Order by:
Rating:

Democrats Rejoice in New Strategy!

All will switch party to GOP, "unifying" America under one royal shithouse.

Rush Limbaugh to be King. Nancy Pelosi, Queen

Barack O'Bomba, Court Jester

written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Pelosi Considers Party Change to GOP: Says O'Bomba Doomed

As the Rats Bail Ship, none faster than the pelosus varmiticus

written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Scott Brown Get Carried Away in Victory Speech

The GOP Rookie, was in rarefied air when he acknowledged a desire to be President and suggested he'd be ready to run in 2010.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Senate GOP and Insurance Industry Offer New Compromise

New Health Care Insurance policies will be available to all residents. Premiums will be capped at $ 1K per month, and will pay 20% of care costs unless claims are filed.

Then you can hire a lawyer.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Rating:

The O'Bomba Rout is On!

Reports of a Mussolini style wagon train forming up outside the White House are coming in; Loyalists are loading up as much gold as can be carted off while Michele O'Bomba loads Government Cheese.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Dies On Operating Table

Man whose heart was accidentally cut out during operation was apparently highly allergic to scalpel and sneezed himself to death.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Weight Watches Collapse Floor

In Sweden, a group attending a Weight Watchers meeting were lined up for a weigh-in when the floor collapsed. The company defended itself by saying that it was "First Night Shakes".

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Men Evolving Faster

According to a new study by researchers at MIT, men are evolving faster than women. They estimate men will reach their level by 2075.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

O'Bomba Concedes on Healthcare

Insurance Companies to Continue Ruling the Roost.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Another Miss

NASA says that a mystery object passed by Earth earlier this week. They're not sure what it was, but it missed the Earth by 80,000 miles so they think it was a North Korean rocket.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

A Few Here, A Few There

Barack Obama continues to reduce number of U.S. troops in Iraq and sending them to Afghanistan, Yemen, Haiti, France.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Not A Good Sign

Those really needing jobs badly urged to learn Hindi, Chinese language.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Didn't See That Before

Not only did President lose a democrat supporter in Minnesota last night, but today the AARP withdrew support of health plan after putting on glasses & reading small print on page 1197.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Big Blue Gone

Big Blue Chess Computer hooked on vodka smell after losing to Russian, goes into Betty Ford Clinic!

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Get Out, Punk

Judge in Cleveland, Ohio murder case has person whose cell phone suddenly blast out "Hang 'Em High" escorted from court.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Obama Lectures Minnesota

President Obama makes surprise visit to Minnesota. "I am deeply disappointed with you. No Work Programs For You!"

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Michele O'Bomba Waxwork Revealed in London

The exact replica was seen being wheeled into place protected by a nicely fitting whiskey barrel

written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Anybody But French, Maybe

Pat Robertson said the earthquake in Haiti happened because they were cursed promising to follow the devil if French forced to leave. Now who's going to believe that you need help with the French?

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Winehouse Pleads Guilty to Assault Charges

Tells Judge "its in my nature to act like a fool"

Judge then the sentences the Shameless Amy to thirty days of community service modeling at the Frankenstein Museum.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Deja Vue All Over Again

China has had its biggest snow fall in over 50 years. There's a picture of a lone dissident in the newpapers this morning, showing him standing in front of a line of snow plows.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Hefner Confesses

Hugh Hefner says that he has not had the life so many people thinks he's had. "My last one hundred blow jobs were on my hot soup."

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Old Man Smell Presistant

Hugh Hefner broke up with his twin girlfriends. They say they will be spending the next month in a sweat lodge.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Only $30 Million

Conan O'Brien is getting $30 million to leave NBC. "That's chickenfeed!" stated George Bush as Laura placed hand over hid mouth.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Taco Bell Found Dies

Monday, the founder of Taco Bell passed away at the age of 86. The family say that services will be held once the corpse quits farting.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Well, Burn My Ass!

Man from Green Party loses his bag of goodies in "Incinolet" mishap. Inconolet is a toilet that incinerates human waste instead of flushing it.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

"Please Stand By"

Some customers getting edgy as many banks closed for the third day for Martin Luther King's birthday.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

"Caleeforee Eebbee Tobotten Nor Ilse!"

California may be next to legalize marijuana for health. Now, not even Maria Shriver will not be able to understand Guv. Schwarzenegger!

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Bad Economy Hits Sports

Professional sports feels the effect of bad economy. Officials, umpires say bribes down nearly 50%.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Brown Takes Kennedy's Seat

Scott Brown, republican who will take Ted Kennedy's seat says the seat smells like bourbon farts.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Leno: Not By The Hair On My Chinny Chin Chin!"

The long hook of vaudeville days comes out and grabs O'Brien during opening monologue.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

More Underwear Smugglers Caught

Over 1,000 people found smuggling stuff in underwear at airports, trying to avoid extra price of luggage. "Are those Nike Runners in there are are you glad to see us?"

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Leno Lake Forming

Terrible Las Angeles thunderstorms, flooding blamed on dark clouds over NBC building.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Watch It Walking On The Sidewalk

Auto Makers agree to alter SUV design for safety on rollovers as new axles will extend wheels out one foot on each side.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Rap Label Softens Image

Rap Record Label "Rape Them All" agrees to cjhange it's name to "Rape and Sing To Them All" which more clearly defines their product.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Flu Vaccine Low

Makers of swine flu vaccine running low again. "We do still have a wide selection for vaccines for the clap!"

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

What's Eating Him?

Man Accused of Cannibalism in Germany a few years ago has third cellmate to go missing. "Has to be a tunnel somewhere."

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Hard Times Ahead

Survey: More people hiding cash, gold, jewelry under mattresses than any time during passed 70 years. Copy of those who responded, $5,000 each.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Nader May Run Again

Ralph Nader Considering Running Again In 2012! "Look what happened when you failed to elect me the last four time! Ask yourself, could it get any worse?"

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Sex-Mad tourists invade South Korea to "make babies"!

The South Koreans have ordered their people to "make babies" Global sex-mad tourists are dashing for Seoul hoping they can be of assistance!

written by Jaggedone, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Five Key O'Bomba Decisions

1. When to Resign
2. How to Tell the Wife the Party is Over
3. What new career to pursue
4. How to find jobs for my buddies as they are now out as well
5. Do I at least still get a Book Deal?

written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Oh Yes She Did Oh no she Did'nt

Amy Winehouse has been charged with assault at a pantomine
Some people say Oh Yes she did others say Oh no she did'nt

written by SPECTRUM, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Coakley Returns to Kennedy Shrine to Pay Tribute!

Martha dropped off a bouquet and a full pint of gin at the Capaquidickk bridge to commemorate her historic senate election loss, and put an end to the 47 year rule by Ted...FINALLY!

written by Morse, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Curt Shilling Talks About Obama!

"He's 0 fer 6 in his last at bats when it counted....I don't think he's ready for the big leagues yet...maybe the Hall of Shame & Copenhagen...but not Fenway Park!

written by Morse, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Mass. Mayor Cadillac Deval Patrick, Selling his Car on EBay!

Responding to Senate vote where truck driving Scott Brown thumped Dems, he opts for a Lincoln Pick Up ...referring to his odd choice, Patrick said,
"whats wrong ...he freed the slaves didn't he?"

written by Morse, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Barney Frank Now Sees the Light!

After having his head up his ass for years looking for Camelot, Barney exclaims, "I never really like the Kennedys..I must have had tunnel vision!"

written by Morse, 20 January 2010
Rating:

New Poll In Chicago Shocks Administration!

9 out of 10 voters now think Blago was not so bad, after all.

written by Morse, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Lieberman Into Pork

Joe Lieberman has sponsored more pork projects than any other independent according to latest survey.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Website To Be Investigated

The Federal government have decided to do full investigation of Insidestocktips.com.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

We're Number One!

The United States Military has once again been voted number one in the polls. The voters stated that they had to consider their difficult schedule.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Man Utd torn apart by massive debts and "Terror Teves"!

Teves came back to haunt Sir Alex last night + the news that Man Utd have increased their debt, a pissed Sir Alex was last seen throwing whisky bottles at a poster of Jose Mourinho!

written by Jaggedone, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Explanation Given For Democrat Loss in Mass. Special Election

ACORN workers could spell and pronounce "Brown," but not "Coakley"

written by Jalapenoman, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Republicans Win Special Senate Election For Ted Kennedy's Seat

Illinois volunteered to bring in their cemetary vote, but election officials frowned on out of state manipulation.

written by Jalapenoman, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Democrats Lose Special Election for Kennedy Senate Seat

The beer keg and open bar will have to be kept in someone else's office from now on.

written by Jalapenoman, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Republican Wins Special Senate Election in Massachussets

The surviving "Kennedy Political Machine" must not have sent their usual death threats.

written by Jalapenoman, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Special Election Held For Ted Kennedy Senate Seat

The winner is required to be perpetually drunk and not allowed to operate a motor vehicle near bridges.

written by Jalapenoman, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Male Frogs Having Sex Problems

Traffic noise, demands of female frogs for ribbed it condoms, could be ruining sex lives of male frogs.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

SKorea Needs Babies

South Korean government workers are being given an unusual instruction - go home and multiply, as free Viagra, videos passed out.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Electric Cigs Not Safe?

There is a worrying lack of safety data on electronic cigarettes, despite their growing popularity with the public, two leading Greek researchers have warned. "System could shut down during outage."

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Air France Ups Prices

Obese passengers to be charged double to fly with Air France, triple if they have to feed them.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Fish Oil A Farce?

Is fish oil the elixir of life, adding to longevity of life?
Just ask a goldfish!

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Tastes Like Chicken Piss

'Chicken licking' supermarket shelf stacker jailed after being filmed sabotaging food and urinating in a bin at YOUR grocery!

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Kraft Gobbles Cadbury

Cadbury boss set to collect £12m pay-off, as unions fear Kraft takeover jobs bloodbath. "Just wait till the Big Cheese himself comes over", says union worker.


written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Scots Health Down

Scotland's health not as good as England's despite Scots having twice as many nurses per head. Health minister blames eating haggis twice a day.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Kids Suffer Withdrawal

Council to impose 'No Fry Zone' around primary schools in drive against obesity. Students say they should institute a No-Fly zone in kitchens, cafeteria.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Could Be Worse

Schools shut and roads closed as Britain is hit by new bout of wintry weather. "Just thankful this did not hit us in the summer as we would have been totally unprepared", says official.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Brown Checkmates Obama

Former male centrefold delivers devastating blow on Obama's first anniversary. Could receive 90% of women vote if runs for President in 2012.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Millionaire Cleared

Millionaire who attacked masked burglar to save his family walks free after judge overturns his jail sentence, pats back pocket.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

LeBron's Big Day

LeBron just misses triple-double as Cavs down Raps. Then wins daily double at Churchill Downs.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Judge Clears Winehouse

Winehouse gets conditional discharge for assault after judge sees discharge first hand.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Tougher Warning Needed

FDA debates tougher cancer warning on tanning beds. Asks for headstone be placed at top.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Not A Thing!

NASA listens for silent Mars lander, one hand clapping, messages from mimes from other planets.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Rare Humper Birds Discovered

Rare bird's breeding ground found in Afghanistan. "You should see the little guys going at it", says Ornithologist.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Anyone Keeping Score?

Bank of America loses $5.2B in 4Q as it repays bailout. May have to have it back soon.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

American Terrorists To Help?

Gates says terrorist groups help each other. Asks American terrorist group to infiltrate and act as spies.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Vet School Updates

Texas Veterinarian school joins few with own blacksmith, horse, cow, sheep whisperer.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Once They Miss The Ocean

South Korean defense chief: Hit North 1st if threatened, like if one of their missiles doesn't fall into ocean as all 200 have thus far.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Gore Mad Again

U.N. warning that Himalayan glaciers were melting faster than any other place in the world & may be gone by 2035 not backed up by science, climate experts said Wednesday, apologize for scare tactic.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Obama Gut-Check

Brown Win a gut-check for Obama and Democrats on health care. Annual gut-checks dropped from care bill.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Charlie Daniels Recovering

Country star Charlie Daniels recovering after stroke after winning fiddle contest against Devil in Georgia.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

O'Brien Out

Conan O'Brien's guest list hints at exit. Coming up next week as guests, members of the audience.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Flip Flop

3 weeks after gay marriage law, NH takes up repeal. Divorce attorneys object.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Royal Blockheads?

Royal Caribbean's decision to dock ships at Haitian resort creates controversy. Apparently wanted passengers to sight see how the other half lived.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Dems. Stopped

Analysis: GOP sees Massachusetts win as stop sign, perhaps tombstone marker for Democrats.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Mixed Review

AP-GfK Poll: Obama's 1st year gets mixed verdict. Wins Nobel Peace Prize, makes several good speeches, gets nothing done.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Brown All Over

Brown wins in Massachusetts. Brown appears on the seat of Obama. Biden, Reid and Pelosi pants.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Bunny Shelter Declares Bankruptcy; Then Saved by Spoof Family

"For the love of Bunnies" an old English bedtime favorite played on as the Skoob family waffled up the $ to keep the shelter alive and see tons of more bunnies filter into back and front yards.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Dr. Skoob Takes New Role in "Spaceballs 1999"

Dr. Skoob, a natural for the "Hee Haw" style country bumpkin Doctor suddenly beamed into a Moon Hole colony 100 years into the future, where he has only two rabbits to survive off of. What to do?

written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Michele O'Bomba Caught Flashing Hubby in White House

Unfortunately the wide angle lenses on the cameras were not wide enough to capture the king size derriere of the 1st Lady, prompting a change over to "Wide Format" movie cameras for future episodes.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Tiger Woods Fails Sex Rehab; Opts for Castration

Slice and Dice Queen Lorena Bobbit to do the honors, says "I already have a bat, now I'll have some balls to knock around".

written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Fish Oil Slows Aging

But people who take it develop gills and can breathe only in water.

written by Gail Farrelly, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Michigan Woman Accused of Taking a Bite out of Her Sister's Nose

Her defense? "I always felt she was kind of nosy."

written by Gail Farrelly, 20 January 2010
Rating:

What's in a Name?

Marc Webb has been named the director of the next Spider-Man movie.

written by Gail Farrelly, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Size H Breasts Desired by Heidi Montag

"I'm not fussy, either H or Z should do it," she giggled.

written by Gail Farrelly, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Hillary Clinton Accuses Haitian Men of Staring at Her Boobs

"Their staring eyes made me feel like I was going through TSA Airport security, it was definitely intrusive and it made me nervous; rest assured that won't be something that happens to me again."

written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Kuznetsova and Stosur Advance; Set up Epic Battle of the Lesbos

Hillary Clinton, a major fan of both players, again denied she is a lesbian.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Rating:

As Layoffs Continue, SSI Disability Claims Triple

Claiming amongst other things, that they were "kicked out the door" by "O'Bomba policies" and suffered permanent injuries.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Rating:

U.S. Sends More Troops Trained to Kill Over to Haiti Where Many are Already Dead

General Clinton was Unable to Define the logic behind the latest move, as Doctors and clinicians wonder when they will be called to duty, if ever.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Roy Simmons Reactivated to Give Farve Extra Pump

The openly gay NFL'r says he still has a hard one and can "get up for whatever the old man might have in mind".

written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Dems Agree to Blockbuster Trade

For Voters First Round, #1 Draft Pick B. O'Bomba, Dems get one free re-run token for Bill Clinton and two dead republicans.

wow. talk about losing value quickly

written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Polanski Lawyers: Time Served is Fair Sentence

Of course the "lawyers for Polanski" are referring to "time served" at his "Swiss Chalet".

Sentence in Absurdia?

written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Japan Airlines Files for Bankruptcy

Leaving passengers in desperate circumstances as laid off pilots say "no pay, no fly" and promptly parachute out of airliners at 30,000 feet.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Rating:

O'Bomba Benched by GM Hillary, Rahm Emanuel to Start

Already suffering from "broken promise" fatigue, rookie O'Bomba has been benched by General Manager Hillary Clinton according to sources with the team. 4th string back up Rahm Emanuel will now start.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Rating:

O'Bomba Bets Ranch on Election; Now wants Conan O'Brien Style Deal

Something on the order of $ 40,000,000 to "go away"

written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Rating:

O'Bomba: Senate Health Bill "Better than Nothing"??

I can't wait to see what my new options are!!!!!

written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Rating:

O'Bomba Says Dem Election Loss Not a Problem

As Dems still have a majority except for defectors and traitors. Joseph Lieberman to take new vote count.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Rating:

US airlines to handcuff passengers

"It's the only way to be sure no one will get up to use the rest rooms during the last hour of flight," a TSA spokesman said...

written by Robin Berger, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Troubled Monkey

San Diego Zoo, tired of parent's compliant about masterbating orangutan, has him fixed. Now he's throwing shit at everybody.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Don't Know Where To Start

Mime's invisible cube fails to stop runaway car that jumps unto street in Detroit. Jaws of life still trying to free him.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Honked His Last

"Charlie", another long time clown for Ringling Brothers, Barnum & Baily Circus dies at the age of 90 at rest home in Tuscon. Will be buried on Big Shoe Hill.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Cold Case File!

According to new DNA evidence, it was Mrs. O'Leary carrying on with working hand that started the great Chicago fire and her cow was innocent. Maybe now the Cubs will be in the World Series.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Strike Three!

First meteor that could strike earth, Mayan calender ending in 2012 and now for the first time, no one has secretly placed flowers on Edgar Allen Poe's grave on his birthday. It's the end, alright.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Good Boy!

Leona Helmsley's dog agrees to foot part of the bill for a national health plan.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rating:

O'Bomba Gets B-Ball Offer From High School Girls League

Hillary Clinton and Bob Gates suggest he take the job as whistle blower for the high schoolers.

Who is the V.P. again?

written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Restating the Obvious, Jesse Jackson Enters the Haitian Picture

Says "Its going to take a lot of assistance to rebuild Haiti."
and "We know these people, they are our friends."

Thanks Jesse, we are now informed.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Iris Robinson rushed to hospital.

New boyfriend Jack, 8lb 6oz, was born at 3.15am this morning.

written by Fergus McCarthy, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Traffic Slows, Spoofers Wonder: Is there a Jam?

Or is it something as simple as a Bugling of a "changing of the guard".

written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Rating:

Tiger Woods Undergoing Treatment at Sex Addition Clinic In Missisippi

Actually a converted brothel, the treatment has Tiger engaging in sex with brunette hookers 24/7 until he gets "sick of sex" and can be returned to society as a "non-biased part time sexter."

written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
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