Order by:
Rating:

JFK died of 'natural causes'

JFK's fatal head wounds were in fact caused by a rouge chilli pepper from some nachos he was eating as he toured Dallas in November 1963. Experts found they were hot enough to cause an explosion.

written by Jimbo123, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Three Trillion Tons Is One Big Margarita

Scients say 3 trillion tons of ice has melted since melted since 2002. Japanese blame whale farts. "Should be thinned out!"

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

President Busy, Busy!

President Obama busy, busy after Maine vacation. Planning new beer conferences, vacation on the Gulf as a gesture. May receive several gestures in return.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Joe The Plumber Back

In an effort to reach across the aisle, President Obama names Joe the Plumber, White House Maintenance Czar!

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Not Really Prepared.

Scientific Panel seeks ways to avoid colliding with asteroids in the future. Thus far they have Dick Cheney with a shotgun.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Taliban Losens Grip A Bit

Taliban pass new woman's rights bill. "A woman has the right to choose which male will beat her!"

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Gore's Latest

Latest from Al Gore: Ice melting at the poles could cause the earth to go naked in front of a masseuse!

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

A-Rod On Commercial

Alex Rodriguez and Madonna to team up on new Ballpark Franks commercials.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

"Pssst Who Are THEY?"

The CIA has discovered a secret group among themselves that are so secret they don't recall starting it.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Obama Big Spender

New report shows that Obama the biggest spender since LBJ. Johnson did it for his party's "Great Society", where Obama is doing it for beer conferences and White House parties.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Amazing Test Performed

Scientists say that study shows that testosterone causes men to stare at women, as you lower it, their heads turn slowly toward football.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

New Calif. Poll

Latest poll shows that Californians favor legalizing pot, being Republican illegal!

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Keeping Eye On Pope

Very upset over story of priests in gay bars, a close watch is being kept on the pope as some fear he might excommunicate himself.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Hold Down Cost Of Stamps

The United States Supreme Court says it will set new rules for pyramid schemes. "After all, our post office could use a bi purchase of stamps for chain letters."

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Animal Farm

Elton John to bring Animal Farm to stage, including the leading jackass...Pardon, Sir Jackass!

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Undwear As Masked

Oklahoma Police nab bandit who used underwear as mask. "We've got him by the shorthairs", says Sheriff.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Moore's Next Move?

Michael Moore to issue his own "Communist Manisfatso!"

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Gay 'train' disgrace

Peter Tatchell is organising a continual 'chain' of gay men from Lands End to John O Groats involving more than 2 million 'fags' from across Europe. The police have warned of 'multiple' offences.

written by Jimbo123, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Moscow Having Record Heat

Moscow heatwave breaks record as kids play in sprayed water in the 65 degree heat.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Kerry The Cheat

Kerry Docks New Yacht In Rhode Island To Duck Massachusetts taxes. Tea Party on the way there with cameras rolling!

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

NKorea Threats

NKorea threatened the United States & SKorea with a "physical response" if they carry out military drills as planned on Sunday. Hillary Clinton said that she hoped it wasn't a Kim mooning once again.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Pope Moves Priests

ROME: Undercover reporter 'films priests at gay clubs, having casual flings'. Pope hands down judgment to move them to San Francisco.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Dog Lies

Dog Life presented Dog Lies in new issue: #3 The tires on a moving automobile tastes just like rabbit.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

In Case They Lose

CIA Warning: Tea Party has purchased 17 stealth bombers, 121 drone missiles.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Cosmopolitan, Man's Best Friend

Cosmopolitan Magazine runs out of Ways To Pleasure Your Man" after 1,278. Will start again with #1 in next issue.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

That's My George!

Who am I? Man with no memory, found injured in city centre, makes desperate appeal to public to identify him. So far, over 3500 women have identified him as long lost husband.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Too Many New Ways

Armed Forces no longer have the cash to defend Britain, US from every threat, says Liam Fox. "Not that they ever did."


written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Girl's Aloud, Kimberley Walsh confesses.......

'I've only slept with two men', confesses Kimberley Walsh 'but shagged hundreds!'

written by Stevey G., 23 July 2010
Rating:

Lacky Loses No-Hit Bid

Lackey loses no-hit bid in 8th, but Flunky comes to the rescue as Boston wins in 13.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Obama's On Coast

AP source: Obamas to vacation on Gulf Coast. Once everybody gets back from Maine vacation.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Actor Marries Model #2

Actor Orlando Bloom and model Miranda Kerr marry. Actors marrying models could set new trend.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Actor Marries Model

Actor Orlando Bloom and model Miranda Kerr curry.....marry.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Star Scarred

Angelina Jolie says she was scarred by 'Salt', plus "it hurt by being rubbed into wounds."

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

MTV Most Gay

Study: MTV leads in showing gay characters on TV. Followed closely by "The Pansy Channel".

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

China Aloows Some Porn

Some Internet porn sites in China now accessible. "Fu Long's Foot-Binding mot popular!

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

"When You Wish..."

Scientists find most massive star ever discovered. Quickly wish upon it for more funding.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Stars Out Thars

Scientists find most massive star ever discovered. Makes our sun look like a lightning bug!

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Hundreds Of Penguins Dead

Hundreds of dead penguins dot Brazil's beaches blamed on Jim Jones type penguin leader.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

No Driller "Bit" Pun Intended

EPA hears from gas drillers, angry Pa. residents who say water system has been poisoned. "Just a little bit", adds drillers.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Sister Discovered

Sister monument to Stonehenge may have been found. Will be called Sheilahenge.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Equipment Failure Means We Got It Wrong

Equipment defect leads to reanalysis of gene study as chimps point out that genes were switched.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Bars Being Dropped

Meers Candy Company will be dropping their Bobbitt Ruth Candy Bars.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

World Shares Up

World shares up amid confidence in recovery, whistling in the dark!

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Stripped-Down War Measures

House pressured to pass stripped-down war measure as Pakistan sets new heat records.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Those Out Of Work Disagree

Obama acknowledges economic stress not so long ago. Perhaps, last week.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Attorney For Barefoot Bandit Speaks Up

Attorney: 'Barefoot Bandit' just an immature kid who loves to steal. "Couldn't even afford shoes."

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Taliban Capture Recorded

Former Taliban spokesman captured in Afghanistan. So far, he's not talking.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Aids Rates High In Prisons

UN warning on AIDS in prisons. Free condoms will be handed to prisoner upon arrival.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Aids In Prison

UN warning on AIDS in prisons as inmates might get toothbrushes confused.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

No One Lies Anymore

Ford posts another quarterly profit as sales climb. Call VP Biden a liar about statement that the government bailed them out. "I guess he misspoke again", states CEO.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Bunny On The Way?

Oil spill work on hold as Bunny approaches. I'm sorry, that should be "Bonnie"!

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

"I Hit Their Foot!"

Deputy cruiser hits pedestrian during chase. New deputy told that he was supposed to chase those on foot.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Creek Rises

Flooding affects Drakes Creek near Bear Wallow, Kentucky washing away six old school bus homes. Luckily no one was home.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Airlines Broke Rules

Northwest Airlines didn't follow safety orders. Allowed fat people who's belly came against seat in front not to buckle up.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Cut Have Cut Pilot's Toenails Into The Quick!

Northwest Airlines didn't follow safety orders, allowed nail clippers aboard.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

India's New Computer

India unveils prototype of $35 tablet computer. Actual computers to sell by 2012 gives Chinese plenty of time to bootleg.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Jazz Singer Ill

US jazz singer Al Capella critically ill in France.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

US Wades (Steps) Into Another One

US wades into South China Sea disputes . Move could irritate China into closing our banks.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Taliban Spokesman Captioned

Former Taliban spokesman, Osama Bin Oprah, captured in Afghanistan

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Taliban Captured

Former Taliban spokesman, Osama Bin Talking, captured in Afghanistan.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Poor Bordertowns!

Ariz. judge raises the realities of poor border. I'b sorry, that should be "porous border".

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Will Use 666

Wal-Mart, the Beast of Bentonville, to roll out electronic tags to track clothing: report.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Obama Getting Writer's Cramp Signing Checks

Checks are coming: Obama signs unemployment bill. "Anybody else need a check while I'm at it. They're from China."

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Travel Warning

U.S. issues travel alert for Kenya, citing al-Shabaab, bad kabobs!

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Whale Leaping

Whale watchers recount bizarre yacht jump over the boat. "I think he's trying out for Sea World after hearing about oil slicks."

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

GOP Says Mistake #2996

Obama calls ousted USDA official to apologize. "Sooner or later I was bound to make a mistake and I almost made one here."

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Bonnie Approaches

Tropical Storm Bonnie moving toward oil spill. Drivers leaving told that roads could be especially slick.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Bonnie Headed For Coast

Tropical Storm Bonnie moving toward oil spill. People on the coast to put on their slickers.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Deep Space Arachnophobia

Largest star ever discovered in Tarantula Nebula, with mass 300 times that of the Sun. Believed to be orbited by enormous planet inhabited by tarantulas 300 times more massive than those on Earth.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Beast Still On The Lose

Major effort to cap Roman Polanski's attacking teenage girls appears to be unsuccessful!

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Russians Solve Pirate Problem

100 miles at sea, a mother ship launches a small boat full of pirates. Russians capture pirates sink mother ship and send pirates back to shore in the small boat. Maybe pirates get to shore or not!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 23 July 2010
Rating:

USDA Leaked Email

A leaked email from USDA Secretary Tom Vilsack indicates that anybody that talks about the Shirley Sherrod resignation fiasco will be sent to the "funny farm!"

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Tiddlywinks Anyone

Someone has stolen 16 manhole covers from Baltimore city streets. Police are searching for a person with a large Tiddlywinks game in the backyard!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 23 July 2010
Rating:

San Francisco CA Military Recruiting is Up

Recruiting for the military is up in San Francisco despite the anti-war protests at various universities. Analysts believe it is because a new regiment called "The Bloody Assholes" has been formed!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Reckless Spending

A person who recklessly spends money that he does not have available was once called a spendthrift. Now they call him Mr. President!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Obama Calls for a Bureau of Regulations

BOR is to make sure all other executive agency's regulations are properly regulated before the regulations, regulate the American people. The GOP hopes they get tangled up in their own underwear!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 23 July 2010
Rating:

It Floats

How did incompetent, ideological Democratic far left liberal politicians get into powerful positions in the Obama administration? A new scientific study claims s**t floats!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Hidden Microphones in Small Cars

Hidden microphones in the backseats of 2010 mini-electric cars record user's opinions! "Oooooooh, John do it again! Where are you Alice? I'm under Marsha, anybody seen Henry?"

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 23 July 2010
Rating:

Fish Oil's Good For You!

BP Oil to throw party for all you can eat oily fish fry!

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
Rating:

100 To 0

Senate Republicans join Democrats voting to extend unemployment benefits, after wives have them to add Penis Lengths also.

written by Bureau, 23 July 2010
« Jun 2010 July 2010 Aug 2010 »
Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun
 
1st
96
2nd
32
3rd
91
4th
100
5th
87
6th
97
7th
96
8th
81
9th
103
10th
70
11th
69
12th
127
13th
96
14th
114
15th
100
16th
85
17th
123
18th
97
19th
93
20th
68
21st
49
22nd
59
23rd
80
24th
66
25th
95
26th
68
27th
114
28th
87
29th
100
30th
97
31st
91
 

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