Order by:
Rating:

Gore Wanted More!

Al Gore accuser claims key witness, hotel video surveillance, DNA evidence. "He flipped!"

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Some Even Touched

Saudi Arabia convicts 15 men, women for blatant mingling at party.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Elian Lonzales Now 16!

Elian Gonzalez, 16, recalls dramatic return to Cuba, thinking Castro was a goat!

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

National Debt Still Climbing!

Up-to-date charts say that the National debt has soared to it's highest level since yesterday!

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

No Crazed Sex Poodle

Ex-VP 'emphatically' denies masseuse's allegations that he made unwanted advance like a 'crazed sex poodle'. "I was more like a doberman pincher", stated Gore. "Credit where credit's due!"

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Artificial Hearts Developed

Revealing the avaiablility of artificial hearts on the NHS, Doctor Amanda Ginanlyme claimed: 'Artificial hearts are nothing new. Politicians have had them for years.'

written by Inchcock, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Twilight Eclipses Twilight!

'Twilight' sets box office record in $68.5M debut, having already eclipsed the last movie's record!

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

GOP Battling Kagan

Kagan, Republicans no locked into Chicken/Egg question, always one of the worst.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Pistole Sworn In

Pistole sworn in as head of NRA..I'm sorry, that Should be TSA!

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Check May Be In The Mail

BP claims: Not everyone will get paid, but at least ten percent guaranteed!

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Army Admits Wrongs

Army admits 'unimaginable, unacceptable wrongs' at Arlington Cemetery. Apologizes to soldier's families, owners of pets in bizarre mix-up!

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Take A Slime Out Of Crime!

BP announce that they have plans to get rid of safety watchdog, McGrease!

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Bieber Claims He's Not Dead, Brains!!

Justin Bieber confirms: I'm not dead! "That was a female impersonator!

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Hair Loss Gene Found

Hair loss gene identified. Goes by the name of "Levi" say researchers.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Creating Quite A Buzz!

Whole army of protesters show up on the Gulf Coast, armed with vuvuzelas!

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Showing Signs Of Losing Less Money!

GM sales up 11% in June. However, in June of 2009, they were down 75%.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

"Yes, No, No, Yes!"

Pro and anti-Kagan voices to be heard, all at the same time in big Final Round of Supreme Court today!"

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Alex Still A Threat

Weaker Alex still a threat. He's older but can still out-think most Jeopardy contestants.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

ACLU Issues Alert

ACLU issues travel alerts for Arizona: "If you are an illegal alien or simply a terrorist, I'd avoid prejudice group in Arizona."

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Why Not Before?

Largest oil skimmer arrives in Gulf...only two months late.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Bite A Ship Into!

'Sea monster' teeth found in Peru believed to be that of the Peuvian Leviathan!

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Houses Not Selling

California homeowner: It was our houses sliding off the cliffs, now it's our home sales."

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Making Lemonade

Entrepreneur Florida brothers selling 'oil-spill water' as souvenir.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

My Toyota......

Now has an engine problem!

written by Proffitt, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Rest Of Us In The Middle

Biden Compares Republicans to Nazis. Palin compares Democrats to Stalin!

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Prince Charles Forgets To Duck

Prince Charles Defends His Involvement in Architecture Dispute, after colorful language issued after hitting his head!


written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Kagan Closed-Mouth

Specter to Kagan: 'You Haven't Answered Much of Anything'. Kagan: "I'm following procedure."

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Larry King Gone

Larry King ends show on CNN due to age, CNN expected to replace him with Betty White!

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Tiger Loses Again

Tiger's Wife Gets $750M, Kids in Tiger Woods Divorce. Tiger gets the graphite shaft.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Avoiding Further Stimulus!

Fed Officials Express Caution on Outlook, Avoid Talk of Further Stimulus...unless it involves alcohol.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Standing Room Only!

Now Ryanair wants to sell tickets to STAND UP and fly: Airline to charge £4 for 'vertical seating'. Will charge extra for standing behind 'babe'

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Hard To Get To Bathrooms

Now Ryanair wants to sell tickets to STAND UP and fly: Airline to charge £4 for 'vertical seating'.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Stay The Coarse?

General Petraeus wisely stays the course in Afghanistan. "Why mess with something that has been going on for 2,000 years?"

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Blood Curdling!

Researchers seek Little Miss Muffets for fear study. Plan to release 10,000 tarantulas!

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Woo hoo, I've got a semi! Says a jubilant Serena Williams

The excited tennis star expects to go all the way.

written by Thibarine, 01 July 2010
Rating:

He Was A Hairy Man

Lock of Napoleon's hair sells for $13,000. 10,000 lock of Elvis sold for $100 by Nigeria.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Could Be Dangerous

Vengeful new militant group, "Lets Kill Everybody" emerges in Pakistan!

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Treetop Tour

Md. ski resort adds zip line for treetop tours as those on new speed slope really hauling ass!

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Free Buffett Concerts

Free shows continue by Jimmy Buffett along Alabama coast, although he admits he's growing tarred.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Rise In Penis Proceedures

SAfrica sees rise in post-circumcision breaths. I'm sorry, that should be post-circumcision deaths.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Google Adds Personal Touch

Google adds a personal touch to its news section. Includes 50% of all US naked baby photos.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Makes Horse Sense

Unusual 17th-century Dutch horse burial site found right next to tulip bulb burial ground.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Indonesia Losing Glacier

Indonesia's last glacier will melt within years. Is Bill Clinton next?

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Good At Stopping Things

President Obama appeals to US newspapers and magazines for help ion oil leak. "They've sure stopped readership!"

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Sounds Familiar

NZ carbon price system hikes household costs. May be adopted by US. "Paying a lot more should leave more money to spend & help US economy", stated Total idiot.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

"We Almost Goofed!"

Swiss team postpones solar plane night flight after discovering there's no sun rays at night.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Japanese Saki Conferernce

Business confidence in Japan at 2-year high, with new Saki recipe!

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Toyota Recalls 270,000

Toyota says 270,000 vehicles have faulty engines. "But less than 10% expected to suddenly burst into flame.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Obama: Time To Tackle The Next Problem

In speech, Obama to argue for immigration overhaul, now that unemployment, wars, gun-laws, oil spill mess is over.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Byrd To Lie

Byrd to lie in repose in his beloved Senate, in the east wing.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

China Invite Changes

China said Thursday that U.S. Defense Secretary Robert Gates is welcome to visit at an appropriate time, just weeks after it rejected a proposed trip by him. Needed time to hide leaded products.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Still Open-Minded But Closed Mouthed

SPIN METER: What happened to the Kagan standard? Becomes ninth straight justice to allow power to go th their enlarged heads.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Al Gore Changing To B. Clinton As We Watch!

Portland police re-opening Gore investigation on his attack on masseuse, Demanding global warming to his crotch.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Training Continues

AZ to release immigration training plan for cops, storm troopers!

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

A Sad Song On The Wind

BP Oil spill bringing sad music towards pristine white sand beaches, citizens, workers. "Sounds like Brahms Symphony #1 (1 Mov, part 1)," say most.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Benefits Denied

1.3 million unemployed won't get benefits restored. Plan 1.3 million unemployed march on Washington.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Been Fighting A Long Time

Petraeus briefs NATO on Afghan mission. "Could take another millenium or two."

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

B1 Bombers Retiring

U.S. Air Force Considers B-1 Bomber Fleet's Retirement. May be moved to children's playground areas all over the US.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Genie Out Of Lamp

Gun law challenges likely after high court ruling as Texas, Kentucky pass home anti-tank protection use in self-defense.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Ay Chiwawa !

Hurricane Alex drenches Mexico's northern coast. Stench of oil, oil company execs filling pants, even coming in here", say town mayors.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

No Longer A Shortage

AP IMPACT: Millions of vaccine doses to be burned. Government blames over-coverage by press, especially 1,000 articles on TheSpoof scaring the shit out of people.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Better Be Ready For Demonstrators

BP spill nears a somber record as Gulf's biggest. BP exes near a sober record.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Judge Kagan What If You're Approved Today?

Kagan on way to Supreme Court confirmation. "I'm going to Disney World!"

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

The Driver's Triangle

Deadly stretch of I-65 focus of scrutiny. "Triangle linked to nearby witches caves.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Expect An Offer In 5-10 Years..I'd Take It

Home sales steadily decreasing. Some have been on the market so long they've collapsed from rot.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

It Could Happen To Anyone

Toyota says 270,000 vehicles have faulty engines. Nothing serious, just mixed regular motors with hybrids.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Serves Theives Right

Toyota says 270,000 vehicles have faulty engines, runaway breaks, catch on fire! Remember we're the top stolen car in the U.S.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

He's A Mean Motor Scooter & A Bad Go-Getter

Jenny Thompson, who won eight Olympic gold medals in an illustrious swimming career, said Wed. that she was hit in the face by thieves out to get her motor scooter on Monday. Alley Oop suspected.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Mn. Man Pleads Guilty

Minn. man pleads guilty to threatening Obama. Number 257 to attempt to kick his ass over Gulf mess.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Old Fire Bug Finally Arrested

Calif. man arrested for causing 1925 forest fire on DNA evidence. Wheeled away from nursing home while throwing matches at people,

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Bear Facts

Bear in first recorded Ky. attack still at large. First in the United States since the "Goldilock's Massacre"

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Brings Family Shame

Bear in first recorded Ky. attack still at large. Sadly, most bear attacks in Kentucky go unreported.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Need Some B-1's?

U.S. Air Force Considers B-1 Bomber Fleet's Retirement. Could be sold to highest bidder.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

But Could Be Innocent, Argues ACLU

Spy suspects had interests in science, finance, weapons, US defense, ricin.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Courts Bogged Down

Gun law challenges likely after high court ruling as over 100 lawsuits, counter-suits being prepared at taxpayer's expense

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Kagan Dances Forward

Kagan on her way towards High Court confirmation does the Dipsy Doodle down the hallway.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Alex A Mess

Hurricane Alex downgraded to Category 1 storm, category 3 Oil Dispenser!

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Andy Murray warning!

Rafael Nadal = Anal Fear Lad

written by queen mudder, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Oil Spill Record

BP spill nears a somber record as Gulf's biggest blunder ever!

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

It's Settled

Wife gets $750 Million, their two kids, Tiger gets shit, in divorce settlement.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Senior Citizens - New Government Proposals

Ministers today revealed that they will eventually have to work until they are 85, those opting for an extension until they are 109 will be offered an automatic place in the House of Lords.

written by Inchcock, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Amber waves of grain

White police sergeant, black Harvard professor share responsibility for outcome of confrontation last year, says report by committee - who only reached the decision after sitting down for beers.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Larry King Hangs Up Suspenders

Larry King hangs up suspenders as talk show ends. Gets hung up in suspenders as pants fall off when going out the door at CNN.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Prejean To Marry

Ex-Miss California Prejean to wed NFL player. Lottery will be held on TV!

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Maggots Threaten Plane

Maggots force plane back to gate in Atlanta. "Could have turned into flies and flew into a motor", says pilot

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Beware Arizona

ACLU issues warnings for travel to Arizona: "You won't see any illegal aliens working there to piss you off!"

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Banks To Try Other Ploys

Overdraft rule change may end up costing you as banks will make up difference, such slipping you $2 instead of $20's.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Animal Workers Refuse To Clean Al Gore

Major Hurricane could bring tar balls into Texas, entire southern US. Illegal aliens flee south.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Tar Balls Make You Sterile

Hurricane Alex spreads thousands of tar balls across Gulf. "My husband is sterile and we are on our honeymoon", laments 76-year-old virgin!

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

You Have TAR BALLS!

Hurricane Alex spreads tar balls across Gulf. "Worse than the Swine flu", say male victims!

written by Bureau, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Lunch is on Us

The ACLU announced today that the organization will be relocating all their offices to the state of Arizona. The 49 other states offered to pack them lunches for the journey!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 01 July 2010
Rating:

The Greatest Fib Ever Told

Candidate Obama: "I will not raise middle class taxes, let me be clear about that, I will not raise your middle class taxes one dime!" IRS is trying to figure out how many dimes are in $750 billion!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 01 July 2010
Rating:

It Does flow Uphill

Maryland County Executive asks Maryland Governor who asks President Obama for stimulus money to pay for Porta-Potties in county public parks. Never thought you would see s**t flow uphill, did you?

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Food Police Plan to Sue over Toys in Kids Meals

Food police ran into trouble as fast food restaurant lawyers & 200 million Americans filed briefs saying stay out of our lives! Angry parents also indicated where food police should stuff the toys!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 01 July 2010
Rating:

Bon Voyage

FBI apprehends a group, allegedly trying to cause the San Andreas Fault to rupture around San Francisco. The group leader claims they just wanted to launch the "Good Ship Pelosi" & her liberal crew!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 01 July 2010
Rating:

President Obama the Economist

President Obama bases his US taxing and spending policies and rosy economic forecasts on Haruspicy! (Haruspicy is the ancient practice of reading the entrails of sacrificed animals.)

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 01 July 2010
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