Richard Ramirez to Have Pioneering Face Transplant
To avoid mock-sensitive members of some discussion forums taking offence even at The Night Stalkers image; Ramirez is getting a face transplant. As of July, he will be depicted as a cute little bunny.
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Spyring busted by girl on bus
US intelligence sources have confirmed that leader of the Russian spyring in the USA wears a gabardine suit and has a bow-tie camera. He was first identified by a girl known only as 'Cathy'.
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New balls please!
Serena Williams hit the Duke of Edinburgh in the trouser while serving at centre court today. Rumours that HRH was overheard enquiring about Miss Williams tribal heritage have yet to be confirmed.
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Obamas "White Tax" In Full Effect
The 10% national tax on tanning bed use targets pale white folk, and is expected to fund the health care bill. No word how it will be funded when white people figure out they can suntan for free.
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New Al Qaeda Mag.
Al Qaeda launches magazine in English, "Thee Weakly Talk Talk!"
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written by
Bureau, 02 July 2010
Oil Claims Heavy Toe
Recovery summit prepares to combat oil disaster's human toe. I'm sorry, that should be human toll!
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written by
Bureau, 02 July 2010
Al Gore Has The Hots For Her
Facts: Miss America of 2009 was the hottest Miss America on record!
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written by
Bureau, 02 July 2010
Agusta Hit By Storm!
Augusta gold course where the Masters is played in bad shape after being hit by storm with hail the size of golf balls!
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written by
Bureau, 02 July 2010
We'll Miss You, Here's Your Hat
Wailing and beating breasts at funerals being outsourced by busy families.
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written by
Bureau, 02 July 2010
Big Old Rascal
An iceberg the size of Antarctica breaks off and heads across the Pacific Ocean. Ship are warned to stay clear.
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written by
Bureau, 02 July 2010
Kim Jong il on Vacation?
Asia watchers are baffled as no nuclear threats of war, no rants against the USA & South Korea have emanated from North Korea this week. Some analysts think Kim Jong il is vacationing in Las Vegas NV!
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How to Screw up US Auto Sales
Ford, GM and Chrysler cooperate to produce an automobile that gets 200 miles per gallon. The EPA rejects the car's design because it exhausts a tad of Carbon Dioxide!
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Speed Cameras in School Zones
Major cities are broke, speed camera installations in school zones needed to raise revenue. City council members are questioning how much cash can be made from speeding tricycles, bicycles & scooters!
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Did you Know?
President Obama and the Congressional Democratic far left wing liberals blame the Bush tax cuts for causing sexually transmitted diseases!
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Bill Clinton for President
Former President Clinton says "first stop the BP oil leak, clean up the spilled oil, clean up the beaches & then fix the blame." Common sense is missing from the current resident of the White House!
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The Effect of Iranian Sanctions
Iranian Clerics warn the EU of diarrhea consequences because of the European sanctions placed on Iran. President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is crapping in his pants over the new restrictions!
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Have you heard of any Protests?
Twin Homicide bombers kill 35 Muslims at a Sufi shrine in Pakistan. Another 175 people were wounded! No protests occur in Greece, Turkey & France. The UN & Palestinian President Abbas are silent!
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Diplomacy in Action
President Karzai of Afghanistan has offered to come to Washington DC to clean up the Chicago politics of the Obama Administration!
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Climate Change Made Me Do It
Former VP AL Gore is involved in a sex scandal. He claims global warming made him go into "heat!"
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Alternate Political Universe
In a joint statement House Speaker Pelosi & Senate Majority Leader Reid are proposing extending the Bush tax cuts! Both want to stop President Obama from pissing money away on new useless programs!
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Welfare Strip Clubs
Welfare recipients use strip club ATMs. "At least the money is going back into economy", states Pelosi!
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written by
Bureau, 02 July 2010
Recovery Fizzling!
Weak economic data suggest 'recovery' fizzling. Mostly from all the people living on beans.
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written by
Bureau, 02 July 2010
Speared By Brolly!
Day at Beach: Woman stabbed by 'flying umbrella'. Ms. Mary Poppins apologizes!
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written by
Bureau, 02 July 2010
Where's All The Recycling?
Los Angeles to generate more trash than county can handle!
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written by
Bureau, 02 July 2010
Yes We Canned!
Pending home sales plunge record 30%. Can we go busted in only four years? Yes We Canned!"
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written by
Bureau, 02 July 2010
We Welcome You
Huge homeless tent city takes root in Hawaii, "Obama"s Paradise".
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written by
Bureau, 02 July 2010
Why Doesn't Washington Hire Us All?
Speaker of the House Pelosi: Unemployment Checks Fastest Way to Create Jobs. And we wonder why Washington keeps getting worse each day.
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written by
Bureau, 02 July 2010
GE CEO Mad!
Jeffrey Immelt, GE's chief executive, has launched a rare broadside against the Chinese government, which he accused of being increasingly hostile to foreign multinationals. "Both can kiss my ass!"
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written by
Bureau, 02 July 2010
Gays Find Support
Study shows that gay teens find support in each other..on each other..oh, you know what we mean.
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written by
Bureau, 02 July 2010
So Much Incompetence
Incompetence is ruining the World Cup Series. Also, referees are having problems of their own!
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written by
Bureau, 02 July 2010
Here & There
West Nile Virus found in California. California virus found near a river in Egypt.
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written by
Bureau, 02 July 2010
Border Violence
A Mexican political candidate was shot and killed near the Mexican/US border yesterday. Both sides say that it was unusual as the border is usually so peaceful.
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written by
Bureau, 02 July 2010
