Australian racist and an Australian drug addict.

written by anthonyrosania, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

The" Treaty of F-k You England, Everything From Canada To Mexico is Ours, Ours, OURS! Bwah Hah Hah" is being shortened to "Treaty of Paris," which is much easier.

written by anthonyrosania, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

Spain successfully expelled the Tories from Southern Florida. They don't seem to be in a rush to leave. I can't imagine Spanish -speaking people in South Florida, though.

written by anthonyrosania, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

General Washington said he is going to be on TV tonight, on Larry King Live. Whatever the hell TV is.

written by anthonyrosania, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

Those a--hole French! They won't allow uf to fly over their airfpace. Thank God the airplane wasnt invented yet!

written by anthonyrosania, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

King George III is a total dick. "We ask too much." All we want is Parliamentary representation and season 3 of "Fry and Laurie" on Blu-Ray.

written by anthonyrosania, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

For their help with our War of Revolution, France must always be remembered as the most courageous nation on Earth. France is synonymous with "Never Surrender!"

written by anthonyrosania, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

King George III is a total dick. "We ask too much." All we want is Parliamentary representation and season 3 of "Fry and Laurie" on Blu-Ray.

written by anthonyrosania, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

Just wrote to George III; oh, excuse me: ""George the Third, by the Grace of God, King of Great Britain, France, and Ireland, Defender of the Faith, and so forth" Pompous ass.

written by anthonyrosania, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

General Washington unsuccessful getting Indians to fight for our cause. We should give them blankets infected with smallox.

written by anthonyrosania, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Ghana and Nigeria are 2 separate states in the same official country

Do you ever wonder why loads of scams from Africa come out of Nigeria and Ghana? Nigeria and Ghana are part of The Republic of Scammer Land.

written by rpm1978, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Netherlands Berates Brazil in Football

The Netherlands team called the Brazilian team a bunch of nuts. The boys from Brazil retorted that the Dutch were a bunch of cheese heads!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 03 July 2010
Rating:

So That's How it's Done

Hollywood starlets who do not get boob jobs leave California and become conservatives. Hollywood starlets who get boob jobs including brain pumping, stay in California and become liberals!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Happy 4th of July 2010

Fifty six free men signed the Declaration of Independence in 1776. How many Czars does President Obama currently have?

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 03 July 2010
Rating:

EPA by any other Name

President Obama changes the name of Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) to Environmental Protection Assholes in keeping with his kickass strategy!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Obama Administration Explained

Democratic far left liberals are descended from 19th century British Luddites. The liberals are actually against change, but are for controlling every citizen's life, e.g. "we know better than you!"

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Chicago's New Gun Law

"Citizens possessing illegal handguns (ban was approved 28 years ago) have 90 days to register the weapons." All 3 million Chicago residents were heard to say &*%$ @!* and the horse you rode in on!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 03 July 2010
« Jun 2010 July 2010 Aug 2010 »
Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun
 
1st
96
2nd
32
3rd
91
4th
100
5th
87
6th
97
7th
96
8th
81
9th
103
10th
70
11th
69
12th
127
13th
96
14th
114
15th
100
16th
85
17th
123
18th
97
19th
93
20th
68
21st
49
22nd
59
23rd
80
24th
66
25th
95
26th
68
27th
114
28th
87
29th
100
30th
97
31st
91
 

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 5 multiplied by 2?

7 16 10 14


Go to top