Order by:
Rating:

Store's Secret Code Revealed

A Spoof tip if you ever try to pilfer a few things at an "Everything For A Buck" store: Watch out for the code name "Price Check On Check-out #3!" That's a signal. Quickly turn around & replace them.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Social Security Scheme

Guinness certifies that the Social Security system was the biggest Ponzi scheme ever recorded.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

That Would Be Awful!

Sentaor Al Franken warns GOP Congress would bring 'truly dangerous agenda' like three-month long oil spills, constantly gone on vacations while debt, joblessness soar!

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Biden Doing "Helluva Job!"

After Maine and Gulf Coast vacations, Obamas schedule 5-days in Spain to precede 10-day vacation on Martha's Vineyard.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

SBA: Losing Many Businesses Daily

Majority of Small Business Sector Facing Tax Rate Hike Under Obama Plan. "We'll either have to close or lay off workers if taxes upped for big business bailouts."

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

As A "Nest Egg"

GOLDMAN reveals where bailout cash went -- overseas banks! "We simply can't trust the ones here", says spokesman.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
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Stem Cell Promises

New stem cell research reveals that it is possible to live 1,000 years and still never be out of debt.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

China's Total Blackout

Chinese Ambassador at the United Nations says that they have cracked down completely on media at home. "But haven't figured out how to tell them."

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

First Of It's Kind

Japanese amaze world with new robot that can fart. Has built in laugh track.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
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Better Tell Kids, Grandchildren Now

United States debt growing by millions every minute. Have you told your kids about this? Be sure there are no sharp objects about.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

That's All Right Then

Military in China identifies UFO from two weeks ago that closed down airport. Apparently it was the Tooth Fairy who had a busy night.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Yankees Lose Two

Alex Rodriguez hit by pitch on hand, may be out for a few days, Steinbrenner for the rest of the season.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Unusual Weather Ahead

Meteorologists say Fall weather could bring Oil Storms along the Gulf Coast, Mud storms around election time in November.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Energizer Bunny Suffers Health Problems

After a highly charged health check, the Energizer Bunny has been diagnosed as being doubly-incontinent - the rabbit just keeps going and going and going and going, a doctor said today.

written by IN SEINE, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Teacher Pleads Guilty

Woman teacher at private boys' school charged with "Having sexual activity with a pupil without being able to be transferred elsewhere by the Pope".

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Yep, Same Old Bush

Interviewing ex-President George Bush after being invited to a barbecue, Bush was asked what he was doing to keep busy. "Oh, bysickling, cutting bushes, writing my boudoirs."

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Same Old Bush!

After informing former president George W. Bush on the latest that the oil capping could cause an eruption elsewhere on the ocean floor, agents hear "Bring It On!"

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

The Majority of Internet Users Will Not Pay for Online Content

According to KPMG, 81% of UK users will not pay for online content. I wonder why? Maybe it's because the remaining 19% are MPs and they can easily claim it on their expenses!

written by IN SEINE, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Explains The Locals Whine When Frustrated

Cave drawing found in Wookey Hole, believed to be made by Wookeys!

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Will End Leaks

BP blunderer's golden goodbye: Hayward exits with £10m pension pot as he's replaced by English Goal Keeper at the World Cup.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Fattest Woman Dies

Britain's fattest woman dies of heart attack after junk food binge in hospital bed. "Probably, we shouldn't have brought those to her."

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

That's A Wonderment

Bear Wallow, Ky. "Think Tank" writes that "You drive on a parkway & park on a driveway", that's as nutty as linking up certain letters to become words, then link up words, to become letters. Amazing!

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Taylor Swift sues acne medication for making her breasts disappear

I wanted them to take care of my big zits, not my little tits!

written by Throckmorton Turdblossom, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Mother Of Ten Charged With Neglect

A mother of ten kids in Riverside, California has been charged with neglect by her husband, who claims she's been neglecting his wanger. "Lately she acts like she's afraid of the thing."

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Same Effect As Extreme Cold

Hot weather shrinks size of German fries, sausages. Wives demand more air conditioners.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

That Explains A Lot!

Obama to appear on ABC's 'The View' on Thursday, on Good Morning America on Wednesday and on several local news networks for county fairs etc. Biden running country.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

FDA Approses Larger Penis Pills

FDA approves larger doses of Viagra, Levitra for those more gifted in that area.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Never Do That!

In midst of river cleanup, supporters are divided as some stop to change horses.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Wind Up Downstream

In midst of Mississippi river cleanup, supporters are divided over going upstream, downstream. Split up. Then down streamers accuse other half of tossing bloated things into river.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

BNP leader banned from Buckingham Palace!

Nick Griffin has been banned from the palace by the Queen because his fancy dress outfit didn't fit, jackboots, brown uniform and a neat moustache are only to be worn by Prince Harry and not Nick!

written by Jaggedone, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Japan Exports Up!

Japan's exports rise for seventh straight month as karaoke catches on with the Chinese.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Euro Markets Flat

European markets flatline after stress test results. Many blame being on treadmill too long.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Obama A Downer

Obama's message to voters: Things could be worse. Wait until you see the next 18 months!

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Calif. Citizens Upset

Calif. town's council likely to see angry public, sneak out back door one at a time.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Gulf Citizens Suspicious

Oil cleanup brings strangers, tension to towns already set to blame someone for misery. No oil leak jokes heard for past 30 days.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Rock Around The Clock

Settlers, Palestinians clash with rocks in village. PLO accuses Israeli Army of supplying settlers with bigger rocks.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

ID Theft Protection

Do Identity-Theft Protection Services Work? Confusion ranks as two different people who claimed to lead the investigation, claiming opposite views.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Med Device Hurts

Medical device problems hurt 70,000+ kids annually. They are called "braces".

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

"Take My Cigar...Please!"

Raul Castro prepares Cuban Revolution Day speech. Will try to reach brother Fidel's 8 hours by talking slow, placing a joke here and there.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

American Petroleum?

Could American take over Britain's BP? Yes, if we can fine them enough over oil spill, clean-up.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

A Part Of Life

Medical device problems hurt 70,000+ kids annually but usually behave themselves better after episodes.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Big Bangers Ask For Help

Big Bang investigators want new atom smasher, good-looking women

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Plastic Boat Arrives

Boat made of plastic bottles arrives in Sydney. "It's Sydney or the Bottles" becomes a new catch phrase among seafarers.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Khmenr Rouge Leader Jailed

Senior Khmer Rouge cadre jailed for mass murder and torture and giving the Khmer Rouge a bad name.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Horoscopes - Gemini - August

Stone: Staffordshire
Vegetable: Courgette

Mid-August sees Mars enter Uranus, a trip to the hospital is forecast in order to remove it. Avoid using semi-colons at the end of the month.

written by IainB, 26 July 2010
Rating:

ID Mix-Up

ID mixup: Family planning funeral now hopeful. "I'm doing much better", says 'dead' woman.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Obama Wants More Time, Money

Obama's message to voters: Things could be even worse! Give me more time.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Not So Positive

Obama's message to voters: Things could be even worse! "Yes It Will!"

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Could Be Worse

Obama's message to voters: Things could be even worse! "Yes It Can!"

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Special On Evening News

Do Identity-Theft Protection Services Work? Thirteen Geraldo Rivera's say No!

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Smelled Funny

Procter & Gamble recalls 2 Iams cat food lots after reports of cats using cans for litter box.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Cat Food recall

Procter & Gamble recalls 2 Iams cat food lots. May be some baby food but will wait until they see if any reported sick.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

War Of Words

US holds drills off Korea as Pyongyang talks war. Kim hurls insults: SKoreans, Americans cannot even sing karaoke.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

May Be Let Go Then

BP says 'no final decision' on replacing Hayward. "Let's wait a little longer and see if entire Gulf is ruined."

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Oil's well that ends well

If Blackwater Petrol severs ties with Tony Hayward, healthy retirement package expected to leak roughly $100 per hour into wealthy exec's bank account - won't be capped until 2030!

written by The San Francisco Onion, 26 July 2010
Rating:

An eye for an eye?

Man who stabbed another man in eye with pen at comic book fair arrested for "assault with a deadly weapon." Officers snatch up Script-O's, launch full-blown attack on arrested man's paperwork.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Example: Al Gore

Our Future Is Already in the Hands of Robots. I'll have one Living Doll please.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Glad To Hear It!

Report: Regular workouts don't decrease death risk if you're also a couch potato. So why work out?

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Asks For Who Vote!

Gingrich to decide on White House run after election, claims his heart has grown three times it's former size.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Pakistan Spy Service

Military documents reflect deep suspicions among U.S. officials that Pakistan's spy service has for years guided the Afghan insurgency. Obama sends troops after NYC cab drivers.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Monkeys In His Pants

Man Nabbed With 18 Monkeys in His Pants! Sorry, I can't improve on this one. Look it up.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Getting A Little Dingy

Reid Has a 'Serious Problem' in Senate Race. Hates the nickname "Dingy Harry".

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

No Pies On Plane

Stressed Out Airplane Passengers Turn Rude! Pies now listed among those things not allowed. "Sure as the world there'd be a pie fight", says Air Marshall.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Don't Let The Bed Bugs Bite

Bloodsucking Bed Bugs Creep Back in. People are starting to blame all the vampire movies.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Only The Name Changes

Post-Traumatic Stress in the Army on the Rise. That's was called "Shell-Shock" to all you older vets out there.

written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Try the new Twinkies diet

The diet is easy. Day 1 -- all you can eat Twinkies, nothing else. Day 2 -- fast all day, unlimited water. Day 3 -- repeat 1. Day 4 through 7 -- fast, unlimited water. Guaranteed to lose 10#.

written by C. Cranium, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Play Keno on your grocery receipt

Utah has added Grocery Store Keno to the State Lottery Games. The check out clerk asks if you would like a Keno ticket in amount of your change. Say yes, and you receive an automated Keno card.

written by C. Cranium, 26 July 2010
Rating:

Goats as greens keepers

Hellyard Golf Course, Milk River, Alberta. The pros at Hellyard have fired their greens keeper, actually he's at college, and now have a goat grazing and fertilizing the greens/tees process.

written by C. Cranium, 26 July 2010
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