Order by:
Rating:

NATO to Send 2,500 More Troops to Haiti

Body count at 72,000, surely to rise with additional troops.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Susan Boyle Snubbed by UK Fans In "Most Desireable Woman" Vote

Edged out by Penelope Cruz, writers worldwide can't understand the disloyalty of virile UK Men and aspiring women.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 19 January 2010
Rating:

60 Minutes

Don Hewitt, who invented '60 Minutes,' and died at 86 had a memorial service today. "Ain't it always the way, the good die young", stated 93-year-old Mike Wallace.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

When Oprah Leaves, Should Rosie O'Donnell Replace Her?

Surely not! Kirstie is barging in.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Bill Admits Blowing

Former President Clinton admits that he blew it for both Al Gore and Hillary.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Cafferty: Let All Haitians In as Refugees?

Sure, why not? We don't have enough on people on welfare yet.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Sam Sasquatch For Governor

Sasquatch being interviewed on Minnesota TV says that if he wins the governorship, he'll put his Big Foot down on spending!

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Troubles at Every Turn in Ft. Hood Shooter's Training

Recruiting Muslims to serve as Field Grade Officers in a war against Muslims........ need we go any further?

written by Richard DagNabbit, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Heidi Montag Tilts the 50/50 Barier

The blond bombshell has announced that with her last ten surgeries, she is now more than 50% plastic, rivaling artificial sex dummies.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Just Coincidense

Report: No connection found between Haiti curse and last three Presidents.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

He Was A Kennedy

Massachusetts late Senator Ted Kennedy honored by the whole Senate today, even grudgingly by the hypocrites.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Still Looking

Iraqis say they have capture the 157th Saddam Hussein lookalike just south of Baghdad.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Backlash as Cruise Ship Takes Dump, Then Leaves Haiti

The Cruise Ship "Fecal Frivolity", was having excess pressure problems in the #2 dump lines. After stopping in Haiti for a fart 'N Dump session, it left in a hurry. Fumed, Haitians are protesting.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Armstrong Commercial

Lance Armstrong to do new candy bar commercials, "Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't."

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

IRS to Expand Audits as Cash Runs Low

As IRS finds that no one has any cash.......the printing presses will suddenly spin much more freely.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 19 January 2010
Rating:

What Is This Shit?

Soil samples sent back by Mars Rover said to show that Mars once had laxatives.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

A Different Tale

Downtown office wiggle tail says she's sick and tired of having stories made up about her by office tattle tale.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Clintons Pissed At Obamas

Clintons upset with treatment by Obamas! "Without me, he never would have carried the Trailer Park, Truckstop vote", says Bill.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Americans Take Over Haiti

France accuses American troops of overtaking Haiti after earthquake. "That's prime real estate", says Nicolas Sarkozy.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

"Just Their Organs"

DNA evidence condemns 90-year-old former organ grinder. Believed victims used to feed monkey collecting coins.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Still Not Funny

Historians say they have discovered the world's oldest joke about the world's oldest profession from 20,000BC and brought back in 1962 by Milton Berle.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Elizabeth Dole Tired

Elizabeth Dole says she would run for President if Bob would stay off the Viagra for awhile. "He can't balance himself on that one arm, so guess who does all the work?"

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

U.S. Troops Land at Haiti Presidential Pallace

Take less than 10 minutes to completely ransack the place for valuables that can be sold on eBay.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Refunds Spent

Poll: Most Americans used 2009 rebate checks on paying bank penalties after being overdrawn.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

5500 Americans Missing in Haiti

Government stumped on how to spin al-Quaida as responsible. Big reward offered for best spin idea.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 19 January 2010
Rating:

"Hello My Honey!"

Frog that sings "My Ragtime Gal" among 353 new Himalayan species discovered say members of the WWF.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Or Week From Today

After observing Martin Luther King's birthday by closing yesterday, several banks plan to be back open today.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Running Out Of Names

One hundred thousandth satire site "Dog Pecker Pink" sued by by original "Dogpecker Pink" and "Pup Pecker Pink".

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Waiting & Watching

While watching and waiting on global warming, Radical Nudists meet quietly to plan their rule of the new earth.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

They Fit Perfectly

Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum figure of President Obama sent Prince Charles ears by mistake. Returns them with "Right Size, Wrong Color" note.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

US attack Haiti, they believe it's a war they can win at last!

Obama has US crack parachutists attack Haiti, they landed in the destroyed palace, captured voodoo priests in a trance and some headless chickens attempting to escape Obama said, we're on winner!

written by Jaggedone, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Watching Sports Bar TV, Eating Napkin

Study shows that trying to do otter dangs wheel watcheng telivesion distracks frum mustard an a leetle catsoup, pleez!

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Supreme Court Test Case?

Party Animal Rights group may go to court against Mothers Against Drunk Driving.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Cars Too Small

Report: Air bags completely useless on new small cars, as they crush you like a bug against the back glass.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

"Wonderful Life" Wins

It's a Wonderful Life voted top Christmas movie of all time! Edges out, "The Bad Santa".

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Experts Changing Minds

Experts are now saying that it's not global warming we should fear but global humidity!

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Another Bad Economic Sign

Poll: Teens use of drugs down 18% as more are turning to cheap liquor, airplane glue, paint thinner.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Global Warming Warning Cools Off!

Is global warming credibility falling pretty fast or is it me?

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Al Sharpton Speaks Out On Obama

Calls Obama a dark skinned white boy who speaks like a honky when he needs to do so.

written by Nailer, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Armstrong On Moon

Re-enactment of first man on the moon will use the same stage as original was shot.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Later Invented Airplane

Re-Enactment of the Wright Brothers' first failed flight fails!

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Saudis to help Haiti

The Saudi Arabian Government announced the departure of a 500 camel caravan to bring aid to the Haitian earthquake victims.

written by Nailer, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Debate of the Giants

Pat Robertson to debate Danny Glover tonight on CNN. Tune in 8 Eastern, 7 Central.

written by Nailer, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Can I Bring My Computer?

Sky TV producer who stalked former classmate and Googled her name 40,000 times by accident is jailed for only 16 weeks.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

The Big Fake

Woman 'crippled with arthritis claimed £10,000 benefits while working as a sailing instructor', mountain climber guide.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Lottery Winner Celebrates

Widower who scooped £26m in Euromillions lottery win says late wife 'will have big grin on her face'. Talks to undertaker.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Records Sex With Child

Single mother had sex with boy, 12, almost 200 times in one month and marked each encounter with a star in her sordid diary.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Facebook Pic Leads To Investigation

'Smoking' baby Facebook picture sparks investigation into teenage mother. Worse case since 9-month-old grew beard and mustache say social workers.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Generous Group

Royal Caribbean, Disney Cruise ask $2M in bailout money to give at least $1M in Haiti aid.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Attorney: Client Made Honest Mistake

Attorney: Man in JFK breach just used 'wrong door', like last month's innocent person who mistakenly put on one black shoe and one brown in hurry to reach airport.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Boyle Snubbed

Susan Boyle snubbed, gets no British Award nomination. Snubs.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Tougher Warning

FDA debates tougher cancer warning on tanning beds. So far, "This Is Your Preview Coffin" signs ruled out.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Seeking Stability

Gates: US seeks stability between India, Pakistan, Israel, Syria, Iran, Columbia, Venezuela, Cuba, Russia, Ukraine, Greece, Turkey, etc. etc.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

British Met Office's new hire

British woman predicts rain showers and storms "because she always get a migraine" and the severity or lack thereof of the upcoming storm corresponds with the intensity of the migraine

written by Tcoah, 19 January 2010
Rating:

LA Set To Vote

LA council set to vote on marijuana ordinance after extensive two-day discussions in smoke-filled room.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Cadbury Sold

Kraft Foods, Cadbury agree $19.5 billion deal. "This is a sweet deal for us", says Kraft spokesman.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Around Here Somewhere

Violence erupts again in central Nigeria as thousands of e-mail investors arrive to collect their money from non-existent bank.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Little Late

Afghans tighten security in Kabul after attack. Close barn door after horse finally caught.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Predicted To Become Valedictorian

Obama to seek $1.35 billion more for education, going for his 'Masters' in 'Political Bullshit'!

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Flock In Mass.

Voters flock to polls for Massachusetts election as flock's call non-voters 'chickenshit!'

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Men Get Boost

Report: More men get economic, sexual boost from marriage that women.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

It Was The Creek Or Me!

California man shoots his way out of sinking SUV, already receives movie offer.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

FBI Collecting Records

Report: FBI illegally collected phone records, for the one-hundredth time.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Avatar Too Much For Watcher

Taiwan man dies after watching 'Avatar'. First movie casualty since the ending of "Psycho".

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Least Known Bird

"World's least known bird" found breeding in Afghanistan. Up to now, experts say they have been too shy.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Gates / Clinton Plan draws Cheers from GOP

Hillary says to make Haiti the 51st state so Haitians can quickly relocate to the lower 48; Gates says he needs someplace for up to 20,000,000 detainees and Cuba is too small. A Perfect Match.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Paris Hilton adopts Pig

Promises no bacon for breakfast.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Why did Demi Skip the Globes

Wadn't gettin' no award, so why be there?

written by Richard DagNabbit, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Nicholas Cage to Pay IRS $ 14,000,000.00

Jeez Nicholas, 'bout time for a Jewish accountant don't ya think?

written by Richard DagNabbit, 19 January 2010
Rating:

U.S. Airlift Takes 200 Haitian Refugees to Miami

Within 24 hours, 62 of the refugees have been arrested for committing crimes and placed in INS holding detention facilities awaiting deportation back to Haiti.

Doh!

written by Richard DagNabbit, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Kirstie Alley Desperate: Her Endorsement Contract with Cadbury is in Doubt

As the 385 lb. Cadbury Chocolates Poster Girl, the potential takeover by Kraft could leave here without the lifetime supply of chocolates she depends on to keep her weight up.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Apple iSlate May be Unveiled on Jan. 27

"Big Whoop," says a bored Kindle.

written by Gail Farrelly, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Fierce California Storms Create Problems

Conan O'Brien really SHOULD learn to get better control of his temper.

written by Gail Farrelly, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Oldest Dinosaur Yet Discovered; Shaped More Like Brontosauras

The 66 Ton Behemoth has been named "OBombasaurus" due to its uncanny similarity in shape to Michele O'Bomba.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Nearly 400 Tons of Ground Beef Recalled

Once collected, the aged protein will be recycled and sent to Taco Bell Restaurants Nationwide.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Karzai's Proposed Appointees Rejected Again by Afghans

Nearly all are currently on the U.S. Federal Government's payroll. I wonder if that could be the problem..?

written by Richard DagNabbit, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Cornel West Urges: "Don't Sanitize MLK"

He likes it better the "all natural way."

written by Richard DagNabbit, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Back To Abnormal

Everything seems to be working well with TheStoof after weekend orangutan cheeks.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Also Pees Himself

Charleston, West Virginia cub scout leader that told scary stoties before bed time, debunked!

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Optimistic

A new poll shows that most Americans, British are optimistic about "thinking good thoughts".

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Americans On Pills!

Thirty-seven million Americans now on antidepressant pills, but does anybody give a rat's ass? No!

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

"Bartay!"

Parkay Margarine tub becomes hair lipped on conveyor belt but makes it to grocery.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

O'Bomba's Second Try at Mid-East Peace Talks

Sending Jewish Hillary Clinton to Meet 'N Greet Party with Jewish Chief Benjamen Netanyahu will for sure produce results this time around.

Yep! As Lucy Says.. This time for sure!

written by Richard DagNabbit, 19 January 2010
Rating:

California Like Most States, Sees Next Budget Crisis Looming

Further service reductions to "no services rendered" will leave 350,000 State employees with nothing to do except collect their paychecks!

written by Richard DagNabbit, 19 January 2010
Rating:

What the U.S. Military Will Do in Haiti

Make plenty of babies.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Blair to Face Grilling Over Iraq War

Says he'll show up just as soon as he gets done reviewing Shell Oil quarterly profit reports.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Student Pulled from Haitian Rubble After Sexting

Rescue workers found an office still intact inside a collapsed building. The occupants had reverted to engaging in kinky sex acts to keep warm, and were sexting their experiences to Pat Robertson.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Bush Weapons Inspector Stung in Online Sex Case

Will now be required to surrender his weapon.

OUCH!

written by Richard DagNabbit, 19 January 2010
Rating:

It's Her, Joe

Garbage men not surprised this time after finding Amy Winehouse sleeping in wheelie bin once again.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

O'Bomba Sets Date for Next State of Union Address

To be held right after the Union dissolves......sometime next week.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 19 January 2010
Rating:

New Hardy Boys Book

Eighty-One year-old Hardy Boys new book, "The Case Of Stolen Viagra Pills" out in March. Sorry, this one is PG, folks. (Pappy's Goober)

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Is bathing just once a week healthy?

Hmmm, Must be a new White House "Green" Policy.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Haitians Everywhere United by Voodoo Faith

Finally, a religion that makes some logical sense.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 19 January 2010
Rating:

TheSpoof Apologizes

TheSpoof officially apologizes to former President Bush about false WMD reports in Iraq before invasion, even though all 18 stories, including the 72 virgins, clearly stated that they were fake.

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
Rating:

Iraq Situation Improving

General says that Iraqi people have better opinion of troops than when invasion happened. "Instead of 'Invading Devils' we're now 'Lying Sacks Of Shit'!

written by Bureau, 19 January 2010
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