There were 2,731 spoof news snippets published in July 2010. A selection of the best rated snippets is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.

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Rating:

Beautiful Garden State News: Burlington City

Burlington City: The City continues to be divided; the north side continues to be a Section 8 mecca, while the south side is inhabited by people in million dollar homes to afraid to walk the streets.

written by anthonyrosania, 05 July 2010
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Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

We're just about to invade a Canadian town called Sandwich. Hope we invade the towns of Free Hookers and Inexpensive Whiskey next!

written by anthonyrosania, 05 July 2010
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Beautiful Garden State News: Burlington Township

Burlington: Senator Diane Allen celebrates what brought her to politics: "It's been 25 years since WCAU decided I was too fat to be a news anchor, because my head wouldn't fit on screen.

written by anthonyrosania, 05 July 2010
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Iphone is not used correctly.

Man tries to make call on iPhone.Apple explains that iPhone is only to be used to play Rock Band and to impress chicks.

written by anthonyrosania, 04 July 2010
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Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

Stationed at Gettyburg, freezing our 18th century asses off! "No, don't bring extra shoes," Washington said. Thanks for nothing!

written by anthonyrosania, 04 July 2010
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Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

"These are the times that try men's souls," wrote Thomas Paine, while our army was on the retreat. I say nuke the Tories!!!

written by anthonyrosania, 03 July 2010
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Lindsay Lohan Going to Jail!

Lindsay Lohan will be spending a lot of time with women who will take advantage of her, try to get her to do drugs and possess contraband. And, after her going away party, she's going to jail.

written by anthonyrosania, 07 July 2010
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Lindsay Lohan Nominated for Daytime Emmy

Lindsay Lohan nominated for a Daytime Emmy for her performance at her pre-sentencing of a piece entitled, "I just wanted to say that as far as I knew I was being in compliant with, um, my program."

written by anthonyrosania, 07 July 2010
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Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

Yay!!! The Tories planned to take over Philadelphia by attacking near 5th and Market, but sh-tty parking has prevented it.

written by anthonyrosania, 04 July 2010
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Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

General Howe attacked New York City, driving our troops back to Harlem. Great. Send a bunch of armed white people to Harlem.

written by anthonyrosania, 03 July 2010
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Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

Just saw the Minutemen firing at the Tories with muskets. F--k that, I'm bringin' my 9 and my AK, yo

written by anthonyrosania, 03 July 2010
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Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

Some of our army is going up north to defend Canada. WHY?!?

written by anthonyrosania, 03 July 2010
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Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

Officials say that dry conditions, along with the hot air delivered by politicians, join to make the borough ripe for forest fires. Says Governor: "Let that sh-thole burn! Now, where's my lunch?

written by anthonyrosania, 04 July 2010
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Beautiful Garden State News: Roselle

Roselle Borough residents will be celebrating the fact that Roselle was the first to be lighted by electric lights. Whoo-hoo. A lightbulb festival. God, Roselle sucks.

written by anthonyrosania, 04 July 2010
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Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

I hate Ben Franklin. "Oh, look at me, girls! I flew a kite with a key on it."

written by anthonyrosania, 04 July 2010
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Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

I can deal with Tories occupying our land, I can deal with taxation without representation, but soccer as our national sport? Soccer? Never!

written by anthonyrosania, 03 July 2010
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Beautiful Garden State News: Summit.

Summit leads NJ in a-holes! According to the 2010 census, 45,235 a-holes live there, and they all drive blue Volvos and screw up traffic on route 22.

written by anthonyrosania, 04 July 2010
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Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

My wife must have found out that I applied to fight for the Colonies, because she referred to me as a Minuteman today. Also, is that the oldest joke ever??

written by anthonyrosania, 03 July 2010
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Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

Just read the book, "The Patroit." I can imagine this being made into a play, perhaps starring an Australian racist and an Australian drug addict.

written by anthonyrosania, 03 July 2010
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Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

General Washington unsuccessful getting Indians to fight for our cause. Let's deport them back to India.

written by anthonyrosania, 03 July 2010
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Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

The" Treaty of F-k You England, Everything From Canada To Mexico is Ours, Ours, OURS! Bwah Hah Hah" is being shortened to "Treaty of Paris," which is much easier.

written by anthonyrosania, 03 July 2010
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Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

Spain successfully expelled the Tories from Southern Florida. They don't seem to be in a rush to leave. I can't imagine Spanish -speaking people in South Florida, though.

written by anthonyrosania, 03 July 2010
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Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

Those a--hole French! They won't allow uf to fly over their airfpace. Thank God the airplane wasnt invented yet!

written by anthonyrosania, 03 July 2010
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Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

General Washington said he is going to be on TV tonight, on Larry King Live. Whatever the hell TV is.

written by anthonyrosania, 03 July 2010
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Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

For their help with our War of Revolution, France must always be remembered as the most courageous nation on Earth. France is synonymous with "Never Surrender!"

written by anthonyrosania, 03 July 2010
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Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

King George III is a total dick. "We ask too much." All we want is Parliamentary representation and season 3 of "Fry and Laurie" on Blu-Ray.

written by anthonyrosania, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

King George III is a total dick. "We ask too much." All we want is Parliamentary representation and season 3 of "Fry and Laurie" on Blu-Ray.

written by anthonyrosania, 03 July 2010
Rating:

Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

Just wrote to George III; oh, excuse me: ""George the Third, by the Grace of God, King of Great Britain, France, and Ireland, Defender of the Faith, and so forth" Pompous ass.

written by anthonyrosania, 03 July 2010
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Toby Keith's Secret About Natalie Maines

Toby Keith says he still believes that Dixie Chicks lead singer Natalie Maines has a pecker.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 03 July 2010
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Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

General Washington unsuccessful getting Indians to fight for our cause. We should give them blankets infected with smallox.

written by anthonyrosania, 03 July 2010
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Jay Leno - The Man With Half a Dozen Chins

Jay Leno said that he missed three days of work last week because he had a chin infection. Since he is up in age Leno is seriously considering having a chin transplant.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 July 2010
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The Home Wrecker Known As LeAnn Rimes

LeAnn Rimes says that she does not appreciate being labeled as a 'home wrecker.' Okay Rimes, then how about if everyone just calls you a 'marriage destroyer' instead?

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 July 2010
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Statistics are invariably flawed

Say 86% of statisticians.

written by Skoob1999, 15 July 2010
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Just Kidding

Japanese scientists have now created a digital camera with such a fast speed that it's now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth shut.

written by Spicewood, 08 July 2010
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New Breakfast Cereal for Impotent Men

Marketed as "Nut & Raisin Honey", this new breakfast cereal will put a little 'Gitty Up' in your Droopy Dangle.

written by P.M. Wortham, 15 July 2010
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Paula Abdul - The New Hannah Montana???

Paula Abdul is so desperate for an acting job that she even applied to take Miley Cyrus place as the new Hannah Montana. She was of course, turned down. The director said she was too short.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 July 2010
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And Now The Unretired, Retired, Unretired Brett Favre

Brett Favre says he is so confused that he cannot remember if he retired and needs to unretire or if he has not retired and needs to retire.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 July 2010
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Condoleezza Rice Says She Is Not A Lesbian

Condoleezza Rice denies that she is a lesbian, but adds that she would not mind having Sandra Bullock suck her lips.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 03 July 2010
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Is It Britney or Is It Memorex?

Britney Spears says that if she is offered a new concert tour she promises not to lip sync.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 July 2010
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Kanye West Is Sure One Messed Up Brother

Kanye West said he has become traumatized due to the Taylor Swift microphone stealing incident. He says that whenever he sees a microphone he curls up in the fetal position and yells out 'Mommy.'

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 July 2010
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Richard Ramirez to Have Pioneering Face Transplant

To avoid mock-sensitive members of some discussion forums taking offence even at The Night Stalkers image; Ramirez is getting a face transplant. As of July, he will be depicted as a cute little bunny.

written by Jeremy Paxman, 02 July 2010
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80% 0f Western heterosexual males can't tell the difference between Thai ladyboys and real women

The other twenty percent declined to comment.

written by Skoob1999, 15 July 2010
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Liverpool Lose Pre Season Friendly 1-0 In Germany

Hardly surprising. But we here at Skoob News didn't laugh. We didn't! Honest!

written by Skoob1999, 25 July 2010
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The KKK Has Denied Mel Gibson Membership

The Ku Klux Klan said that Mel Gibson applied for membership but they turned him down stating the man is unbalanced, crazy, and one damn friggin racist.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 July 2010
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70% Of Women Feel Sexy When Their Underarms Feel Fresh

Eastern Europe undecided.

written by Skoob1999, 15 July 2010
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That Tom Cruise Is Really and Truly One Short Little Dude

Lovely Legs Magazine has stated that Stacy Keibler's legs are longer than Tom Cruise's entire body.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 July 2010
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Ozzy Osbourne - The Rock and Roll Icon Truly Needs An Interpreter

Rock and Roll icon Ozzy Osbourne was interviewed by Rolling Stone Magazine and asked what his favorite all-time song is and the Prince of Darkness replied, "Ahhh, uggg, ummm, faaa, yeppp."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 July 2010
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Irishman In Fight

Says he wouldn't have done it if people had just left him alone.

written by Skoob1999, 25 July 2010
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Glenn Beck Is A Closet Nazi

Glenn Beck has admitted that he has a "Nazi's Rule" tattoo on his ass.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 03 July 2010
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Moat Surrounds Castle!

Historians say that moats often surround castles. However police have still not managed to surround Raoul Moat, a dangerous killer hiding in woods. Police say, "There are no castles in the vicinity!"

written by IN SEINE, 08 July 2010
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Ann "Trigger Face" Coulter Plans on Having Liposuction

Ann "Trigger Face" Coulter plans on having liposuction. She says doctors plan on going into her stomach and removing two pounds of oats, barley, and hay.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 July 2010
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America's Got Talent Rejects (#1)

AGT Rejects The Rico Twins, Vin and Min, who played tubas while wearing sock puppets on their ding dongs. Mandel said it wasn't appropriate for kids. Morgan said it wasn't appropriate for adults.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 July 2010
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...And The Winners Are Joan and Melissa Rivers

Joan Rivers and daughter Melissa Rivers have just been named Mom & Daughter Magazine's "Most Unattractive Mother and Daughter in America."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 July 2010
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Britney Spears Wants To Show Off Her Vagina Real Soon

Britney Spears says she is seriously thinking about showing off her vagina so people can forget about Miley Cyrus' vagina.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 03 July 2010
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Paul the Psychic Octopus found Dead

After failing to make a correct prediction of Holland to win the 2010 FIFA World Cup, Paul the Psychic Octopus has been found strung up by his tentacles.

written by IN SEINE, 11 July 2010
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The Amazing Secret About Joan Rivers G-Spot

Joan Rivers admitted to Larry King that her G-Spot fell off 17 years ago.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 July 2010
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Alicia Keys Reveals Her Language Hangup

New York girl Alicia Keys says she is so infatuated with NYC that anytime she goes anywhere else she truly misses hearing people cuss in 29 different languages.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 July 2010
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Adam Lambert Reveals His Biggest Problem

Adam Lambert has explained that his biggest problem these days is whether to wear blue eye shadow or green eye shadow.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 July 2010
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Susan Boyle Will Not Be Singing On The Island of Japan

Susan Boyle said that the reason she turned down an offer to tour Japan was because she hates chopsticks.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 17 July 2010
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Jessica Simpson Is Still Pining Like Hell For Cowboy Quarterback Tony Romo

Jessica Simpson was asked if she still misses her ex-boyfriend Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo. Jess replied that she does, but then she goes to sleep.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 17 July 2010
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Adam Lambert Says That Elton John Is Extremely Gay (Duh!)

Adam Lambert was recently asked if he thought that he was gayer than Elton John. Lambert laughed and said that not even Elton John was gayer than THE Elton John.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 17 July 2010
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America's Got Talent Rejects (#5)

AGT Rejects Sarah Biffy, the 91-year-old woman who could not stop crying as she sang "Don't Cry For Me Argentina" in Yiddish. Sharon Osbourne said she just plain messed up the stage something awful.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 July 2010
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America's Got Talent Rejects (#3)

AGT Rejects Chauncey Blitzheimer and his skateboard riding turtle Timmy who did real good until he fell off the skateboard and then it took him 55 minutes to get back on.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 July 2010
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Kanye West Says He's Leaving The Country For Good...Good!

Kanye West has reportedly said that he wants to move to the South Pole where no one knows what a dumb, stupid, piece of penguin poop he is.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 July 2010
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The Never Before Know Intimate Secret Regarding Sharon Osbourne's Crotch

America's Got Talent judge Sharon Osbourne has admitted that 20 years ago during a particularly rough lovemaking session, her husband Ozzy accidentally rubbed off her G-spot.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 July 2010
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Firewalker Uses British Rail Excuse

When nine people on a motivational exercise were badly burnt by walking on hot coals in Italy yesterday, their teacher used the old British Rail excuse: "THEY USED THE WRONG TYPE OF WOOD!"

written by IN SEINE, 08 July 2010
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Living with Snakes Record Attempt

A Sussex carpenter is to try and break the world record by living with venomous snakes for over 4 months. However, ex-Prime Minister, Tony Blair claims to have lived with over 600 venomous snakes for 10 years.

written by IN SEINE, 08 July 2010
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Psychic Octopus gets new job!

Now that the World Cup is almost over, Paul, 'The Psychic Octopus', from Germany has landed a dream job - reading palms - 8 at a time. You gotta hand it to him!

written by IN SEINE, 08 July 2010
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Goldman Sachs Bans Cursing in E-Mails

Oh, they can still rip people off, but they have to do it without uttering bad words.

written by Charpa93, 31 July 2010
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Where Are They Now? Condoleezza Rice

Condoleezza Rice, who was George Bush's secretary of state, was last seen outside of Oprah Winfrey's Chicago mansion muttering "Hey let's me in Miss Oprah, I be a black gal just like you be."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 July 2010
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LeAnn Rimes, Madonna, and Amy Winehouse To Record An Album

LeAnn Rimes, Madonna, and Amy Winehouse are going to be recording an album. The album is tentatively titled, Three Friggin' Bitches From Hell.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 July 2010
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Chris Brown's Tears Were of The Fake Variety

Chris Brown admits that the tears he shed on the BET Awards Show were in fact fake. He did say that the evil laugh, however, was very real.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 July 2010
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The Famous Model Formerly Known As Amanda Beard

Model Amanda Beard says that she is so tired of hearing the smart aleck jokes about her last name that she has decided to change her name to Amanda Goatee.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 July 2010
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Kent Wells & Llandrindod Wells Are Not Related

Kent Wells is BP's senior vice president of exploration and production.
Whereas Llandrindod Wells is a spa town in Wales.

written by IN SEINE, 17 July 2010
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America's Got Talent Rejects (#4)

AGT rejects The Valivindi Sisters, May and June who played "Lady of Spain" on their accordions, which they had lit on fire. Piers Morgan said that it was good, but he has seen it done before...twice.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 July 2010
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Britney Spears Has Lent Mel "From Hell" Gibson Her Shoulder

Britney Spears says that her and Mel Gibson are just good friends and if he dares to even think about cussing or yelling at her she will kick him in his Australian onions in a Sydney second.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 July 2010
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The Real Reason Why Donnie Osmond Turned Down The Opportunity To Portray Jesse James

Donnie Osmond was to star in The Sad Story of Sandra Bullock and Jesse James but couldn't because he learned that he is allergic to tattoos.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 July 2010
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Chaz Bono, The Guy Formerly Known As The Girl Chastity Bono

Chaz Bono, the fatty formerly known as Chastity Bono, was asked what the best part of being a man is. He replied, "Oh that's an easy one. The fact that I get to scratch my crotch for no damn reason."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 July 2010
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Where The Heck Is The Still-Unemployed Lou Dobbs?

Ex-CNN talk show host Lou Dobbs, who got to where he was sticking his foot in his mouth two or three times a week, says that his unemployment benefits are getting ready to run out.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 July 2010
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Oil Leak Finally Capped Temporarily

BP says the cap is holding the oil at bay but not sure if the oil underneath is going someplace else. There are reports today of oil gushing from geysers at Yellowstone Park. No connection they say.

written by Charpa93, 16 July 2010
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The Food in Upper Shambutu Is Kind of on The Different Side

The International Food Federation wants to stress to some of the third world countries (again) that dust and lint are not considered a part of the four basic food groups.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 July 2010
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Lady Gaga Says She Is Not Christina Aguilera

Lady Gaga says she is sick and tired of people confusing her with Christina Aguilera. Gaga says that anyone can clearly see that she (Lady G) is way, way much nastier, vulgar, and richer.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 July 2010
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Italy Is Doing Away With The Politics of Politics

The Global Political Movement League is looking into the charges that Italy wants to replace its political parties with All-You-Can-Eat Pizza Parties.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 July 2010
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Sarah Palin Repudiates Her Twitter Messages

Sarah Palin today repudiated the fact that she asked Muslims in New York to refudiate the mosque being planned in close proximity to the ground zero site. She refused to refute she couldn't spell.

written by Charpa93, 20 July 2010
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America's Got Talent Rejects (#2)

AGT rejects Woody and his amazing tap dancing rooster, Cuddles. Although the rooster was actually quite talented, one could see that his heart just wasn't in it.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 July 2010
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Brett Favre and His Ongoing Game of Musical Retirement Chairs

Minnesota Vikings quarterback, the unretired, retired, unretired Brett Favre says that the Green Bay Packers organization called and want to retire his Green Bay Packers jock strap.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 27 July 2010
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Just When You Think People Are Getting Smarter

'You've Been Framed' comes on the telly. Why do they do it? Why?

written by Skoob1999, 24 July 2010
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If There's One Thing That The Scottish Songstress Susan Boyle Can't Stand It's...

Susan Boyle was going to schedule a concert in Brazil but remembered that she hates nuts.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 27 July 2010
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Bristol and Levi Decide to "Do the Right Thing"

Brstol Palin and Levi Johnston announced today that they are ready to do the right thing regardless of what Sarah says. They are voting for a Progressive Democrat in the next Presidential election.

written by Charpa93, 18 July 2010
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Sarah Palin's Boobs & Butt

Sarah Palin has denied having breast augmentation but has admitted to having her butt lifted so that now it is located exactly where it should be.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 03 July 2010
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Where Are They Now? Donald Rumsfeld

Donald Rumsfeld, the former secretary of defense during the George W. Bush administration, was recently rejected as a contestant on America's Got Talent. He appeared billed as "The Lying Comedian."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 July 2010
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Where Are They Now? Lou Dobbs

Lou Dobbs is in Yuma, Arizona hiding from the Mexican Drug Cartels who have vowed to find him and turn him into a soprano.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 July 2010
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Bad headline number 62:

Cemetery Allows People to be Buried by Their Pets

written by IN SEINE, 16 July 2010
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The Kanye West - Taylor Momsen Relationship

Kanye West is reportedly dating Taylor Momsen. Which makes them a great pair, since one steals microphones and the other steals Miley Cyrus's act.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 27 July 2010
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The Former Singer Known As Madonna and Her Cure For Cellulite

Madonna's ex-maid has said that the former singer is so obsessed with cellulite that she has been known to cover her thighs with duct tape.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 27 July 2010
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The Hazards of Eating Uncooked Kenyan Baboon Breasts

The World Citizens Health Organization has stressed to the citizens of Kenya that eating uncooked baboon breasts can make a man sterile and a woman lazy.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 July 2010
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Lions Are Not Vegetarians

The Order of International Food Ingredients has finally admitted that yes food consumers may find traces of zebra balls in some of their lion steaks.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 July 2010
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Where Are They Now? Barry Bonds

Ex-baseball great Barry Bonds is working as a bouncer at a gay sports bar in San Francisco.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 July 2010
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Russian Spy Anna Chapman's Most Unusual Secret Camera Hiding Place

The gorgeous Russian spy Anna Chapman has revealed that one of her favorite hiding places for her secret camera was in her crotch where the camera was disguised as a clitoris.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 09 July 2010
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The Real Sarah Palin That Lives Inside of The Real Tina Fey

Tina Fey says that she first realized how much she had gotten into the Sarah Palin character when one morning she woke up and wanted to go out and stalk, shoot, skin, and eat a caribou.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 09 July 2010
« Jun 2010 July 2010 Aug 2010 »
Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun
 
1st
96
2nd
32
3rd
91
4th
100
5th
87
6th
97
7th
96
8th
81
9th
103
10th
70
11th
69
12th
127
13th
96
14th
114
15th
100
16th
85
17th
123
18th
97
19th
93
20th
68
21st
49
22nd
59
23rd
80
24th
66
25th
95
26th
68
27th
114
28th
87
29th
100
30th
97
31st
91
 

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