Order by:
Rating:

Is Geithner an "Inside Plant" for Goldman Sachs?


Hint: He Got a "high five" from Traitor Paulson upon arrival.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Rating:

US Fighter Jets Scramble to Pasenger Jet Rucus 2nd Time in Two Days

Only a matter of time until they shoot one down just for the thrill of it!

written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Rating:

O'Bama Unveils $ 3 B for "Green Jobs"

$2.8 B of which will go for changing light bulbs in all government buildings.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Rating:

A Motto for All!

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal labotomy!

written by Jeanlovesyoulongtime, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Screwed As Usual

President says richest Americans should pay 50% taxes but we know that they'll hide it so everyone pays 25% that earn over $25,000.

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Need For Shared Info!

Top Pentagon commander meets troops in Afghanistan. "You guys over here? Thought you were headed back to Baghdad. Yemen? Washington tells me nothing. Somebody place a call to President Clinton."

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Here's Your Prescription

NY doctors ordered to translate drug instructions into Spanish, French, Russian, Chinese and English. Doctors say they have been doing that for years, don't anyone ever read these?

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Slow News Day for the Daily Telegraph

The Daily Telegraph online reports its most viewed story is "Man's Pen Is removed from Pipe" in the meantime, he had to use a pencil to work it out.

written by IN SEINE, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Copied Story Word For Word

It was announced this morning that the Xerox Company is being sued for plagiarism.

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Battle For New Viewers!

Katie Couric and Diane to duke it out live on ABC/CBS special. "Couric warned to watch out for Diane's "Kentucky mule kick".

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Obama Getting Full Cooperation

US FBI headquarters claims they tried to share documents with CIA but CIA says they did not. Did So! Did NOT! Pot full of snot! You ate it and I did not!

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Yucca Yuk Yuk

Former President Bush claims all his White House records have been stored at Yucca Mountain, for their safety.

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Bookies Refuse To Pay

Designer 'wins' £7million betting on white Christmas... but bookies REFUSE to pay out. Claim assets are frozen.

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Pakistan Player, Officials Fined

Pakistan hockey player and two team officials fined for hugging a woman and drinking beer, playing in hockey.

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Teacher Shows Roomful Of Confiscated Weaponry

Boy, 4, becomes youngest pupil to be expelled as teachers could not cope with 'challenging behavior' of bringing loaded weapons to school, eating live mice.

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Aussies break diplomatic ties with India because of a racist cartoon!

An Indian tabloid printed a cartoon depicting Aussie cops as KKK racists. Australia have decided to break diplomatic ties, but think the unform is "quite nice," Aussie cops are now wearing KKK hoodies

written by Jaggedone, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Accusers, Simon & Garfunkle

MP Iris Robinson, 60, had affair with 19-year-old toyboy. "Where have you gone, Mrs. Robinson?........"


written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

"Read It In Classic Mystery Once"

Two arrested after police follow footprints from break-in... right to suspects' front door. Suspects claims real burglars walked backwards from his house to throw blame on them.


written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Pilots Persevere

Most passengers forced to leave luggage behind at Heathrow as ice prevents planes from being unloaded, while those boarding can't get their luggage loaded. However, pilot unloads, gets loaded.

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Israel: Mind Reading Systems Will Change Air Security

The systems, designed to detect even the slightest darting of eyes, increased heartbeat, or even a nervous twitch quickly identify all those to be re-routed to GITMO.

It's a Wonderful Life!

written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Pure Rubbish

Families face THIRD WEEK with no rubbish collection as deep freeze brings Britain to a halt. "No morgue vehicles either", states one. "And grandpa frozen solid out back."


written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Better Watch Those 13-Year-Olds

Ex-soldier, 41, who had sex with 13-year-old girl spared jail as woman judge says teenager 'did most of the running'. 'Same here!' says Roman Polanski!

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Harman Avoids Ban

Fury as Harriet Harman avoids drive ban after crashing car while talking on mobile phone. "I deserve at least one mulligan", she stated.

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Giuliani: O'Bomba Has "turned the Corner" on Terrorism

Meaning O'Bomba now has a war machine stock portfolio like all other elected politicians that depend on a perpetual war for high returns.

Latest Report: O'Bomba "sees" Al-Quaida - China Connection

written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Rating:

US Troops Find Huge Stash of Opium, Cocaine Near Kabul

The astonished troops, immediately began smiling and signing "W'ere Gonna Get High, High, High...........

written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Rating:

US Jobs Report Shows Skills Mismatch Amongst Unemployed

The Report says over 20,000,000 workers recently laid off, have skill sets that "produce nothing" and with only demands from the world that the US "produce something", they are shit out of luck!

written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Rating:

US Economy Loses Another 100,000 Jobs

No Problem. The O'Bomba plan calls for another 100,000 TSA Security Agents to be hired to conduct triple redundancy pat down checks on all airline passengers, including underwear checks.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Joseph Lieberman's Ratings Tanking in Connecticut

Following a National Trend going on for over Twenty Years.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Why Dems Are Jumping Ship:

With a Super Majority and Nothin' But Failures, Wouldn't You?

Thanks, O'Bomba

written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Rating:

How Many Federal Air Marshalls can u fit on an Airbus?

approximately (n-x), where n equals the number of seats on the airbus, and x is the number of terrorists already seated.

written by Tcoah, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Spain beg for Che Guevara and Pancho Villa to start a revolution!

Flat broke Spain begged Pancho and Che for a "Viva La Revolucion" hoping Spanish youths will join them to murder the royals, democrats, burn the place to the ground and create some new jobs!

written by Jaggedone, 08 January 2010
Rating:

FDA Approvals

FDA drug approvals mostly fat in 2009. I'm sorry, FDA drug approvals mostly flat in 2009.

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Mixing Two Handerchiefs Pretty Rough

Better antiseptic, covering mouth when you sneeze, ass when you fart, curbs post-surgery infections.

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Cold Snap Bites Global Warmers

Experts: Cold snap doesn't disprove global warming. But it doesn't help a whole lot either.

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Earth-Like Planets ?

Astronomers: We could find Earth-like planets soon. Could only take us five generations aboard ship to get there.

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Gate's Fault

Gates, holdover from Bush team, to stay at Defense as Dems need someone to point to during next terrorist event.

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Snow Business

Snow pushes east after flouncing jaunt through Midwest and sashaying through the Southwest.

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

It's a Race - against al-Qaeda and its Affiliates

"Spoon-egg Race", said the President.

written by Tcoah, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Hot To Pot

Drug benefit expanded to 1 million more marijuana smokers. May need to grow more, says Bluegrass state's Senator Bunning.

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Air Security Up!

Obama orders up more air security. Arranges for blimps with radar, telescopes over all major cities.

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Car Shot At

Web site: Iranian opposition leader car shot at. "What could Ahmadinejad possibly have against my car?", asks cleric.

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Economy Loses More Jobs

Economy loses 85K jobs, unemployment rate holding steady but gets the weak trembles from time to time.

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

I Think They May Be Right

Study: Dollar, price of gas linked! Experts say that every time gas goes up, it costs you more dollars.

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Perelman Suit Settled

NY judge: Perelman must pay ex-wife $3.4M to keep her from barking. I'm sorry, that should be 'Perelman must pay ex-wife Barkin $3.4M.

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Leno Back To Late Night

Source: NBC weighing Leno return to late-night. May even get off shit list.

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Gay Goys Uncertain

Portugal Parliament votes to permit gay marriage. Jewish leader gives OK to goy marriages.

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Mountain Top Removal

Scientists call for end to mountaintop removal. "How will climbers ever get to the top?"

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

SWAT Officer Charges

Minneapolis SWAT (Steal Without Any Trouble) officer charged with bank robbery.

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Mind Readers At Airports

Mind-reading systems that could change air security to be headed up Lwaxana Troi.

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

240-Yr-Old Elm Tree To Be Chopped Down

240-year-old Maine elm tree to be chopped down. Has Dutch Elms Disease, too full of sitters over the years.

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Florida Feels Big Chill

Florida's Big Chill: Iguanas drop, manatees huddle, nudists running between buildings, Hillary sun-bathing.

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Justice Gone Wacko

Swiss court fines speeding millionaire $290,000 based on his having $20 million. Meanwhile everyone that's broke were passing him on both sides.

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Back To The Secrets

Obama orders up more air security, intelligence sharing. "If we share with the Taliban, there's no telling what they might share with us."

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Headed Into 2010 Elections

Drug benefit expanded to 1 million more seniors. "That's i million more voters", stated Nancy Pelosi.

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

CNN Opinion: London Breeding Islamic Terrorists

Clinton: Send Unmanned Drones Over London to Take Out Islamic Centers Now.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Are You Lonesome Tonight?

Elvis would have been 75 years old today.

written by Gail Farrelly, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Tavern on the Green Restaurant in NY's Central Park . . .

. . . is not so green after all. Goes bankrupt and closes its doors after 75 years in business.

written by Gail Farrelly, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Kirstie Alley Nearly Killed Exiting Sinking Cruise Ship

The "Oprah 300" was taking on water and passengers were being debarked when 350 lb. Kirstie fell into the ocean. A Japanese Whaling vessel mistook her for a whale and fired a harpoon, just missing.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Desperate Cher Cries: My Face is Falling Apart and I Look like a Corpse!

Roadway Industries, an asphalt paving company has offered to do a surface work over for the one time showgirl.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Gates To Stay On One More Year at Pentagon

But Says Only if O'Bama hides Nobel Peace Prize as the sight of it gives him rabies.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Astronomers: We Could Find Planets Just Like Earth Soon

Let's Hope Not.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Double Agent Deaths Now Common In Afghanistan

Now referred to as the "Daily Double".

written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Rating:

US Defense Contractor Suspended Over Kickbacks

Contractor claims they were "just doing what every other contractor is required to do by well placed US Representatives".

Federal Investigator says "prove it" then retracts his suggestion.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Will Time Travel Be Possible Some Day?

Absolutely. We will just hop right on to the O'Bama Peace Train and "zoom" right into another dimension.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Rating:

AIG Bailout Secrecy Could Mean Geithner Testifies on Hill

Where young Timothy will promptly remind the Congressional Representatives that they are "owned" and are "way beyond their authority, as provided by the Jekyll Island Agreement of 1913".

written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Jay Leno's Future on NBC Up in the Air

Not as high up as his salary, which is in the Stratosphere.

What Goes Up, Must Come Down?

written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Rating:

O'Bama Orders Changes to Fight Terror

From now on, TSA Executives will have to report to work at least one day other than pay day each month.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Feds Seeking More Air Marshalls

Plaxico Burris, Gilbert Arenas Submit Applications claiming fly time with weapons while surrounded by dangerous felons.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Man Charged with Posing As Secret Service Agent

Secret Service Agents charged with pretending to provide White House Security.

All to serve sentences of having to watch all 47 Amy Winehouse concerts without eye protection.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Report on Falied Underwear Bomber Attack Released

Dick Cheney flipped the Rufus a three dollar bill to put some moth balls in his britches and light 'em up, while Cheertoff flipped a TSA security agent another $3 to look the other way.

Slam & Dunk

written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Rating:

O'Bama: The Buck Stops With Me

Geithner: You have exceeded your credit limit, so you have no more buck.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Got Right On It!

In response to President Obama's message for the CIA, FBI, etc to share information, the CIA received all J. Edgar Hoover's information through 1959.

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Rating:

Have Some Respect

North Korea hat they will not have their leader mistaken for a cartoon, though he does love cartoons.

written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
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